Honey

[RiverNotch]

Honey


The king is not fit for meat
and so is left by the side of the road
until summer.

A bear digs his claws into the carcass.
He returns to the cave of his mother and father
and lies as his family feasts.

Thieves pour bronze down a deacon's throat.
Left for dead, he unties his bonds, stands up,
and prophesies the return of the Lord.

"Out of the eater, something for meat..."
Snow falls in a church
like feathers -- or floating worms.

Honey


The king is not fit for meat
and so is left by the side of the road
until summer.

A bear digs his claws into the carcass.
Belly full, he lies in a cave.

Thieves pour bronze down a deacon's throat.
Left for dead, he unties his bonds, stands up,
and prophesies the return of the Lord.

Snow falls in the church
like feathers -- or floating worms.

[Keith]

Honey
I like the title and the threaded links to the poem, I also enjoyed the the shifting season sketched out amongst your images some comment below, Best Keith

The king is not fit for meat Solid opening that got my attention, maybe something before king to bring out the image but im not sure
and so is left by the side of the road
until summer. This lets us find the image so ignore my first line about something more

A bear digs his claws into the carcass. reinforces the opening but this line is a bit bland, if that make sense
Belly full, he lies in a cave. I thought the opening was about a bird so belly full didnt seem to fit.

Thieves pour bronze down a deacon's throat. Jackdaws attacking a robin was what I saw here
Left for dead, he unties his bonds, stands up, I like 'left for dead' and for me it works but could be called out as cliche
and prophesies the return of the Lord. Solid stanza taking us into easter

Snow falls in the church
like feathers -- or floating worms. really like the close it made me look up to the steeple then down to the graveyard, very nice indeed

[Richard]

Hey RiverNotch,
I'm a little bit lost on this one, but I do like some of the imagery. I'll go into more detail below:

Honey


The king is not fit for meat -Based on the title, I thought the king was some play on a bee. However, this gets debunked in the next stanza. Based on where this poem goes, is the king some sort of reference to god? Maybe I'm missing something.
and so is left by the side of the road
until summer.

A bear digs his claws into the carcass. -I like this image as a starting point, but why not get more visceral here and go into gory details?
Belly full, he lies in a cave.

Thieves pour bronze down a deacon's throat. -Personally, I would like to know more about the thieves? Are they young, or old? Why are they trying to kill the deacon? I feel like you could expand on the image here.
Left for dead, he unties his bonds, stands up,
and prophesies the return of the Lord. -Maybe switch to dialogue here, so the reader can hear the actual prophesy. I say this because I think this poem might be trying to comment on religion, and adding that dialogue could give you more material to play with.

Snow falls in the church -This made me think that the church was damaged in the robbery. Again, a broken church has the potential to be a strong image, but you need to expand on it.
like feathers -- or floating worms. -When I googled "floating worms", it brought up bass fishing. How can a worm float? I might be missing something again.

I hope I wasn't too critical here, and that some of what I said is helpful. I look forward to seeing where you take this piece from here.

Thanks for the read,
Richard

[RiverNotch]

Thanks for the feedback. Here's an attempt to be a little clearer, though my main concern is being too direct about it.

[billy]

hi river, i never gave feedback on the 1st version as i wasn't able to see what the poem was about. the edit affects me the same way. while there's a lot of good images within the poem the poem itself eludes me still. wish i could be more helpful