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10-17-2018, 12:13 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-17-2018, 12:25 PM by billy.)
I've read this piece a few times and it improves with each read. I've put this one in the Hog's to show that even a short poem can be original, image rich and well thought out. the poem was posted by Tiger the Lion
How I Miss You
The metaphors get mangled
into cliche
and all that flooding and fire
wouldn't touch you anyway.
So no, it won't be some sad poem
that solves you.
It won't be me reducing you
to similes of oxygen
or nicotine
or Dad.
It won't be me endlessly pretending
you could live on paper.
--------------------------------------------
You can find the thread
here
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Good choice. Even when I'm feeling dense TTL's poems always cut through, a privilege to get to read them. This one in particular has a sharp, well aimed blade. Thanks for saving it here.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
just mercedes
Unregistered
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Great choice Billy's and congrats Tiger for such a well written piece, it made me regret ever trying to capture a lost loved one between the lines of a poem. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Solid choice, Billy.
Congrats!
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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Glorious poem. My breath got stuck after the last line - it's just lovely.
It could be worse
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Thanks everyone. This one needs tweaking a little. I have a couple of ideas and will try to post an edit soon.
Appreciate all the reads and kind words,
Paul
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Paul, nice work. It's a short, but powerful piece.
Time is the best editor.
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(10-17-2018, 12:13 PM)billy Wrote: I've read this piece a few times and it improves with each read. I've put this one in the Hog's to show that even a short poem can be original, image rich and well thought out. the poem was posted by Tiger the Lion
How I Miss You
The metaphors get mangled
into cliche
and all that flooding and fire
wouldn't touch you anyway.
So no, it won't be some sad poem
that solves you.
It won't be me reducing you
to similes of oxygen
or nicotine
or Dad.
It won't be me endlessly pretending
you could live on paper.
--------------------------------------------
You can find the thread here
Whoa!!! How it reduces in line length to a poignant "or Dad." Before those nice ending lines. Certainly one you read more than once.
