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Joined: May 2018
i was still outside the first
three times i threw up
only colorful when wounded
my life feathers at the edges
lakeside kids who all took
shots after each song, the mood
was familiar, sullen, too lazy
to pick up who i was yesterday
i see through the spring
and the winter, the salacious
and the fast, and yet still
i am so far from you
"i've thrown up five times already,"
i said into the phone ("damn")
you who will press water
to my lips and let me adrift
anger is flush with beauty and
some things must be sinned for
to flourish is to fall, dust before the wind
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I feel inadequate, reading this one (much less understanding it).
The format of couplets separated by white space is intriguing. How do they relate to each other chronologically and causally? Are S3-4 a flashback?
The last couplet is memorable: beauty and anger (or danger?) and things gained only through sin. But are they good things, worthy of the sin?
Haunting. Thanks for posting.
Non-practicing atheist
Posts: 33
Threads: 5
Joined: May 2018
(08-04-2018, 08:53 AM)dukealien Wrote: I feel inadequate, reading this one (much less understanding it).
The format of couplets separated by white space is intriguing. How do they relate to each other chronologically and causally? Are S3-4 a flashback?
The last couplet is memorable: beauty and anger (or danger?) and things gained only through sin. But are they good things, worthy of the sin?
Haunting. Thanks for posting.
thanks for the kind words. to answer (to the best of my ability) some of your questions,
--actually this started as a meticulously detailed account of a wild night of camping (hence 'lakeside') and drinking. i added a more abstract stanza at the end but felt unbalanced, so i pulled it apart into what it is currently
--'you' in some ways is death. ouch
--really the only bit that is not chronological is the first couplet regarding the morning after
--interesting interpretation of the last couplet; i saw it as regardless of worth, some sins must be committed... for the sake of youth? beauty? ideology, who knows, it doesn't really matter in the end, maybe it's just an excuse to have a fun night
to flourish is to fall, dust before the wind
