There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes.
The dread of sirens, head under desk-
a curse against those godless Reds.
Lonely little hands with no one to grab;
parents, locked behind barbwire fence,
mutter foreign prayers.
Then there are timeless fears: a spider
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk,
an audience dissecting you with their eyes.
There's courage too, arriving
predictably like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
First Edit:
Ordinary
There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk-
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there are timeless fears: a spider
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
There's courage too, usually arriving
at the worst time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country. Original:
Ordinary
There's old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk,
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there's timeless fears, such as a spider
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
Of course there's courage too, usually arriving
at the worse time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
There's old fears like Bela Lugosi's I think it should be "there are" since fears is plural
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk,
a curse against those godless Reds. this is more commentary than an additional fear - maybe an em dash after desk, rather than a comma which suggests the list continues with "a curse..."
Then there's timeless fears, such as a spider again "there are"? -- would also prefer a semi-colon after "fears" to replace "such as"
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
Of course there's courage too, usually arriving maybe strike "of course"
at the worse time like your mother's uncle, worst
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
Hope some of that is useful. Good luck with this.
Paul
Enjoyable piece, Richard,
particularly the end returning to the beginning,
but it could stand to be a little more focused.
First Edit:
Ordinary
There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's threatening accent and strange clothes,
threatening accent, [his] strange clothes, ? or the dread of sirens, head under desk- a curse against those godless Reds.
(I didn't realised Lugosi was still working
in the fifties)
Then there are timeless fears: a spider tickling your leg until it bites, heights - just a suggestion. that nauseate worse than sour milk.
(and one more example?)
There's courage too,
[ordinary and unremarkable?] usually arriving at the worst time like your mother's uncle, who smelled of garlic and could only talk in the language of the old country.
Hey Knot,
Thanks for the feedback. I only discovered Lugosi back in the 90's, so he's never stopped working in my opinion I agree about the middle part needing something more, so I need to give that some thought.
A couple of queries that occured to me on readin this piece:
(03-07-2018, 10:23 PM)Richard Wrote: First Edit:
Ordinary
There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's Why is this fear old, versus ...
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk-
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there are timeless fears: a spider ... this fear - timeless?
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk. I don't understand the use of'heights' here. I'm guessing 'heightened' fear is intended? Doesn't quite come through, for me.
There's courage too, usually arriving
at the worst time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country. Loved this section.
The title is strong, I think because it may make the reader wonder. I really enjoyed the sounds in the first stanza, and maybe think it could use a punch like in the second stanza with the sour milk. I felt like throwing up a bit haha. I like the ominous presence of the uncle in the third part, which goes back to the beginning with Lugosi. I think it's excellent brevity because there is so much to imagine in so few lines. Nice work!
I know you're letting this sit, hope you don't mind a comment or two.
(03-07-2018, 10:23 PM)Richard Wrote: First Edit:
Ordinary
There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk- < Nice sound + image line
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there are timeless fears: a spider < I like these timeless fears. Agree that one more of them would be good.
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
There's courage too, usually arriving < The courage would have to arrive at the right time while the uncle arrives at the worst time, right? They don't both arrive at the worst time.
at the worst time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
Pardon me if I didn't follow the courage bit correctly. The last few lines are great. Nice work.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost dwcapture.com
Hey Danny,
Thanks for the feedback and kind words. I'm kind of stuck on another timeless fear. May be public speaking? May be death? Open to suggestions.
Lifting a long-sat decrepit chair in the overgrown back yard to reveal a wary, glass-eyed snake in coil staring at you.
Worry that someone you love so much may come to harm in a car wreck, a plane crash, or by a quick shadow figure in a dark alley on the way home late one evening.
Being lost because of taking the wrong trail home through the woods just before dark.
The fear of losing a child in a crowded 5-story mall - always gripping the little hand.
Not all fears are easy to relate to for everyone, but as humans we do certainly have common fears that don't really change through the centuries.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost dwcapture.com
There are old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk-
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there are timeless fears: a spider
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
There's courage too, usually arriving
at the worst time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
Original:
Ordinary
There's old fears like Bela Lugosi's
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk,
a curse against those godless Reds.
Then there's timeless fears, such as a spider
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
Of course there's courage too, usually arriving
at the worse time like your mother's uncle,
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
Thank you. I enjoyed the theme, I just felt as though it was going somewhere but didn't quite get there. It was setting up for something like... There are those fears which xxx but then there are fears that yyy. I kept expecting to get to the to the interesting fear, but then the poem switched to a discussion of courage. Maybe remove the courage piece to tighten it up? There is plenty to focus on with the topic of fear.
I am also unsure about why Bela's vampire accent is an old fear. Is it because the movies are old or because we have always feared it since we were young? A further exploration of old vs young and how that ties into timelessness may be really interesting.
I hope this feedback is helpful. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Allison,
Thanks for the feedback. I haven't thought about this one in a while, so I appreciate some of what you said because it got me thinking about how to edit this piece. The courage part might be where I focus when I get around to editing.
I agree about the middle part needing something more, so I need to give that some thought.
