Manic Episode In The Middle Of Winter

[wordgobbler]

Manic Episode In The Middle Of Winter

(think of a car crash in the snow)

Part One.  
Maybe you’ve stopped taking your medication
or maybe it doesn’t matter because the buzz is back
and once again you are raw light goddess,
eating in naked aisles and the genius runs red hot.
Hummingbird in place of heart,
vibrance instead of sleep. 
This time you will grow wings.

Part Two. 
I laugh and won’t stop.
Blood gushing from my kitchen sink face,
confetti stuck to my teeth.
I am choking on all that fucking light.

Part Three.  
I walk 40 blocks at night.
I smile in the dark.
I am a goddess, I think.
I don’t sleep.
I paint ugly things.
I skip classes. 
I write and write and write
I forget to dream.
It’s like that, you know?
Like I was built for this.
Like I’ve always known.
Like I know you’re watching. 

[Todd]

Hi wordgobbler,

I do like this one. A few comments for you.

Manic Episode In The Middle Of Winter

(think of a car crash in the snow)--I'm not a fan of this right below your title. I could see this parenthetical as a new first line for part one though.

Part One.  
Maybe you’ve stopped taking your medication --Even though I suggested a new opening that isn't because I don't like what you've chosen. This is interesting and adds tension immediately.
or maybe it doesn’t matter because the buzz is back
and once again you are raw light goddess,
eating in naked aisles and the genius runs red hot.
Hummingbird in place of heart,
vibrance instead of sleep. 
This time you will grow wings.--I don't have a lot to critique in this part. I could quibble with red hot as being slightly cliche--but it really doesn't bother me. Your imagery lifts this part and makes it interesting and makes me ask what's next. 

Part Two. 
I laugh and won’t stop.
Blood gushing from my kitchen sink face,--maybe present tense gushes.
confetti stuck to my teeth. --this is a great coming down line. The metaphorical party is over. I love the image as a means of expressing the sharp change in mood and the reduction of the person in a very real way.
I am choking on all that fucking light. --Again builds on the shift well. Less imagery than part one but well focused.

Part Three.  
I walk 40 blocks at night.
I smile in the dark.
I am a goddess, I think.
I don’t sleep.
I paint ugly things.
I skip classes. 
I write and write and write
I forget to dream.
It’s like that, you know?
Like I was built for this.
Like I’ve always known.
Like I know you’re watching.--This in-between stage feels like a bit of a letdown both in imagery and execution. I may be misinterpresting but I think one large structural change you may consider is swapped part three with part 2

Have the inbetween be the inbetween: reorder Part 1, Part 3 then Part 2

I think fucking light is a stronger close and the poem would then resemble the dichotomy of the speaker. 

Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd

[Knot]

Enjoyed the read, WG
and am largely in agreement with Todd.
Think of a car crash... makes a much more engaging
opening than 'Maybe...' and the order 1, 3, 2 offers a
stronger ending. (Though the first line of 2 seems to be
part of 3).

If it wasn't for 'winter' in the title, I'd never know
that's where you're setting it.

You use 'goddess' twice, perhaps find an alternative to the second?
Similarly, 'vibrance' doesn't seem too dissimilar to 'hummingbird'
and there might be a better alternative.
I'd also suggest making those lines a bit punchier/shorter, perhaps
cut out 'in place of' ?
(I don't think you need 'or' in 1/L2)

Part Three might benefit from a little editing
(lines 3-5 either don't add much or are repeating
ideas from part 1, for example) and it is lacking
rhythmically.
Just a suggestion;
I walk 40 blocks at night,
smile in the dark.
I am a goddess, I think,
don’t sleep,
paint ugly things.

I write and write and write
and write and write and write
and write.
I skip classes.
I forget to dream.

...


Best, Knot.