Helen of Troy

[therabbitisme]

Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak
Her style and diction transcend all critique
Her Hera-esque hair strikes fear into men
Like Chronos, she crafts all the nows and the thens
A lane in the snow, a line in the sand
Ares and Apollo fight wars for her hand
Kingdoms and kings fall at her command
Her Persophonic voice brings crops to the land

Helen of Troy is mortal all the same
From the glow of her skin to the ring of her name
Her powers are those of the hearts that she moves
For in her they see all their self-written truths
And on her they write, in the words that she speaks
“Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak”

[ritwiksadhu33]

Hi therabbitisme,
       A very clever and fun poem. Enjoyed reading this. Here are some thoughts

Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak
Her style and diction transcend all critique Interesting aside from the usual praise of her beauty. Don't know if you drew this from actual mythological description or invented it yourself, though.
Her Hera-esque hair strikes fear into men Why fear? Interestingly, this reminded me of Rilke's first elegy. Is it a reference?
Like Chronos, she crafts all the nows and the thens Interesting albeit cryptic description. I interpreted it as her appearance/personality being so striking that men are frozen as if timeless when they see her. Other better interpretations are possible too, I guess
A lane in the snow, a line in the sand Didn't get this. Is it something about her intelligence/beauty being beyond the tipping point or something? Probably not, that sounds stretched. Also, I'm assuming this is not a reference.
Ares and Apollo fight wars for her hand
Kingdoms and kings fall at her command Not quite at her command going by the usual tale. Of course, it's an almost mythological story with a different version for every author, so not complaining.
Her Persophonic voice brings crops to the land Persephonic, I think. Might be an acceptable variation though. Wouldn't know. Very interesting word choice - the word itself has a lot of nuances, and coupled with the story of Helen, and that it brings "crops to the land" instead of war (or after war?), this has a plethora of implications that I wouldn't bother to list.

Helen of Troy is mortal all the same
From the glow of her skin to the ring of her name
Her powers are those of the hearts that she moves
For in her they see all their self-written truths Image of perfection? Mirror for their flaws?
And on her they write, in the words that she speaks
“Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak” At first glance, this return to the first line seemed inane, but then I realized it insinuated that her reputation as a demigod was one created by men. Cleverly done, indeed.

[therabbitisme]

Hi ritwiksadhu33, I really appreciate your criticism and comments. In response to a few of your comments, most of the departures from the mythology is due to the overall theme I tried to create. It's about being transfixed on a person you don't know much about, and filling the gaps with a perfect image. This is the reason for the arguably scatter-brained mythological references: It's from the perspective of someone picking apart the subject, and declaring everything about them to be "godlike" and pure in some way.

Why fear? Interestingly, this reminded me of Rilke's first elegy. Is it a reference?

Sort of a reference to Hercules/Heracles. I remember learning about Hera being a nuisance to him during his trials. I was comparing the act of creating a perfect image of a person(and thus scaring yourself out of interacting with them as a normal human) with the juxtaposition between Hera's traditional loving disposition and her behavior in this legend.

 Interesting albeit cryptic description. I interpreted it as her appearance/personality being so striking that men are frozen as if timeless when they see her. Other better interpretations are possible too, I guess

While this was not the "intended" interpretation, I like it a lot. Going along with my previous description, I meant to describe the feeling that each moment of one's life is bound to this person they've idealized.

Didn't get this. Is it something about her intelligence/beauty being beyond the tipping point or something? Probably not, that sounds stretched. Also, I'm assuming this is not a reference.

Totally fair. Perhaps I shouldn't have included this in the poem, as it's mostly a personal reference that I have just barely decoded myself. To scratch the surface of what I meant by this, it's effectively a description of the feeling of imagined and self-imposed separation. Like a lane on a snowy field, leading to a bridge of sand, with a drawn line that somehow stops one from crossing. Certainly too esoteric and brief for anyone to be expected to get much out of it, but I included it because of what it means to me.

Not quite at her command going by the usual tale. Of course, it's an almost mythological story with a different version for every author, so not complaining.

Once again, certainly a departure from the literal mythology. Basically wordplay between kingdoms falling(apart) and kings "falling"(In love, or to their knees in emotional agony).

Persephonic, I think. Might be an acceptable variation though. Wouldn't know. Very interesting word choice - the word itself has a lot of nuances, and coupled with the story of Helen, and that it brings "crops to the land" instead of war (or after war?), this has a plethora of implications that I wouldn't bother to list.

Your proposed spelling is definitely more correct. Funnily, I had no idea that this was an actual word. I made it up as (1) a reference to Persephone, and (2) a play on words, where "-phonic" often refers to sounds in English. I meant this to describe both the sound and perceived meaning of her voice, bringing "crops" to the land(thoughts and images of beauty to the minds of her admirers).

Image of perfection? Mirror for their flaws?

Both, basically. As I said before, her "qualities" are really just invented by the pursuer.

At first glance, this return to the first line seemed inane, but then I realized it insinuated that her reputation as a demigod was one created by men. Cleverly done, indeed.

Much appreciated! This was meant to tie the poem together, implying that the whole poem was, and perhaps still is (recursively) written by the men she "moves".


Once again, thanks for the response.

[nibbed]

Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak
Her style and diction transcend all critique
Her Hera-esque hair strikes fear into men
Like Chronos, she crafts all the nows and the thens
A lane in the snow, a line in the sand
Ares and Apollo fight wars for her hand
Kingdoms and kings fall at her command
Her Persophonic voice brings crops to the land

Helen of Troy is mortal all the same                                            shouldn't there be no "is" and mortal made immortal, as in legend?
From the glow of her skin to the ring of her name
Her powers are those of the hearts that she moves
For in her they see all their self-written truths
And on her they write, in the words that she speaks
“Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak”


It's pretty much a perfect poem, and has spread sunshine on my prejudice of poetry surrounded in Greek Mythology. Maybe it's the rhyme.
It reminded me of poems my father would jot and sneak to me as a child.



-nibbed

[therabbitisme]

Hello nibbed. Thanks so much! As I mentioned above, the "Helen" here is a mortal human in this case.

[nibbed]

Hello nibbed. Thanks so much! As I mentioned above, the "Helen" here is a mortal human in this case.

I'm sorry therabbitisme, sometimes I skip the other critiques.
Usually because I don't want to see a spoiler, but this time
I was just eager to comment because I liked it so.

-nibbed

[therabbitisme]

No worries! I can't tell you how much I appreciate the complement, by the way.

[lauraelizdok]

Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak
Her style and diction transcend all critique - diction is an interesting choice here, but for me there could be something a little more convincing perhaps? It feels a bit like it's a convenient word, rather than carrying real weight in the line?
Her Hera-esque hair strikes fear into men
Like Chronos, she crafts all the nows and the thens
A lane in the snow, a line in the sand - love this imagery of leaving behind a distinctive trail of presence
Ares and Apollo fight wars for her hand
Kingdoms and kings fall at her command
Her Persophonic voice brings crops to the land - the four rhymes seem to throw the rhythm off balance a bit. I almost feel like you could lose the last two lines 
Helen of Troy is mortal all the same
From the glow of her skin to the ring of her name
Her powers are those of the hearts that she moves
For in her they see all their self-written truths
And on her they write, in the words that she speaks - I find this line a little difficult to understand- 'in words that she speaks?' Is it not they (the people) who speak of her as if she is a god, rather than she speaking of herself?
“Helen was forged on Olympus’ peak”- great symmetry from the opening of the poem, bringing home the her godliness- the way in which she was 'created' (in the minds of the people) on Olympus peak.