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The Casual Observer
Angel
angel
angel
angel
look at you suffering
look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in
look at yourself
falling
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass
look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
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Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
Works beautifully for me, its sincerity has a reflective surface.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: The Casual Observer
Angel
angel
angel
angel
look at you suffering
look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in
look at yourself
falling
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass
look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
this is haunting.
don´t want to soil other interpretations, so:
...
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(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: The Casual Observer
I'm not sure "Casual" really fits the title.
Angel
angel
angel
angel
look at you suffering this seems to indicate the speaker is caring
look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in
look at yourself
falling
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass
look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass this seems to indicate the speaker is not caring at all
and me behind the glass and these following lines...
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
WOAH! Am I wrong to read the speaker is obsessive and arrogant or is the speaker someone who really cares?
VERY Interesting how it can be read both ways...
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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Thanks for reading and commenting, guys.
Sorry Vagabond, no chickens were harmed...
@ Nibbed, you're somewhat right about the title.
Thanks,
Paul
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good for the imaginary chickens.. it´s still haunting.
...
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I like the title because it makes me think of the observer paradox. I also like the use of repetition (especially look), the specific choices such as killer whale tank, flouride-white teeth, and the effective ending.
The observer sees suffering and by using a sea world motif--the observer contributes to the suffering.
Nicely done!
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
solitarysoul
Unregistered
its slightly repetitive and feel and could be a bit more descriptive
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Once again, one of the best poems I've read on the site.
(01-06-2018, 07:52 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: The Casual Observer
Angel
angel
angel
angel Is the loss of capitalization intended for effect? If so, I salute you, sir. Either way, I'm going to borrow this idea shamelessly someday.
look at you suffering
look at the peculiar baskets
you plop your eggs in Hopes and aspirations in doomed prospects?
look at yourself
falling
like the rest of them
into the killer whale tank
and me behind the glass
look at the fluoride-white teeth
biting you in the ass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass
and me behind the glass And doing nothing. Maybe having some popcorn. This really brings out all the nuances of being a "casual" obsever.
