Posts: 38
Threads: 8
Joined: Jan 2018
Okay, so here goes my first post in the forums. The paragraphs form more of a series of connected poems rather than a whole, but I still like to think of it as one poem.
Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
Forget yourself in the past
At the bottom of the ocean
Or just your keys
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense and revel in its generality.
Over the years
The people tend to get bored and leave
The books pile up
The room logs too many hours of stillness.
Over the years the words
Tend to return
And fears tend to be realized
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true
Once or twice
For a few men or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found
Too few here/now
Over the years
A poem of a million lines
A war lasting two centuries
A desert covering a continent
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
The meek inheriting the earth and an earthworm.
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns
A year is a long time untouched
And grows over the walls out into the sun
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through
But a year is a long moment
In that we remember
More than one thing
About it
If we were friends.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
And then just wine
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges a year to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves.
Edit 1:
Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
In the past
At the bottom of the ocean
Forget yourself
Or just your keys
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense,
revel in its generality.
Over the years
people tend to get bored and leave
books pile up
rooms log too many hours of stillness.
Over the years the words
Tend to return
And fears become corporeal
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true
Once or twice
For a few men
or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found
Too few here/now
Over the years
A poem of a million lines
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
Over the years
A war lasts centuries
A desert covers a continent
The meek inherit the earth
and an earthworm.
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns
A year is a long time untouched
And grows over the walls out into the sun
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through
But a year is a long moment
In that we remember
More than one thing
About it
If we were friends.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges them to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves.
Posts: 298
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2014
(01-27-2018, 04:56 AM)ritwiksadhu33 Wrote: Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
Forget yourself in the past
At the bottom of the ocean
Or just your keys nice hint towards absentmindedness.. and slightly funny that way, but is it related to the poem´s content?
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright first "world", now "worlds" ?
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade which times? maybe just leave out. but my next question is: which peace? concerning the whole world, there never was.
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense and revel in its generality. are you talking about big data here? (i have only a very vague idea about that topic..)
Over the years
The people tend to get bored and leave
The books pile up
The room logs too many hours of stillness. i think you could leave out all the "the"´s
Over the years the words which words? do you mean promises, intentions?
Tend to return
And fears tend to be realized maybe specified instead of realized..
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true what is "it"?
Once or twice
For a few men or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found how can there be to much "found"?
Too few here/now i´d interpret it as "not enough precious moments"... but i´d rather you showed what is missed by the poem´s subject
Over the years you could go without repeating this line.. things change over time is what i got from the title and it´s enough to say it once.
A poem of a million lines
A war lasting two centuries maybe "for centuries" instead of a concrete number
A desert covering a continent how about "covers" and "lasts" and "inherit" instead of those "ings"
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
The meek inheriting the earth and an earthworm. seems like an interesting metaphor but i fail to connect meaning to "earthworm". also i am not sure about whether anyone will inherit the earth and how and if so, why would it be the meek for once?
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns i have no idea what this stanza is about
A year is a long time untouched untouched by another person?
And grows over the walls out into the sun walls?
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through ok, you want to emphasize "through".. i´d assume to paint a feeling of "just going on". the verbs seem to general to me though.
But a year is a long moment you repeated this one year.. if it is significant then you need to explain how.
In that we remember
More than one thing usually everyone remembers more than one thing..
About it
If we were friends. i´m confused now, because if it were a strong friendship / or even love THEN all other memories beside that one thing might bleach.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
And then just wine
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges a year to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves. so, your poem seems to say that life makes us drunken and tired. i have a feeling there´s much more hidden in it but i d need some help with content/ story/ meaning to understand..
so please don´t be overwhelmed by the many questions i put in there above.
...
Posts: 38
Threads: 8
Joined: Jan 2018
(01-27-2018, 05:59 AM)vagabond Wrote: (01-27-2018, 04:56 AM)ritwiksadhu33 Wrote: Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
Forget yourself in the past
At the bottom of the ocean
Or just your keys nice hint towards absentmindedness.. and slightly funny that way, but is it related to the poem´s content?
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright first "world", now "worlds" ?
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade which times? maybe just leave out. but my next question is: which peace? concerning the whole world, there never was.
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense and revel in its generality. are you talking about big data here? (i have only a very vague idea about that topic..)
Over the years
The people tend to get bored and leave
The books pile up
The room logs too many hours of stillness. i think you could leave out all the "the"´s
Over the years the words which words? do you mean promises, intentions?
Tend to return
And fears tend to be realized maybe specified instead of realized..
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true what is "it"?
Once or twice
For a few men or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found how can there be to much "found"?
Too few here/now i´d interpret it as "not enough precious moments"... but i´d rather you showed what is missed by the poem´s subject
Over the years you could go without repeating this line.. things change over time is what i got from the title and it´s enough to say it once.
A poem of a million lines
A war lasting two centuries maybe "for centuries" instead of a concrete number
A desert covering a continent how about "covers" and "lasts" and "inherit" instead of those "ings"
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
The meek inheriting the earth and an earthworm. seems like an interesting metaphor but i fail to connect meaning to "earthworm". also i am not sure about whether anyone will inherit the earth and how and if so, why would it be the meek for once?
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns i have no idea what this stanza is about
A year is a long time untouched untouched by another person?
And grows over the walls out into the sun walls?
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through ok, you want to emphasize "through".. i´d assume to paint a feeling of "just going on". the verbs seem to general to me though.
But a year is a long moment you repeated this one year.. if it is significant then you need to explain how.
In that we remember
More than one thing usually everyone remembers more than one thing..
About it
If we were friends. i´m confused now, because if it were a strong friendship / or even love THEN all other memories beside that one thing might bleach.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
And then just wine
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges a year to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves. so, your poem seems to say that life makes us drunken and tired. i have a feeling there´s much more hidden in it but i d need some help with content/ story/ meaning to understand..
so please don´t be overwhelmed by the many questions i put in there above.
Hi vagabond,
Thanks for the read and reply. To avoid getting into details, all the guesses you made are correct (big data, promises, person). The paragraph with repetitions of through and the one starting with "but a years" seemed awkward to me when I wrote them, but I so far haven't found a suitable modification. The use of continuous tense seems unnecessary now that you pointed it out - I'll have to edit that. Some of the other paragraphs were intended to be open ended from the get go, so those I'll probably leave unchanged.
Posts: 345
Threads: 34
Joined: Feb 2017
Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
Forget yourself in the past
At the bottom of the ocean I want to flip lines 5 & 6
Or just your keys
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright I want to eliminate the Over the years in this line
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense and revel in its generality.
Over the years
The people tend to get bored and leave
The books pile up how about just "the book pile up"?
The room logs too many hours of stillness.
Over the years the words
Tend to return
And fears tend to be realized
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true
Once or twice
For a few men or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found
Too few here/now
Over the years
A poem of a million lines
A war lasting two centuries
A desert covering a continent
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
The meek inheriting the earth and an earthworm.
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns
A year is a long time untouched
And grows over the walls out into the sun
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years I like the change up in this stanza
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through
But a year is a long moment
In that we remember
More than one thing
About it
If we were friends.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
And then just wine
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges a year to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves.
nice poem. I enjoyed it.
it kept me moving through
and that was good. i like the variety
in the structure, too
thank you for the read
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
Posts: 38
Threads: 8
Joined: Jan 2018
Hi nibbed,
Thanks for the suggestions. I'll probably edit it sometime today.
(01-27-2018, 08:33 AM)nibbed Wrote: Over the years
Over the years
Run 100 meters in 8 seconds
Time travel
Teleport
Forget yourself in the past
At the bottom of the ocean I want to flip lines 5 & 6
Or just your keys
Over the years
The world grows old
And melts around the sun
Over the years the worlds are bright I want to eliminate the Over the years in this line
And feel newer
Over the years the peace of these times will fade
We will look at its hypocrisy in wonder.
Over the years
We will have sufficient mathematics at
Our disposal
To mimic the doodles of infants
In thin air
Build a world of nonsense and revel in its generality.
Over the years
The people tend to get bored and leave
The books pile up how about just "the book pile up"?
The room logs too many hours of stillness.
Over the years the words
Tend to return
And fears tend to be realized
We think all that we can
And over the years it may even be true
Once or twice
For a few men or more.
Over the years
Too many lost/found
Too few here/now
Over the years
A poem of a million lines
A war lasting two centuries
A desert covering a continent
A love at birth and another before death
A man with a trillion dollars
The meek inheriting the earth and an earthworm.
Over the years they are no longer in ones
But twos or threes or tens
The decade of shining skies
The four years of good harvest
Five of good rain
The year of the mother and the child
Dragon reindeer and unicorns
A year is a long time untouched
And grows over the walls out into the sun
Over the years
We have grown tall and our years short
Over the years I like the change up in this stanza
Sleep through
Fight through
Dance through
Listen through
But a year is a long moment
In that we remember
More than one thing
About it
If we were friends.
Over the years
A ship sails and reaches port
A sailor is drunk on the wine of courage
And then just wine
Sour vintage
Sleepy over the years.
The years blow his sails
And he pledges a year to the ocean -
A day to salt
And rest to waves.
nice poem. I enjoyed it.
it kept me moving through
and that was good. i like the variety
in the structure, too
thank you for the read
-nibbed
