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sunken spirit
I nearly found truth sedimented
at the bottom of a bottle of wine,
or at least something closely related
it has certainly felt really fine.
and I honestly wanted to say -
but my tongue would refuse to untie
(while my lips were already all numb),
paralyzed in this fear of a lie,
words collapse, any sound is too dumb
- i am watching the dust fleet away.
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(01-07-2018, 03:14 AM)vagabond Wrote: spirit
I nearly found truth sedimented
at the bottom of a bottle of wine,
or at least something closely related
it has certainly felt really fine.
and I honestly wanted to say -
but my tongue would refuse to untie
(while my lips were already all numb),
paralyzed in this fear of a lie,
words collapse, any sound seems too dumb
- i am watching the dust fleet away.
Very nice. Thought at first L2 was a little clunky, but fits in with drunktalking. The last two lines are clever:
dumb sounds neatly mismatches by inverting
sounds dumb, and
fleet away makes an arresting image of dust-bunnies sailing off like a herd of silent gray sheep while avoiding cliches such as
fly or
float. As to the title... a little too deep for me after two cups of coffee. Where's my corkscrew?
Non-practicing atheist
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thanks for commenting, duke.. yeah, the title is a bit uninspired.
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"words collapse, any sound seems too dumb" -- nice
you could call it "sedimented"
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 298
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Joined: Jul 2014
hi Ray! thanks for the comment.
changed the line a bit. how about sunken spirit for title, too cliché?
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