Bowling Green's Underbelly

[ADUnser]

Before you read the poem I just want to provide a little background. I'm more into rap than poetry but I've been getting into writing poems to improve my skills as a rapper. I don't want to rap for money or to be an entertainer, I want to shed light on some issues that plague the American south that have drastically affected myself, my community and many others in this region. Nobody is really talking about this stuff and I just want to do something to bring attention to it which is why I've been trying to get better at writing. This is just a little poem I wrote to talk about a major issue in my hometown.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise

[ellajam]

Hi, AD, I didn't read your intro, but found the piece readable and meaningful, a few notes:

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary "I find" sounds off, disconnected, it's not just what the N finds scary, it is scary.
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact, This line with the "just" below reads like filler.
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
The two lines above seem like a missed opportunity to me. This is the door to the terror where the reader could really be impacted on an emotional level, moved. I'd expand on this.
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head Again, reads as filler to me.
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise

I think a few tweaks could really raise this up, good luck with it.

[CRNDLSM]

Before you read the poem I just want to provide a little background. I'm more into rap than poetry but I've been getting into writing poems to improve my skills as a rapper. I don't want to rap for money or to be an entertainer, I want to shed light on some issues that plague the American south that have drastically affected myself, my community and many others in this region. Nobody is really talking about this stuff and I just want to do something to bring attention to it which is why I've been trying to get better at writing. This is just a little poem I wrote to talk about a major issue in my hometown.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn I like the setup with marijuana since it's pretty much a speeding ticket in a lot of places now
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit" sounds like an excuse to knock on smelly doors I dig it
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens, 
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know? I don't like 'whatya know?' There's prolly a better way to phrase and still rhyme with coke
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin maybe get to the point that these were leftover from a previous group since things were flushed hoping to solve the problem, or planted...
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend make it more personal read in the news is less credible
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity, I like this line
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic it's an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack using crack as an example to prove you know about heroin, maybe you can leave out or change, 'I know this for a fact' 
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest? I don't believe arrests should improve the problem, especially if planting is a problem
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect? So let's say they solve the bank robberies, are they to blame for drugs? CIA and FBI smuggle drugs, but who pushes them on kids? 
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine, if these problems are yours, I want the story to be more personal, it's okay to spread fiction if the point is true
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise this must be the police fault.

Your flow is nice, only a few questionable details, thanks for posting

[shemthepenman]

this is an embarrassingly awful rap, and an even worse poem. my suggestion is read more, listen to something that isn't fucking tupac and throw this shit in the bin.

and i'll wait for ella to launch this sage advice off the forum... and then re-post it...

[ADUnser]

this is an embarrassingly awful rap, and an even worse poem. my suggestion is read more, listen to something that isn't fucking tupac and throw this shit in the bin.

and i'll wait for ella to launch this sage advice off the forum... and then re-post it...

Well for one, if you read the intro you'd know this wasn't a rap, and two I posted it here because I'm trying to get better at writing. Thanks for being an ass though.

[shemthepenman]

this is an embarrassingly awful rap, and an even worse poem. my suggestion is read more, listen to something that isn't fucking tupac and throw this shit in the bin.

and i'll wait for ella to launch this sage advice off the forum... and then re-post it...

Well for one, if you read the intro you'd know this wasn't a rap, and two I posted it here because I'm trying to get better at writing. Thanks for being an ass though.

i stand by my comment, it'll will improve your writing massively.

[ADUnser]

this is an embarrassingly awful rap, and an even worse poem. my suggestion is read more, listen to something that isn't fucking tupac and throw this shit in the bin.

and i'll wait for ella to launch this sage advice off the forum... and then re-post it...

Well for one, if you read the intro you'd know this wasn't a rap, and two I posted it here because I'm trying to get better at writing. Thanks for being an ass though.

i stand by my comment, it'll will improve your writing.

No, you gave no actual criticism of the poem or its content. Calling something awful is not useful feedback which is why it's a violation of the guidelines on this forum... I don't think I'm a fantastic writer but I know for a fact this is not an awful poem. If you want to give me some real feedback, go ahead, but otherwise take your negativity somewhere else.

[tectak]

Well for one, if you read the intro you'd know this wasn't a rap, and two I posted it here because I'm trying to get better at writing. Thanks for being an ass though.

i stand by my comment, it'll will improve your writing.

No, you gave no actual criticism of the poem or its content. Calling something awful is not useful feedback which is why it's a violation of the guidelines on this forum... I don't think I'm a fantastic writer but I know for a fact this is not an awful poem. If you want to give me some real feedback, go ahead, but otherwise take your negativity somewhere else.

Shem appears to interpret "basic" in a somewhat simplistic way...it is the best he can do. You can assume that this mod is not on shem's side.Consructive crit of the poem please...first rule...and, of course, it is a common courtesy. Hmm...shem might have interpretive problems with "common". Come on...play nicely....Mod

[CRNDLSM]

I think this would be cool from the perspective of a guy in the marijuana room, arrested for hardcore drugs left by the police or the people who rented the room before them because the motel didn't clean between patrons, while blaming both possibilities

[billy]

this is an embarrassingly awful rap, and an even worse poem. my suggestion is read more, listen to something that isn't fucking tupac and throw this shit in the bin.

and i'll wait for ella to launch this sage advice off the forum... and then re-post it...

this is on forum. you're perma banned.admin/billy newbs are not here for us to bully. harsh feedback is fine if you justify it

[billy]

just to be sure you understand; this is something i see as being bad poetry, [as in it's not good or mediocre poetry]we are allowed to say it's bad if we justify it. here's my justification:

to start with it reads not as a poem, but as a story, i see some of the poetic devices yet on reading the piece it's not coming off as anything more than poetry from a beginner. while it may be good rap as the spoken word, it doesn't have enough cadence or rhythm to convert me. the story feels very very drawn out and a little implausible. you leave little to the readers imagination. it does in places have a rap feel to it but as a poem it needs a lot more from a lot less.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend only last weekend what?
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic cliche
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact, an empty phrase
Just six years ago I lived with my mom, no need for [just]
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head redundant
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise

[QDeathstar]

Before you read the poem I just want to provide a little background. I'm more into rap than poetry but I've been getting into writing poems to improve my skills as a rapper. I don't want to rap for money or to be an entertainer, I want to shed light on some issues that plague the American south that have drastically affected myself, my community and many others in this region. Nobody is really talking about this stuff and I just want to do something to bring attention to it which is why I've been trying to get better at writing. This is just a little poem I wrote to talk about a major issue in my hometown.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn This is a lot of words, you should describe the smell, for people who don’t know. “perverse sewer” comes to mind.
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence two cops is dry. too clinical.
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit" bowling green police - routine visit” has more rythm.
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause the odor did, though, right? Doesn’t work.
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin This reads as if it is written by someone who has no idea about the drugs they are talking about, how about a little flare, some slang, something to make it a little more interesting, to give the speaker character
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect? I think you might have waited a little too long to get to your point. For me, poetry is best used in brevity to convey a point or idea.
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,your? also, problems, gah, come on... This is getting angsty
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise ky makes my mind wonder, and, honestly, it’s probably not required...

---

The cops don’t arrest a lot of time for simple posssesiom because they want an excuse to stop people to check all occupants of a car for more serious warrants... but that’s ot.

[ADUnser]

just to be sure you understand; this is something i see as being bad poetry, [as in it's not good or mediocre poetry]we are allowed to say it's bad if we justify it. here's my justification:

to start with it reads not as a poem, but as a story, i see some of the poetic devices yet on reading the piece it's not coming off as anything more than poetry from a beginner. while it may be good rap as the spoken word, it doesn't have enough cadence or rhythm to convert me. the story feels very very drawn out and a little implausible. you leave little to the readers imagination. it does in places have a rap feel to it but as a poem it needs a lot more from a lot less.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend only last weekend what?
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic cliche
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact, an empty phrase
Just six years ago I lived with my mom, no need for [just]
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head redundant
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise

That's fine and thank you for your objective criticism. I only got annoyed at the other guy for not having anything valid to say and just lazily calling my poem awful. I'm not very good at this which is why I'm here.

---

Before you read the poem I just want to provide a little background. I'm more into rap than poetry but I've been getting into writing poems to improve my skills as a rapper. I don't want to rap for money or to be an entertainer, I want to shed light on some issues that plague the American south that have drastically affected myself, my community and many others in this region. Nobody is really talking about this stuff and I just want to do something to bring attention to it which is why I've been trying to get better at writing. This is just a little poem I wrote to talk about a major issue in my hometown.

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn   This is a lot of words, you should describe the smell, for people who don’t know. “perverse sewer” comes to mind.
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence two cops is dry. too clinical.
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit" bowling green police - routine visit” has more rythm.
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause the odor did, though, right? Doesn’t work.
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin This reads as if it is written by someone who has no idea about the drugs they are talking about, how about a little flare, some slang, something to make it a little more interesting, to give the speaker character
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect? I think you might have waited a little too long to get to your point. For me, poetry is best used in brevity to convey a point or idea.
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,your? also, problems, gah, come on...  This is getting angsty
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise ky makes my mind wonder, and, honestly, it’s probably not required...

---

The cops don’t arrest a lot of time for simple posssesiom because they want an excuse to stop people to check all occupants of a car for more serious warrants... but that’s ot.

The first section of this poem comes straight from a news article so your criticism of that part having errors outside of the way I wrote it doesn't really hold up for me. As for the part about the drugs, we don't use street slang in Bowling Green. We just call it what it is. There's a problem here and I want to talk about it, but I'm not from a place that uses that type of terminology so I'm not going to. I disagree with a lot of your criticisms because it honestly feels like your criticizing my reality which is just a bit ridiculous and not relevant to the way the poem is written. Thanks for the feedback though.

[QDeathstar]

Ok, but if i want to read a news article i generally go to a news website, so your justification really doesn’t work for me. A poem needs a little color, spice, perfume. A poem isn’t an idle collection of words. Drugs are bad, you could have just said that.

[ADUnser]

Ok, but if i want to read a news article i generally go to a news website, so your justification really doesn’t work for me. A poem needs a little color, spice, perfume.  A poem isn’t an idle collection of words. Drugs are bad, you could have just said that.

I think you're being a little too strict with your definition of poetry. A poem can be about real things, I used an actual scene to establish credibility. By your logic I guess Tupac's entire career as a rapper was pointless because he could've just said "don't be racist, drugs are bad, poverty's bad, etc..." If you haven't lived in poverty or been affected by drugs then you don't really have the right to tell me what to say about them, because I have. I wrote this because nobody pays attention to the way drugs and poverty are affecting smaller towns like Bowling Green and I want to improve my skills so I can do something to bring attention to it. Criticize the poem for its quality all you want, but don't tell me what I can or can't talk about when you haven't experienced these things. Poetry is about self expression, it isn't strictly what you want it to be.

[QDeathstar]

A poem can be about real things. Tupac dropped some mean beats as well, his music had rythm. He added something to reality to make it matter. Tupac obviously was a great musician and performer, but that doesn’t make him a great poet. They are two very different things.


Your poem, i’m just here to offer my critique.

[vagabond]

Ok, but if i want to read a news article i generally go to a news website, so your justification really doesn’t work for me. A poem needs a little color, spice, perfume.  A poem isn’t an idle collection of words. Drugs are bad, you could have just said that.

I think you're being a little too strict with your definition of poetry. A poem can be about real things, I used an actual scene to establish credibility. By your logic I guess Tupac's entire career as a rapper was pointless because he could've just said "don't be racist, drugs are bad, poverty's bad, etc..." If you haven't lived in poverty or been affected by drugs then you don't really have the right to tell me what to say about them, because I have. I wrote this because nobody pays attention to the way drugs and poverty are affecting smaller towns like Bowling Green and I want to improve my skills so I can do something to bring attention to it. Criticize the poem for its quality all you want, but don't tell me what I can or can't talk about when you haven't experienced these things. Poetry is about self expression, it isn't strictly what you want it to be.

drug abuse is a relative term, poverty as well, much more so. lots of people that would not suit your personal definition of poverty  would have to shut up in your opinion. and by the same logic you would have to stay silent about poverty since there are probably millions of people on this planet trying (and often failing) to live  on less than most people here can obtain.

self expression and bringing attention to small town problems  doesn´t mix easily.
that said, i do think, like a lot of comments stated before that your poem is too long (not because of word count but because of content/ images per words).
if you left out some filling lines it would be easier to read, what i did to your poem below is just a bad example of what i mean.



The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
 a quiet "hush" was followed
by a toilet flush
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
under the bed, a bag of coke
in the nightstand, a stash of heroin
This town may not have a ghetto
but underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green is scary
Every day more drugs pass through
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
 my mom was addicted to crack
but Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,                                          this line needs explaining: i don´t want to guess how the drug addict´s problems become those of the narrator. or if it is the problem of another group of people.
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize                            them.. the drug-addicted low life you mean?  setting drug-addicts apart in such a way doesn´t help the problem i think.
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise .



I bet you think it's an isolated incident,              most of the readers wouldn´t think that.  instead you may describe how people in the small town close their eyes to their surrounding.

[billy]

he criticized the reality of the poem; not of you. we can only tell you what we see in a poem, not what you think we should see. in the words of the mod gods; wear a thick skin and just say thank you for the feedback [use it or leave it / mod

Bowling Green's Underbelly

The odor of burning marijuana reeks from a room at the Days Inn   This is a lot of words, you should describe the smell, for people who don’t know. “perverse sewer” comes to mind.
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence two cops is dry. too clinical.
They knock on the door,
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit" bowling green police - routine visit” has more rythm.
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Now the door opens,
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
But that ain't all, something's odd
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause the odor did, though, right? Doesn’t work.
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin This reads as if it is written by someone who has no idea about the drugs they are talking about, how about a little flare, some slang, something to make it a little more interesting, to give the speaker character
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect? I think you might have waited a little too long to get to your point. For me, poetry is best used in brevity to convey a point or idea.
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,your? also, problems, gah, come on...  This is getting angsty
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise ky makes my mind wonder, and, honestly, it’s probably not required...

---

The cops don’t arrest a lot of time for simple posssesiom because they want an excuse to stop people to check all occupants of a car for more serious warrants... but that’s ot.
[/quote]

The first section of this poem comes straight from a news article so your criticism of that part having errors outside of the way I wrote it doesn't really hold up for me. As for the part about the drugs, we don't use street slang in Bowling Green. We just call it what it is. There's a problem here and I want to talk about it, but I'm not from a place that uses that type of terminology so I'm not going to. I disagree with a lot of your criticisms because it honestly feels like your criticizing my reality which is just a bit ridiculous and not relevant to the way the poem is written. Thanks for the feedback though.
[/quote]

[Knot]

Hi ADU,
I like the opening; economical scene setting and dialogue
(though I would like to know how the 'bust' ended).
Then, you switched to the first person and I got lost.
Some thoughts.


The odor of burning marijuana
I'd suggest breaking the line here, if only for appearances.
reeks from a room at the Days Inn
This is a bit bland. I think you might improve it
simply by providing a room number.
Two cops were on the scene, pure coincidence
They knock on the door,
You might tighten this to;
Pure coincidence, two cops
on the scene, knock
on the door.
(Slight issue, for me, with two 'on's in proximity)
"Who is it?"
"It's the Bowling Green Police on a routine visit"
Similarly, here you go 'it? It's' -
Perhaps try;
"Who is it?"
"Bowling Green Police [Ma'am/Sir],
just a routine visit"
No reply, only a quiet "hush"
I think you could provide a bit more here,
even an incoherent sentence as the
speaker tries to address both the cops
and whoever else is in the room.
Followed by the sound of a toilet flush
Again, purely for appearances,
I'd suggest leaving a line here.
Let the reader fill in the silence
and imply the passage of time.

Now the door opens,
How does the door open?
Hesitantly? Confidently? ...
It ain't hard to tell what they been smoking,
You've already told the reader
what they've been smoking
(in the first line) so this adds nothing.
I'd be interested in a description
(just a word or two) as to who
opens the door.
But that ain't all, something's odd
I don't think you can justify this line.
A suspicious bag gave em probable cause
Where was the bag? How wide was the door
open? How much of the room could the cops see?
The cops bust in, what'ya know?
Looked under the bed and found a bag of coke
So is this the same bag as the 'suspicious' one?
If so, why did the cops have to 'look' under the bed?
Now in the nightstand, they found a stash of heroin
Do you need 'now'?
(There doesn't seem to be much of a pay off
to this section)

Why the switch from third to first person?
I ain't spitting fiction, Read this in the Daily News
Is this the actual name of the paper,
it just sounds rather generic after Days Inn?
(Overall I think the piece suffers from a lack of detail,
both geographic, this could be anywhere, and more generally.
For instance, were the dealers black/white/male/female/etc.?)
Only last weekend
I bet you think it's an isolated incident,
But pay attention and the issue's evident
Underneath the guise of regularity,
Bowling Green has a side that I find scary
Every day more drugs pass through
It's like an epidemic
Heroin is spreading like the common flu
I know this for a fact,
Not sure what any of this has to do with the 'Inn' scene.

Yet another change,
and this one feels like an entirely separate piece.
Just six years ago I lived with my mom,
and she was addicted to crack
Yet there's rarely an arrest
Man, are the cops taking a rest?
The problem for me is that you open
the piece with an arrest.
The cops were clearly working.
Off the top of my head
There were about 8 bank robberies last year
All of em unsolved, do ya'll even want my respect?
Not sure who 'ya'll' are, or who 'you' are.
(This may well work in performance,
but I don't think it does on the page)
This town may not have a ghetto
But drugs and violence are here, it shows
Everybody can keep living blind,
Act like your problems aren't mine,
But this has gone on too long and it's just a matter of time
Before more of em wise up and realize
Bowling Green, Ky is a low life's paradise
Bit of a weak ending, which, I suspect,
will be misread as 'gangster paradise'.

I like the scene you set with the accidental drugs bust at the Inn.
and I think if you developed it, contrasting the comedic with the tragic,
you could use it to make the social commentary as well,
For instance, could you connect the 'odor of burning marijuana'
to 'I lived with my mom'?
Hope this helps.

Best, Knot.