Slow Afternoons - Edit

[dukealien]

Slow Afternoons

On rainy, weary afternoons
my internet connection lags—
not due to wires becoming wet
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming
videos in lieu of dreaming.

On rainy, empty afternoons
my internet connection slows
not due to wires becoming wet
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming
videos in lieu of dreaming.

[chopblock]

Soon your internet will be slowing because of the Net Neutrality changes: just kidding

All jokes aside,
I appreciate the line breaks and do not believe they could be better as the poem is. Especially the break between
"not due to my wires becoming wet (here I am really able to feel the wetness of the rainy day. It comes back and I can imagine water pattering on a window sitting on a laptop)
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming"

I really have a thing for short poems lately. They tell a story so quickly and every word seems to matter a bit more. As a bit of feedback I could see this poem being stronger with stronger sensory words. "slows" especially I think could be targeted at a stronger word (potentially even a negative word depending if you are trying to create a feeling of discontent with the lack of internet speed). A word like "crawls" feels strong to me.

[dukealien]

Slow Afternoons

edit1;

On rainy, weary afternoons
my internet connection lags—
not due to wires becoming wet
but from my sleepless neighbor streaming
videos in lieu of dreaming.

---

Thanks to @chopblock for the good critique.  I've addressed the criticism in this edit.

At the risk of explaining... "slows" was nice for dragging things out, but repeated the title; "crawls" is a good suggestion, but in the end I favored "lags" because it suggests the way a bad internet connection behaves as well as that it *should* be going faster... a little moral harrumph,  with the em dash for drag.  As to replacing "empty," it was just, well, empty - which is descriptive enough, but I stuck in "weary" because you can't beat Poe for describing a laudanum downer.