Envy on Emeralds.

[billy]

We picnicked on a cornucopia of grass that poured,
like emerald shards, into the water-lapped black
of Pickmere boating lake:
Two adults, playing happy family with seven
teen tearaways, though I was actually nine

Down the slope a small child of a few months
sits like a small Buddha on a red checked blanket
between the legs of an attentive dad
while under the watch an adoring mum.
They don’t see me feasting on them
They’re too busy enjoying the gurgle of garbage
spewing from the baby’s mouth.

A timid “time for home kids”
brings me to my senses.
I save the image.

lights go out…

Mum and dad set the picnic blanket
my eyes fix on a large group of yobs
further up the grassy slope.
and a smaller boy of seven or eight,
The boy stares longingly at my parents
I pretend not to notice.

[heslopian]

This is my favourite poem by you since "Urbanised." The narrative is clear and controlled, with a distinct beginning and end, the themes are sad but not depressing - this strikes me as more serious than your recent pieces - and there's a richness of expression in the opening verse ("emerald shards," "cornucopia of grass") which sets the scene magnificently.
There's not much I can offer you in the way of critique, except that in the fourth line of the second stanza there should really be an "of" after "watch."
A dark and poignant reflection on childhood.

[Lawrence]

To be honest, actually, "emerald shards" seems a bit weak.
It sounds like I've heard it before; perhaps it's a tad cliche?
"happy family" also fits into this category, although the first strophe is very good.

The reiteration of "small" doesn't work for me in stanza two.
"Attending dad" seems a bit weak. Can't suggest anything, though :p
"Adoring mum" does as well.
Is "grassy slope" cliche?

And Hes seems to of pointed out the "of", so otherwise...

I loved the piece, do not get me wrong. These are just trifles.

[billy]

thanks for the kind words jack and yes an off is missing

thanks for the trifles lawrence. i'll give them some thought in an edit. most of what you mention can be sorted without changing the tone. emerald slivers instead of shards.
not sure about grassy slope though it probably is lol. i think i can do something wityh mum and dad.