A Morning Persuation

[tidalnymph]

Why don't we just pretend, babe
that the world has stopped revolving today
and we both don't have to go to work or somewhere
to do our usual insignificant and boring habits,
like saving the world from it's everyday crisis
Just for today, lets have the world
save itself from its own mess
and just stay here with me, in bed
For I'm the one who needs more saving--

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

Why don't you just go back here in bed with me, babe
and stop struggling against your will?
The sun is shining especially exquisite for us today
and it'll be such a waste not to lie under it
while doing nothing
or if you want we can just stare at each other
idly, all day
or talk about things that doesn't really make much sense

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

Or why don't we just do it my way?
We'll pretend that inside this sheets
is Eden, Neverland or Wonderland
(Or wherever you want...)
And we'll ride each other
in all ways possible
just to get there

I wanted you to get so fucking lost deeply into me
that it'll be hard for us to tell
where your body begins and mine ends
But we wouldn't mind
for we have all day to figure it out

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

And babe, can we just pretend
that we didn't just met last night
and I haven't forgotten your name?
(Damn, was it Alejandro, Roberto or Antonio?)
Well it doesn't really matter,
'cos I think I just fell in love
with you
at this moment--

Only because the world has stopped revolving today...

[billy]

will reply after i get back from doing some work good to see you drop poem in

[addy]

Very interesting. At first I found the use of "babe" pretty distracting, but later in the poem when the reader finds out that the POV character is in fact in bed with a stranger then "babe" makes sense as a way to cover up the fact she doesn't even know this person's name via sexual bravado.

For the line, "Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today..." I don't think 'anyways' is necessary but that's just me. With a few of the lines here, the extra words just make it sound more prose than poetry.

"We'll pretend that inside this sheets is Eden, Neverland or Wonderland "... I loved those lines.

Thanks for the read!

[billy]

Why don't we just pretend, babe
that the world has stopped revolving today
and we both don't have to go to work or somewhere
to do our usual insignificant and boring habits,
like saving the world from it's everyday crisis
Just for today, lets have the world
save itself from its own mess
and just stay here with me, in bed
For I'm the one who needs more saving-- [are 'for' and 'more' needed?]

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

Why don't you just go back here in bed with me, babe
and stop struggling against your will?
The sun is shining especially exquisite for us today
and it'll be such a waste not to lie under it
while doing nothing
or if you want we can just stare at each other
idly, all day
or talk about things that doesn't really make much sense

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

Or why don't we just do it my way?
We'll pretend that inside this sheets ['these' not this]
is Eden, Neverland or Wonderland
(Or wherever you want...)
And we'll ride each other
in all ways possible
just to get there

I wanted you to get so fucking lost deeply into me [feels a little cliché]
that it'll be hard for us to tell
where your body begins and mine ends [feels a little cliché]
But we wouldn't mind
for we have all day to figure it out

Anyways, the world has stopped revolving today...

And babe, can we just pretend
that we didn't just met last night ['meet' not met]
and I haven't forgotten your name?
(Damn, was it Alejandro, Roberto or Antonio?)
Well it doesn't really matter,
'cos I think I just fell in love
with you
at this moment--

Only because the world has stopped revolving today...

for me this line;
Only because the world has stopped revolving today...
would read better as;
Only because the world should stop revolving today...

loads to like about this. the last verse was my fave. the poem on the whole, flowed well, it felt a little tell and not show but for me that worked in this instance.

it does feel a little wordy and i don't think it would take much of an edit to take some of the smaller words out., still, i found it to be a good read. thanks for posting it tidal.

[tidalnymph]

thanks billy... to tell you the truth this poem is kind of experimental that's why I don't know what to make out of it yet... but your comment helps a lot... Thanksss sooo much!

---

thanks for finding it interesting