Don't Develop Allergies

[Mopkins]

EDIT

btw song so not metrically ok because of long drawn out sung lyrics and pauses


Don't Develop Allergies

i ate too much fairy floss
and ended up possessed
by one of the wee folk
who got stuck inside my chest
kept coughing up enchantments
and burping up brownies
was vomiting wings and things
and drooling out blarney
So went to see the druid
who gave me holly boughs
at least that's what i thought they were
i smoked them anyhow
regurgitated puffs of stuff
which exorcised my chest
smoked the remaining buds and blooms
and forgot all the rest

don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
the pills you pop to calm the rash
may make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
to be considered carefully
know what you scoff might get you off
but can confuse your clarity

Then I got me the munchies
need for dairy overwhelmed me
got  literate intolerance
belched lactose lyrics breezy
i had half-rhyming heartburn
throat choked with apostrophies
the anti-acids that i took
made me somewhat queasy
i quoted creamy quatrains
and yodelled yoghurt yearnings
unseemly screamed for icecream
my digestive system churning
my tummy rumbled rustic rhymes
my toosh trumpeted tunes
the air was so thick and hazy
i hallucinated out the room

don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
the pills you pop to calm the rash
may make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
to be considered carefully
know what you scoff might get you off
but can confuse your clarity

i next nurtured nut allergies
probably because i'm one
there went all the rocky road
and snickers bars and fun
crisis- creating coconuts
afflictions from all almonds
weirdness from wrinkly walnuts
pistachios produced mounds
bitterly bought no betal nuts
consumed no more cashews
buried bags of brazil nuts
set the macadamias loose
hauled a pile of hazelnuts
hurtfully to the trash-heap
and home-brewed all the chestnuts
quaffed, queasy quantum leap

don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
the pills you pop to calm the rash
may make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
to be considered carefully
know what you scoff might get you off
but can confuse your clarity

my sire scoffed shovels of seafood
which oozed with iodine
i broke out in red rashes
in spots i had never seen
bought no more barramundi
abstained from abalone
believed bass to be blasphemous
gutsed globs of salmagundi
collected no more crabs to crumb
cast no more nets for crays
gave up gobbling gropers              
got no more kicks from stingrays
my burning blistered bits
defied calamine lotion
then i accidently ate sardines
and leapt into the cosmic ocean

don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
the pills you pop to calm the rash
may make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
to be considered carefully
know what you scoff might get you off
but can confuse your clarity

oh don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
the pills you pop to calm the rash
may make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
to be considered carefully
know what you scoff might get you off
but can confuse your clarity


original
Don't Develop Allergies
 
 
i ate too much fairy floss
and ended up possessed
by one of the wee folk
who got stuck inside my chest
kept coughing in enchantment
burping up brownies
vomiting wings and things
and drooling out blarney
went to see the druid
he gave me holly boughs
at least that's what i thought they were
i smoked them anyhow
regurgitated puffs of smoke
which exorcised my chest
smoked the remaining holly boughs
and forgot all the rest
 
don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash
make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
consider carefully
what you scoff might get you off
but confuse your clarity
 
then i ate too much dairy
became considerably cheesy
got  literate intolererance
burped up lactose lyrics breezy
my throat burned with apostrophies
i had half-rhyming heartburn
the anti-acids that i took
gave me trouble in discerning
i quoted creamy quatrains
and yodelled yoghurt yearnings
screamed unseemingly for icecream
my digestive system churning
my tummy rumbled rustic rhymes
my toosh trumpeted tunes
the air was so thick and hazy
i hallucinated out the room
 
don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash
make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
consider carefully
what you scoff might get you off
but confuse your clarity
 
i next nurtured nut allergies
probably because i'm one
there went all the rocky road
and snickers bars at once
crisis- creating coconuts
afflictions from all almonds
weirdness from wrinkly walnuts
plonked the peanuts into  ponds
bitterly bought no betal nuts
consumed no more cashews
buried bags of brazil nuts
set the macadamias loose
hauled a heap of hazelnuts
hurtfully to the trash-heap
and home-brewed all the chestnuts
quaffed, queasy quantum leap
 
don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash
make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
consider carefully
what you scoff might get you off
but confuse your clarity
 
my sires scoffed shovels of seafood
which oozed with iodine
i broke out in red rashes
in spots i had never seen
bought no more barramundi
abstained from abalone
believed  bass to be blasphemous
gutsed globs of salmagundi
collected no more crabs to crumb
cast no more nets for crays
gave up gobbling gropers
got no more kicks from stingrays
my burning blistered bits
defied calamine lotion
accidently ate sardines
and leapt in the cosmic ocean
 
don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash
make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
consider carefully
what you scoff might get you off
but confuse your clarity
 
oh don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash
make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
consider carefully
what you scoff might get you off
but confuse your clarity

[Knot]

Hey Mopkins,
lot of fun, enjoyed the read.
If this intended as a song then the chorus is fine, but read as a poem it is rather intrusive and would work better as a coda.
Suggestions/comments below, hope they're of some use.

Best, Knot

Don't Develop Allergies

i ate too much fairy floss
and ended up possessed
by one of the wee folk
who got stuck inside my chest
kept coughing in enchantment
burping up brownies
vomiting wings and things
and drooling out blarney
the flow seems a bit awkward in these last four lines
just a suggestion.
I kept coughing up enchantments
and burping fudge brownies
was vomiting wings and things
and drooling out blarney.
went to see the druid
So went to see the druid?
he gave me holly boughs
'who' instead of 'he'?
at least that's what i thought they were
i smoked them anyhow
regurgitated puffs of smoke
not too keen on 'smoke' so soon after 'smoked'
perhaps,
regurgitated puffs and palls ?
which exorcised my chest
smoked the remaining holly boughs
another 'smoked' and repeating 'holly boughs'
and forgot all the rest
'all the rest' of what? - looks like this is just here for the rhyme.
just a suggestion
chained one jolly green after another
and soon forgot 'bout all the rest

don't develop allergies
they're really quite unseemly
and the pills you pop to calm the rash      (do you mean 'rush'?)
[may] make you very dreamy
side-effects are serious
[to be] consider[d] carefully
[Know] what you scoff might get you off
but [can] confuse your clarity

then i ate too much dairy
became considerably cheesy
got literate intolerance
burped up lactose lyrics breezy
This doesn't work that well for me after the 'chorus',
it feels like you've missed a line (as it were).
Just a suggestion:
Then I got me the munchies
need for dairy overwhelmed me
developed literate intolerance
and belched lactose lyrics breezy.
my throat burned with apostrophies
perhaps 'choked' rather than 'burned' (leaves 'heartburn')
i had half-rhyming heartburn
the anti-acids that i took
gave me trouble in discerning
'discerning' - this doesn't quite work grammatically
i quoted creamy quatrains
and yodelled yoghurt yearnings
screamed unseemingly for icecream
(unseemly screamed for icecream?)
my digestive system churning
my tummy rumbled rustic rhymes
my toosh trumpeted tunes
the air was so thick and hazy
i hallucinated out the room
'out the room' makes little sense - is that deliberate (or slang?).

...

i next nurtured nut allergies
perhaps 'sensitivity' for 'allergies'?
probably because i'm one
the contraction breaks the rhythm
there went all the rocky road
seems a bit too close to the 'dairy' stanza
and snickers bars at once
this rhyme is too weak, disrupts the flow.
crisis- creating coconuts
afflictions from all almonds
weirdness from wrinkly walnuts
perhaps 'wrongness' rather than 'weirdness'?
plonked the peanuts into ponds
this line doesn't really fit with the previous three
bitterly bought no betal nuts
consumed no more cashews
buried bags of brazil nuts
set the macadamias loose
very nice line.
hauled a heap of hazelnuts
hurtfully to the trash-heap
tow 'heap's in two lines.
and home-brewed all the chestnuts
quaffed, queasy quantum leap
suddenly a pun? Quantum Leap is an old 'chestnut?
Or have I misunderstood?

...

my sires scoffed shovels of seafood
Plural? How many 'sires' does N have?
which oozed with iodine
i broke out in red rashes
in spots i had never seen
bought no more barramundi
abstained from abalone
believed bass to be blasphemous
nice line
gutsed globs of salmagundi
collected no more crabs to crumb
cast no more nets for crays
gave up gobbling gropers               ('groupers' ? - unless this is something else entirely )
got no more kicks from stingrays
my burning blistered bits
defied calamine lotion
perhaps 'calming' before 'calamine'?
[Then I ] accidently ate sardines
and leapt in[to] the cosmic ocean

...
...

[Mopkins]

gee think u may have put more work into editing that i put into scribbling it in the first place
greatly appreciate the wise advice - ta muchly