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Oh, to be a bird and fly!
freedom,
soaring above mortal toil
fleeing in altitudes-
the gravity of the mundane
escaping the grinding down
of a measured life
what chance of flight now
thirty five summers
then consumed of dust
Psalm 39:4
LORD, make me to know mine end,
and the measure of my days,
what it is; that I may know how frail I am.
Someday the Mystery will be known
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(11-16-2017, 02:58 AM)homer1950 Wrote: Oh' to be a bird and fly!
freedom,
soaring above mortal toil Give me an example of mortal toil, something I can feel.
fleeing in altitudes-
the gravity of the mundane Again, show me mundane - this is mundane.
escaping the grinding down good line
of a measured life
what chance of flight now
thirty five summers
then consumed of dust
Pslam 39:4
LORD, make me to know mine end,
and the measure of my days,
what it is; that I may know how frail I am.
My thoughts, I think it would be stronger if you make me experience those concepts.
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(11-16-2017, 02:58 AM)homer1950 Wrote: reading this poem i think of the movie "bird man" and how the bible quote destroys him.
Quote:Oh' to be a bird and fly! why the apostrophe?
freedom,
soaring above mortal toil everyone is mortal.. from the moment we were born, the lucky ones make it to the statistical life expectancy. freedom has nothing to do with that. toil is ever-present, was from the stone ages, you want food, go out and hunt. it´s the mechanisms of modern life that converted "toil" into something despicable that may or may not have sense anymore.
fleeing in altitudes-
the gravity of the mundane gravity of the mundane.. i think in a postmodern society the "mundane" is not grave enough to keep us on the ground. which has a good side and a bad side. so i guess i don´t quite get what you want to express with this phrase, is it really the mundane that causes this "gravity"?
escaping the grinding down
of a measured life though i (think i) get your idea you might replace that with a more specific image.. i am not sure it fits to the topic, let me (as a reader) see what you mean.
what chance of flight now so the above mentioned escape is abandoned
thirty five summers sounds like an early midlife crisis
then consumed of dust
Pslam 39:4
LORD, make me to know mine end,
and the measure of my days,
what it is; that I may know how frail I am. it stands there, like a recommendation to wait for better times or an afterlife - so offensive that your poem actually makes me want to fight against that. so, all in all, good topic. i probably interpreted it in a way you didn´t intend, but that´s not important
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Oh' to be a bird and fly! What's with the Oh' ? Shouldn't it be Oh, ?
freedom, seriously, this word just looks wrong without cap
soaring above mortal toil
fleeing in altitudes-
the gravity of the mundane I see depravity of the mundane, is that on purpose?
escaping the grinding down
of a measured life
what chance of flight now
thirty five summers I can only guess this is age
then consumed of dust
Pslam 39:4 Psalm
LORD, make me to know mine end,
and the measure of my days,
what it is; that I may know how frail I am.
The meter was good, but why pick and choose punctuation and caps? Perhaps make it
solid all the way through. Is the Scripture meant as sarcasm? I can't tell, but it might be
me today, the worship center of my noodle has been stimulated. The title caused a smile.
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
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Thanks everyone enjoyed your responses and appreciate the time and effort to read and reply love this Community
Someday the Mystery will be known
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Oh' to be a bird and fly! (why the apostrophe???)
freedom,
soaring above mortal toil (yawn cliched mortal toil ' why not 'sordid soil')
fleeing in altitudes- (maybe ascending in place of fleeing for spiritual oomph)
the gravity of the mundane
escaping the grinding down (hmmm maybe 'escaping the granulated hours'????)
of a measured life
what chance of flight now (question mark???)
thirty five summers
then consumed of dust ('by' in place of 'of')
Psalm 39:4
LORD, make me to know mine end,
and the measure of my days,
what it is; that I may know how frail I am. (just like the guy that got to see the grail huh?)
cool and cruisy -compliments
My Muse, to labour chained
demure, pure, restrained
may yet escape -
i'll grab his cape
and hitch-hike to new planes
mehopkins1971.wordpress.com
