The Cockroach Squirm

[Wjames]

Mother taught me to dance
with her foot on my neck
and a bottle of poison
in her hand.

You writhe limp towards the heels edge
as your spine is ground to a pulp free juice
that trickles fire in your mouth
and reddens your eyes.

I break it out at parties
when heat strobes panic
in stilted patterns towards 
the heel edge
of a bottle.

[kolemath]

Mother taught me to dance
with her foot on my neck
and a bottle of poison
in her hand. great opening stanza, images and violence

You writhe limp towards the heels edge a also like the shift to 2nd person, which normally annoys me
as your spine is ground to a pulp free juice
that trickles fire in your mouth does the juice trickle fire? i'm not sure...is it the bottle that trickles?
and reddens your eyes. not as strong as the other images

I break it out at parties is break the best verb?
when heat strobes panic great image
in stilted patterns towards 
the heel edge
of a bottle. i liked heel's edge above (is this possessive) but it seems less consistent to say your heel is on the edge of a bottle, where as the heel's edge of a metaphorical cliff works nicely above, at least to my reading.. or maybe I'm missing something

[vagabond]

Mother taught me to dance
with her foot on my neck
and a bottle of poison          
in her hand.

You writhe limp towards the heels edge
as your spine is ground to a pulp free juice       an intense way to describe bone-deep fear...
that trickles fire in your mouth                                ..and choking
and reddens your eyes.

I break it out at parties                          first association was "break dance" but then i always thought that to be not as dark..
                                                                          still serves to let me see dancing as a stress relieve (even if just an attempt at)
when heat strobes panic
in stilted patterns towards
the heel edge
of a bottle.

cruel topic.
first i imagined it should be 1st person in the second stanza , but 2nd person brings  the memory to the present in a better way.
maybe just write "and poison in her hand" to avoid the repetition (the flashback from the last to the first stanza would still be clear).
and maybe for the same reason, "you writhe limp under the heel"

[Youi]

Mother taught me to dance OK. Cockroaches, mothers teaching, and squirming. This is a good and interesting intro.
with her foot on my neck
and a bottle of poison
in her hand. I was imagining a cockroach mother stomping its cockroach child. The bottle of poison in its hand turns this into a "cartoony" picture. It's not an outstanding observation, but the rest of your poem is not funny- conflict in feelings conveyed.

You writhe limp towards the heels edge I don't like this shift. It confuses me. "You" is who? 
as your spine is ground to a pulp free juice
that trickles fire in your mouth
and reddens your eyes. 

I break it out at parties
when heat strobes panic
in stilted patterns towards 
the heel edge
of a bottle. You came back to first person. If there is a reason you switched from stanza to stanza, I don't understand it.

I like the originality, which is a strength you are going to impress people with. I don't like the ambiguity, though. What I understand is that you and your mother are "cockroach" people, and she turned you into a spineless alcoholic. So that leaves this "you" character open to interpretation. I would suggest tweaking stanza two a bit (in your own way, I'm not gonna come up with examples) so there is some clarification. Good poem!

[nibbed]

Mother taught me to dance
with her foot on my neck
and a bottle of poison
in her hand.

You writhe limp towards the heels edge
as your spine is ground to a pulp free juice
that trickles fire in your mouth
and reddens your eyes.

I break it out at parties
when heat strobes panic
in stilted patterns towards 
the heel edge
of a bottle.

I tried to reply, but then I backed out because I wasn't sure what I critiqued would be helpful. I think it needs some clarification, too. Is the poison taken to parties, does circumstance cause cowardliness, is it the circumstance that is taken to parties? I am confused. Plus it is really dark and worrisome. I hope the poet is okay, though. I hope you are feeling warmth and happiness.

nibbed