Give / Take (II)
#1
First time posting -- please be brutal. 



Give / Take (II)


attempting subtlety
attempting                        invasiveness
like ivy
i cling to the dead
to wood and bricks
              and practice
                symbiosis


but i can’t
get a tight enough grip i
can’t revive what’s gone and
never existed and
truthfully i can’t
find the crevices that
                                 fit


too easy to cut away,             attachment
is flower business
and gardener’s
work.
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#2
I really enjoy the style that this is written in. The words that are clearly broken off adds a certain emotion that is hard to describe, but overall I believe effective. The lowercase sentences work well, the only thing is that I would consider maybe putting a period after you're ending a paragraph, just to give more of a halt between them.
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#3
Hi abstract
I don't understand the layout, I'm afraid, so I'll leave that to others to comment on.

I like the opening, the repetition of 'attempting',
but I get lost on what kind of symbiotic relationship one might have with 'the dead' or 'bricks'.

Would suggest trimming S2 to;
but i can’t
get a tight enough grip
can’t revive what’s gone
[what] never existed
truthfully i can’t
find the crevices that
                                 fit

S3 reads like there are lines missing, I'm lost here.
though 'gardener's work', whatever this turns out to be, is intriguing.


Best, Knot.
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#4
Hi abstract, this is a really appealing structure visually. After a few read throughs, I’m convinced it’s about what goes on in one’s mind that enables relationships to work. “attempting subtlety

attempting                        invasiveness” obviously alludes to the courtship process.
 
but i can’t
get a tight enough grip i
can’t revive what’s gone and
never existed and
truthfully i can’t
find the crevices that
                                 fit
 
The above stanza expresses the retrospective feelings many people (male and female) allow themselves to acknowledge when they no longer want to foster a relationship, or at least keep it functioning. People sometimes admit that they had lied to themselves regarding their true feelings for another, sometimes lying to make a relationship work due to the biological need for social connection and further, sexual intimacy. This can also be explored as the internal compromising one goes through in order to satiate their sexual desires, opening up the argument that an interpersonal connection is sometimes non-existent but feigned either consciously or subconsciously in order to achieve a desired end. I interpreted the “i can’t find the crevices that fit” phrase as meaning the speaker can’t list the qualities of their former flame that made them attractive—because they weren’t there to begin with?
 
That’s what I also interpreted in the second part of the 1st stanza (especially with the word practice):
 
like ivy
i cling to the dead
to wood and bricks
              and practice
                symbiosis
 
Then near the end we have “too easy to cut away,             attachment” because they’re figments of our own devising. The last 3 lines seem to be pretty cool metaphorically as well, meaning the blooming of relationships to various levels and with varying degrees of genuineness is a natural process, and us gardeners have to tend to and maintain them—or clip them down, uproot them and plant new ones.
 
I agree with Knot, the 2nd stanza can be tightened up and made even more uniform than it already is. Good job!
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