Standing

[Youi]

I don't know our love anymore.
It walked out the door before you
and left me standing in this room.
Every breath is our last together,
as stale as dust on the wooden floor
and our portrait, still on the dresser.

[abstractconstriction]

I think what strikes me most about this poem is its simplicity. It leaves a lot to be questioned, but there is a familiarity that allows readers to individually conjure a corresponding image -- their own room with wood floors, their own imagined portrait of themselves + subject on the dresser, their own door through which the subject exits. I think the lack of description here works in creating the general sense of stillness, sadness, and nostalgia that aligns with the feeling of no longer understanding/knowing the intimate dynamics of a relationship you thought you once did.

My suggestion here would be to extend, extend, extend - drag out this feeling an use those line breaks! There's a lot that can be done with line breaks that may make the reader pause for a second longer and develop the emotions you are trying to convey. Right now, the poem reads pretty fast and it feels like it ends too suddenly.

As an example, this:


as stale as dust on the wooden floor
and our portrait, still on the dresser.


Reads differently from this:

as stale as dust
on the wooden floor
and our portrait,
still on the dresser.

I am in no way suggesting this is the right way, or how you would necessarily want to break it up! But it is something to think about

[Youi]

Thank you. And extension may inspire me to add a little bit more. It'll be challenging because I was trying to avoid sounding awkward.

[ClaireLou]

I love this, so pulling at the heart strings, I crave it to be a little linger though, written with the same level of emotion & intensity. Im agreeing with the more request ..... not too much but maybe another verse please

[Richard]

Hey Youi,
I like the overall idea here. I do have some suggestions about the wording though:

I don't know our love anymore. -For some reason the word "love" doesn't strike me as right. What if you change "our love" to "us"?
It walked out the door before you -If you do what I suggested above, then this line could read something like "What we used to be walked out before you"
and left me standing in this room.
Every breath is our last together, -This line feels like filler, and I would actually suggest removing it. I know this goes against what everyone else said about expanding this poem.
as stale as dust on the wooden floor -If you removed the previous line, then I would replace the "as" here with something like "we were"
and our portrait, still on the dresser. -I would suggest removing the "and" here.

I do agree with what the others said about expanding on this idea and giving more images/details. However, I think keeping this short is a valid option as well.

Cheers,
Richard

[Linda]

I don't know our love anymore.
It walked out the door before you
and left me standing in this room.
Every breath is our last together,
as stale as dust on the wooden floor
and our portrait, still on the dresser.

I like this, the simplicity of it, it has great potential but needs more in order to leave a lasting impression,
I would suggest adding an image of what you felt like standing in that room, what image depicts total
abandonment for you and go from there.  Then pick up with " every breath is our last together"
 
or maybe, our last breath together remains here
as stale dust on the wooden floor 
Hope this helps
Linda

[Caine]

I don't know our love anymore.
It walked out the door before you
and left me standing in this room.
Every breath is our last together,
as stale as dust on the wooden floor
and our portrait, still on the dresser.

I like it for its simplicity however in my opinion it is missing impact and power. Many poets can use to simplicity to leverage more power and impact. Simple does not mean underwhelming. 

"and left me standing in this room."  Leading up to this line are two strong and straightforward statements using personification. However after the lead up we are left with you standing in the room. I think trying to have the end result be worded so as to convey the high stakes of your situation would be beneficial.

"as stale as dust on the wooden floor      The line of the dust is very poetic and has meaning. However I again think the last finishing line of the poem is underwhelming. I think adding a few more descriptive words of the portrait would indicate more to the reader the significance of its existence. 
and our portrait, still on the dresser."

On a complete side not(I'm rather slow) could u explain this line "Every breath is our last together". I'm genuinely curious but don't understand it.

[UlrickMasters]

I liked the poem 
I don't know if im good at judging peoples poetry
but i feel like the ending was kind of weird 
I know poems don't have to make sense but if she already left you why are you two 
still breathing together i got the impression that she left you already and all you have left
is the picture of you and her on the dresser so i was a little confused on that part but maybe i jst 
didnt understand it correctly but other then that it was great 
i love these kind of poems

[rose]

First of all great poem. The lack of flowery descriptions does a nice job conveying the speakers feeling of loneliness and confusion. The poems begins very abstractly and end with more concrete imagery. Maybe try adding some of the concrete imagery to the beginning too. That said, I like how you mention objects without giving them long descriptions.