Hackneyed love song

[Achebe]

Edit 1

I'm in love with you.
It doesn't look like love,
the cliched meet cute drill,
but there's a twinkling in the sky 
when we converse, you and I,
and the wind falls still.
If it isn't love, call it what you will.




Original

I think I'm in love with you
though it doesn't look like love,
the cliched meet cute drill.
But there's a kind of twinkling in the sky 
when we converse, you and I,
and the wind falls suddenly still.
It isn't love, then call it what you will.

[Wjames]

Hackneyed love song 

I think I'm in love with you
though it doesn't look like love,
the cliched meet cute drill.
But there's a kind of twinkling in the sky 
when we converse, you and I, could cut the "you and I" here, I would mainly because there's another "and" at the start of the next line, and it's implied.
and the wind falls suddenly still.
It isn't love, then call it what you will. I think there should be an "if" at the start of this line.

It could be photopsias - you might want to see an optometrist.

[just mercedes]

Hackneyed love song 

I think I'm in love with you.
though It doesn't look like love,
the cliched meet cute drill,
but there's a kind of twinkling in the sky 
when we converse, you and I,
and the wind falls suddenly still.
If it isn't love, then call it what you will.

I like this! The tentative tendrils that reach to follow the sun.

[Achebe]

Thanks, WJ, JM.
Mercedes - your tweaks make a lot of sense and have been adopted