coma
#1
coma

 
life saved: an art,
maintained: a grace?
turned a wraith.
 
hope remains,
the drip sustains.
more time to fade.
 
locked in dreams,
what do they mean?
lost, it seems.
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#2
(06-30-2017, 04:18 AM)vagabond Wrote:  coma

 
life saved: an art,                                         Perhaps make life plural?
maintained: a grace?                                   drop the question mark to add more strength to the the statement 
turned a wraith.                                           alternatively you can change the first line into a question. 
                                                                   
hope remains,
the drip sustains.                                       Are you referring to an IV with this ?
more time to fade.
 
locked in dreams,
what do they mean?                                  
lost, it seems.                

Interesting read, I really love the first two lines as they make for a great statement - is maintaing someone in a coma really the best thing the medical world can do?
Thanks for sharing, Vaga!
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#3
(06-30-2017, 04:39 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  
(06-30-2017, 04:18 AM)vagabond Wrote:  coma

 
life saved: an art,                                         Perhaps make life plural?
maintained: a grace?                                   drop the question mark to add more strength to the the statement 
turned a wraith.                                           alternatively you can change the first line into a question. 
                                                                   
hope remains,
the drip sustains.                                       Are you referring to an IV with this ?    yes
more time to fade.
 
locked in dreams,
what do they mean?                                  
lost, it seems.                

Interesting read, I really love the first two lines as they make for a great statement - is maintaing someone in a coma really the best thing the medical world can do?
Thanks for sharing, Vaga!

thanx for your comment! was thinking about removing all punktuation but the 2nd line needs the question mark i think.
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