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Yellow and green; I was surprised at
how much it looked like a pill,
nestled inside the plastic cradle,
a tiny hors d'oeuvre for the teenage newbie.
How modern I felt to be offered Prozac!
Then this derivative, with a name I can't pronounce.
I'm just a little Englander, attending a feast
beyond my palette's comprehension.
Dropped in a crinkled paper bag,
paid for like a takeout meal,
I downed the first one with a swig of Pepsi,
and now they're on my CD shelf.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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the poem is a gem.
if i had a nit it would be
the pic, it's way too large and detracts from the poem more than it adds.
if they were the same size i think it would be lots better.
thanks for the read jack
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Jack,
Love the poem. No issues with it! One suggestion though if you were going to use the picture with it at all times, a good title that would grab people would be the numbers on the pills: "44-357". I don't know how that would go over but I think it might be cool to do.
I especially liked these lines:
I'm just a little Englander, attending a feast
beyond my palette's comprehension.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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Perfect, not at all overdone, and charming. Great piece
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Yeah I think I'm going to delete the picture. I thought it would be cute to have it, but the size is just ridiculous, and those numbers on each pill mean nothing to me; my own ones are plain.
Thanks for your comment, Billy
I wasn't sure about this poem, so that really makes me feel good.
Thanks for your lovely comment, Addy!
As I said to Billy, the numbers on the pills in that picture mean nothing to me; my own ones are plain. I'm going to delete it once I've finished this comment.
Thanks so much for your kind feedback, Todd
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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the poem itself reminds me of the rolling stones song. Mother's Little helper.
much better without the pic.
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You know what's terrible? I've don't think I've ever listened to a single song by the Rolling Stones. Feel free to instantly void my account
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
