lakefront (edit)

[ellajam]

edit 1, vaga and nibbed

nestlings and mom cry
falcon in hedge
takes off with full talons

nest full of cries
falcon in forsythia
flight with claws full

[vagabond]

nest full of cries
falcon in forsythia
flight with claws full

dutifull, naturally dangerous falcon mommy
sorry if I missed a deeper meaning, for ex. of the forsythia..
 i like the images.

[ellajam]

Thanks for reading and commenting, vagabond, forsythia is just the hedge it's in and I love the sound of the word and its awkward feel on the tongue.

[nibbed]

Hi ellajam

I like your pic and poem. Without the pic it's interesting how forsythia could make and be a forever clever metaphor. I always think of forsythia as yellow, forgetting stages. The poem brought to me a fond memory, a craft I helped a preschool class make with tiny bits of crumpled yellow crepe paper. It was quite a beautifully clever craft. Almost as clever as your poem! Love that shot of the falcon. I wonder how your songbirds fare with that nest around? Sadly, the falcons here are fond of robins and sparrows who often hide in our wheelwells.

[ellajam]

Thanks nibbed, I need to rework the poem, it addresses the prey but obviously not clearly. I'll work on it. Your point about forsythia signaling yellow is true, maybe it doesn't belong here. Thanks again.

[vagabond]

edit 1, vaga and nibbed

nestlings and mom cry
falcon in hedge
takes off with full talons

nest full of cries
falcon in forsythia
flight with claws full

honestly I prefer the previous version! 
the first and last line resemble, cries and flight nearly rhyme and the word´s position is inversed in a similar way as full.. then i like the thought of the nest being falcon mommy´s nest and the prey she caught in the last line is for her kids.  and falcon in forsythia is a nice alliteration, the reader spends a little time to admire it while the falcon waits for her prey.

[ellajam]

Thanks so much, vagabond, not the first time I wrecked something with an edit. I'm glad you explained further, I thought the prey had been missed. I'll think it through again, much appreciated.