beverages (edit)

[vagabond]

thinking tea                                                                (edit prompted by CRNDLSM)


how do you like your possibili-tea?
dash of fresh cynic lemon squeezed
or sweetened with crystallized dreams?
the latter only goes with cream.
tastebuds want variety.

how do you drink your hones-tea?
cold to mask your warm beliefs
or hot and spreading lots of steam
anyway, best never add a thing,
this sort calls for purity.

how do you want your reali-tea?
blends flavoured artificially
or mixing lots of rum to flee?
both aren´t really what they seem,
just dull the sense for subtlety.

how do you enjoy your vitali-tea?
quick steeped and strong, much caffeine
or watered down for longer reach?
there is a good use for each.
what of the stock´s finality?



(I guess it has to be moved out of short poems now ... anywhere you want, mods)




first version:

beverage
 
how do you like your relativi-tea?
dash of fresh cynic lemon squeezed
or sweetened with crystallized dreams?
(the latter only goes with cream)
aah… tastebuds want variety.

[Achebe]

Hi Vag - I was expecting some clever relativistic puns, but found none. So I'm not sure what to make of the poem as it stands. What does relativity have to do with being a cynic or wanting variety?

[vagabond]

Hi Vag - I was expecting some clever relativistic puns, but found none. So I'm not sure what to make of the poem as it stands. What does relativity have to do with being a cynic or wanting variety?

thanks for the comment! maybe I ll find a way to make things clearer.
( i don´t know if attempts at an explanation have a place in the thread, maybe later)

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Perhaps swap relativity with variety (i.e. "... your Varia-tea", "....want relativity")
This way, the two following sentences fit more with first one. (As you actually describe the variety)
Still, i feel that relativi-tea serves no other function than being a pun (Unless you expand on it, of course).

I liked the adjectives you've picked for this poem (Sour lemon =/= Cynicism), they contributed to making this a nice read.

Thanks for sharing!

[vagabond]

Perhaps swap relativity with variety (i.e. "... your Varia-tea", "....want relativity")
This way, the two following sentences fit more with first one. (As you actually describe the variety)
Still, i feel that relativi-tea serves no other function than being a pun (Unless you expand on it, of course).

I liked the adjectives you've picked for this poem (Sour lemon =/= Cynicism), they contributed to making this a nice read.

Thanks for sharing!

thanks for your consideration and the suggestion, thought about it (I wanted to describe versions of relativity.. so in my head swapping these two wouldn´t make sense; also variety doesn´t seem to be something that can be varied)

[CRNDLSM]

I think this could be pretty long and clever if you expand the metaphor, lots of tea types to work with

[nibbed]

beverage
 
how do you like your relativi-tea?
dash of fresh cynic lemon squeezed
or sweetened with crystallized dreams?
(the latter only goes with cream)
aah… tastebuds want variety.


Hi vagabond
It doesn't seem short form to me.
The word RELATIVI-TEA makes me think
of having tea with English relatives, but also
thoughts of Einstein's theory, too...
so it's a jumbled thought.
Is there anyway you could cut it down to 3 or 4
words per line and simplify, stay true to form?


I hope you have a better day than my critique!
Best wishes.
Janine


...OOPs, sorry didn't see the change!