Anniversary

[Richard]

Anniversary

“Where did the time go?”
asks a woman to her husband
of twenty years next month.
“I don't know,” he replies
whimsically, without thinking.

She fakes a smile,
his disappears.

“I don't know,” he repeats,
his tone different.
“I know dear, I know,” she comforts,
pretending to have an answer.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Richard. This paints a nice scene. A few thoughts...

Anniversary

“Where did the time go?”
asks a woman to her husband this feels like a harsh line break. I almost want the next line in brackets because it feels like a thought under her breath. 
of twenty years next month.
“I don't know,” he replies
whimsically, without thinking.

She fakes a smile,
his disappears. This is great but I want it to be 2 plain sentences. I realize that gets tricky.

“I don't know,” he repeats,
his tone different. I wanted adjectives here but then realized "different" was an antonym for both "whimsically and "without thinking" - well done.
“I know dear, I know,” she comforts,
pretending to have an answer. I like the ending but have also considered it with "have an" struck.

Thanks for sharing Richard. Interesting picture.
Paul

[Waneerie]

"Where did the time go?"

At first it struck me as odd, but then I realised it referred to a very specific arc of time, and in its oddity I found it striking. (pun not intended)

The whole poem flows easily, being prose in verses, yet the two enjambements and the overall shortness of the verses give it a rhythm, a light one, paradoxically, considering how hard "whimsically" and "of twenty years" hit; that's the time she was referring to, and to that lonely adverb is entrusted the task of summing up ever so briefly all the asperities of a marriage. Then comes the first of the two brilliant contrasts, a fake smile dying out, as another one stretches: separating this strophe really gave it the solemnity it had to have.
In the end, his not knowing juxtaposed to her pretending to, his tone different (I imagined it as soft and wistful), and she who wanted to be consoled forcibly consoling him with a lie.

The lack of structure and simplicity of this poem really fitted its message, letting its few images speak volumes, or rather, twenty years.
I apologise in case I interpreted it too personally, or misunderstood part of it.
Nothing else to say, other than very nicely done! =)

[Richard]

Hey Tiger the Lion and Waneerie,
Thanks for the feedback and kind words. I was a bit unsure about this piece because it's actually an edit of a poem I wrote years ago. I was also concerned that it was too prosy, so I'm glad to see neither of you thought that was an issue.

Thanks again,
Richard

[CRNDLSM]

Anniversary

“Where did the time go?”
asks a woman to her husband
of twenty years next month. I like what your doing with time here.  Is the husband 20, have they been married 20
“I don't know,” he replies
whimsically, without thinking. And how you use tone to change the meaning of a phrase that seeks meaning.

She fakes a smile,
his disappears. The contrast and intersection here tie the people together

“I don't know,” he repeats,
his tone different.
“I know dear, I know,” she comforts, in this ambiguous understanding
pretending to have an answer.that you seem to understand very well

I still don't really know what prose is