Lost in Wanderlust

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers,
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce.
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her.

Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.

There in Rome, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago.

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur.

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace.
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine,
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin.

[dukealien]

Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers,
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce.  if "where" in l.4 is not capitalized, neither should "where" here be.
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her.

Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.

There in Florence, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago.

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?  is "that" needed here?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.  nice double meaning - am I a writer, or a city-state?
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur.

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace.
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine,
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin.

In mild to moderate critique, a few techical thoughts, first.  Capitalization and punctuation could stand a bit of work, as noted above; due to the conversational or rap form (with end rhymes), these are not a serious detriment to the reader's enjoyment.

Two suggestions:  first,  maintain the conversational form and irregular meter but look at all common words with an eye to replacing them with others having greater impact or novelty.  For example, "to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago" could become "to concrete peaks of New York and Chicago" (pardon the rewrite) - eliminating "the," referring back to the Andes, and smoothing out the rhythm.

Second, the poem would gain (IMHO) from adjusting lines so the end-rhymes are always accented the same... for example, in Aral Sea/fromer glory the last words seem almost not to rhyme because "former glory" is so emphatically /./. - two trochees.  Perhaps the second line could end in a word like "ecstasy?"

And a nitpick:  the Sistine is in Rome (strictly, Vatican City), not Florence.  Or is this meant to hint at growing confusion?

The project here is well set out, but could be made smoother without losing the originality.

[Flowerchild1093]

This is beautiful! When I read it, it really pulls me in and I feel like I'm travelling along with him/her. (In my mind the speaker is a woman.) I'll leave a few comments and suggestions below. Otherwise, I think it's perfect. Thanks for sharing!

Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers, I love "kisses the coast", it really conveys the lapping of waves on the shore.
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce.
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her.

Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.

There in Florence, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago. Spires here fits well for me.

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur.

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace. Maybe "reminiscent of" instead of "reminiscing me"?
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine, Love your use of Peregrine.
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin. Lovely rhyme here. 

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

In mild to moderate critique, a few techical thoughts, first.  Capitalization and punctuation could stand a bit of work, as noted above; due to the conversational or rap form (with end rhymes), these are not a serious detriment to the reader's enjoyment. I've made a couple adjustments, thank you!

Two suggestions:  first,  maintain the conversational form and irregular meter but look at all common words with an eye to replacing them with others having greater impact or novelty.  For example, "to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago" could become "to concrete peaks of New York and Chicago" (pardon the rewrite) - eliminating "the," referring back to the Andes, and smoothing out the rhythm. Good suggestion, i'll consider whether i'll pick it up though

Second, the poem would gain (IMHO) from adjusting lines so the end-rhymes are always accented the same... for example, in Aral Sea/fromer glory the last words seem almost not to rhyme because "former glory" is so emphatically /./. - two trochees.  Perhaps the second line could end in a word like "ecstasy?" I'll have to look for a fitting word. The reason why i chose former glory, is because the Aral sea dried out due to a failed Soviet irrigation project. It connects to both the dried up sea and the SU.

And a nitpick:  the Sistine is in Rome (strictly, Vatican City), not Florence.  Or is this meant to hint at growing confusion? Whoops! I have to admit that I've confused myself with the Duomo from Florence...  I'll change that!

Thank you, Flowerchild and Dukealien, for the constructive feedback and positive words!

[nibbed]

Hi Four-eyed cat
Why do you only have one star?
Seems you should be loaded down with stars!


Remind me of the SEA that kisses the coast of Algiers,                                          
Where the tides are SOFT and the winds all but fierce.                                        -I like this L very much.
In that country PAST the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip TO CASABLANCA didn’t halt her.                                                  -I had to train cadence by reading the verses over and over,
                                                                                                                          the meter didn't come naturally to me.
Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,                                   - lengthy L
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,                                     
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.                                      -missing
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.

There in Rome, where we visited the Sistine,                                                        -this stanza seemed to have the better timing
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago.

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur.                                            -this stanza made me smile

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace.
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine,
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin.                                                     -and this




thank you for the read.
I like how the poem starts asking for a reminder
then ends with a fond memory.
janine

[Keith]

Hi 4 eyed cat
I enjoyed this and the journey it takes us on, I also like the close that waits for a would be lover. In general I think the rhyming couplets constrain the poem, it feels that the need to bring in the end rhyme stifles the images you create, you could try this in free verse see what happens I like the face of the world idea it remind me of school days and big boot Italy kicking poor Sicily. Some point below. Best Keith

Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers,
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce. (no cap on Where)
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar, (straits?)
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her. (Consider not using where again)

Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow. (rhyme sounds forced)

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat. (lovely images)

There in Rome, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago.

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong? (nice link to follow the rhyme)
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur. (again sound forced)

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix, (nice switch the reader has more info)
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace.
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine,
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin. (Really like this ending)

[CRNDLSM]

Remind me of the sea that kisses the coast of Algiers,
Where the tides are soft and the winds all but fierce.
In that country past the strait of Gibraltar,
where the trip to Casablanca didn’t halt her. I like the rhymes here, intriguing ambiguous opening

Taking that plane past the eye of the Mediterranean Sea,
to the cheek of the Atlas Mountains in Jbel Ayachi.
Tell me again, what you called the world’s left brow,
I believe it was either Kiev, or the city of Moscow.again, really digging these rhymes and worldly tone, even though I can't quite picture any of these places, I like the map

You journeyed on to the scarred eye of the Aral Sea,
where only sand was left to remind you of former glory.
Greeted eastward by the buildings of Ashgabat,
which had a shade of white quite akin to that Masqat.same as above, but I'm not bored because I love travel

There in Rome, where we visited the Sistine,
telling me you would soon be leaving for Argentine.
Abruptly you went from the Chilean hills of Santiago,
to the concrete spires of New York and Chicago. Change in tone I've no idea the relevance of all these places to you

Was it there that you heard an oriental song?
A melody you chased all the way to Hong Kong?
Though I might’ve confused myself with Singapore.
I’m quite certain it was either that, or Kuala Lumpur. Closer, this reminds me of the first animaniacs cartoon and the song of all the countries.

Fondly I think of our first kiss in the vineyards of Roubaix,
reminiscing me how strongly I miss your warm embrace.
Making me hope that you’ll snap free of your peregrine, not the falcon,  but the adjective?
for I will patiently wait for you at gates of Berlin. Why wait in Berlin except for rhymes? 

Good rhymes and rhythms , I get wanderlust, but I'm not great with direction, little lost on my way

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Hey, thank you CRN! I chose Berlin, just for the Brandenburg gate, a famous monument.
Regarding peregrine, yep, the adjective!