IMG 34674342735

[Tiger the Lion]

IMG 34674342735
 
God, you're beautiful
in this one.
 
You'd just stepped out
of the water and were reaching
for a towel.
 
There are still bits of ocean
shimmering on your shoulders
and sand in your smile.
 
I need to save this.

[billy]

a short poem with a clever title and a loving image. wouldn't change a thing.

[just mercedes]

All thumbs up here! Lovely imagery, passion-driven.

[vagabond]

IMG 34674342735
 
God, you're beautiful
in this one.
 
You'd just stepped out
of the water and were reaching
for a towel.
 
There are still bits of ocean
shimmering on your shoulders
and sand in your smile.
 
I need to save this.

the only thing i thing puzzled about is "in this one"
- if " this one" refers to a foto then the image is  saved already and the last line redundant. (except if you wrote "i needed to save this")
- if "this one" refers to a bikini the woman is wearing or something like that then it makes perfect sense.
ah..that´s just me, complicating things.

i like it, an image of an image, from the viewer´s eye.

p.s. i tried to click the image..

[tectak]

IMG 34674342735
 
God, you're beautiful
in this one.
 
You'd just stepped out
of the water and were reaching
for a towel.
 
There are still bits of ocean
shimmering on your shoulders
and sand in your smile.
 
I need to save this.

Perfect in EVERY way. Just a keeper, for sure. Save this one.
 Best,
 tectak

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks everyone. This is the sort of thing I most enjoy writing. One image, one moment. Anytime I can make corny pass for clever I'm happy. Save as...

[RiverNotch]

IMG 34674342735
 
God, you're beautiful
in this one.
 
You'd just stepped out
of the water and were reaching
for a towel.
 
There are still bits of ocean
shimmering on your shoulders
and sand in your smile.
 
I need to save this.

the moment is stuck by "in this one" -- as in, it becomes the focus, the implication being that there are moments when the subject isn't beautiful. interesting too that the tense changes in the third stanza: the relationship to the sea, perhaps, is what makes the subject beautiful, and the change in tense, as well as the quantifier "still", sort of says that the subject, at the moment he or she is being addressed, is no longer that same sort of beauty. it could be that the last line not only refers to the poem, but to the speaker's desire, not just to return to what was, but to salvage a relationship that's already going under...with the cherry on top for me being that the "God" starting the whole poem isn't just an exclamation, but is the actual addressed, although with the imagery of the sea and the emphasis on beauty I'm more wont to think the god here is Venus, rising from the water. interesting stuff.