Thought

[xXxForbiddenLovexXx]

Have you ever wondered,
About what goes through my mind?

The thoughts of a 13 year old,
Suspicion crosses every time.

The words you'd never think of,
They sometimes run across.

I think they would surprise you,
The things that I would know.

My mind is poisoned with thoughts,
The ones you would you should live.

I know too much, the stressful things,
I think of the worst everyday.

I shouldn't know most of this,
These frightful fears shouldn't be thought.

Oh trust me, my friends.
I know a too much.

I have a mind of a woman,
Inside a young girls body.

(Yes, I'm 13. I know a lot about the world, and how terrible it can be.)

[billy]

Have you ever wondered,
About what goes through my mind?

The thoughts of a 13 year old,
Suspicion crosses every time.

The words you'd never think of,
They sometimes run across.

I think they would surprise you,
The things that I would know.

My mind is poisoned with thoughts,
The ones you would you should live. [needs rearranging]

I know too much, the stressful things,
I think of the worst everyday.

I shouldn't know most of this,
These frightful fears shouldn't be thought.

Oh trust me, my friends.
I know a too much.

I have a mind of a woman,
Inside a young girls body.

(Yes, I'm 13. I know a lot about the world, and how terrible it can be.)

for me it needs some imagery FL, and
a little less cliché. the last line has some irony but it needs the rest to be stronger in order for it to work.

thanks for the read.

[Gilberte]

So what does go through your 13 year old mind…I am still waiting to hear? I appreciate you mentioning that you are 13 but maybe you can use a poem to enlighten those who want to know what exactly is happening in your life. What poisons your thoughts? What frightful fears do you have? I want you to surprise me with the things you say because in these lines you threaten to say something, but never actually do. Has someone broken your heart, lied to you, are you frustrated and by what? Answer some of those questions and you might actually have the beginnings of a poem.

[JustifiedCandy]

Well, there are a few minor grammatical errors.

I pretty much agree with the latter posters.

It seems you want an air of mystery in this poem. So, maybe play on that. Hint at what you're thinking and leave the reader guessing. This poem is quite straightforward. If you think about such mature things, show that in the poem rather than just stating you do.

[ChristopherSea]

Welcome FobiddenL,
Confessional poetry is an appropriate genera for teen poets. Alright, you have thoughts. What you need to do is share those thoughts in the poem. We do wonder what goes through your mind, what are those suspicions, those words we never think of? Demonstrate that there is a woman in the girls body, don't merely state it. I look forward to your elaboration. All the best in your poetry endeavors/Chris

[jeremyyoung]

I was 13 once, not sure if I can remember what was going in my mind - probably quite a bit about the best cure for acne.

This poem feels very much like a prologue, and has a nice air of tension that makes me want to hear the story to come.