Changing Colours.
#1



A soft breeze lifts the flag

held aloft
under a warm sun
it salutes the day

unfolding its colour’s
pliable, open to change

unlike those
it honours
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#2
(11-25-2010, 11:17 AM)billy Wrote:  A soft breeze lifts the flag

held aloft
under a warm sun
it salutes the day

unfolding its colour’s
pliable, open to change

unlike those
it honours

How very true ... nicely done billy.
You give to the world when you're giving your best to somebody else.
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#3
thanks for the kind words Kath Smile
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#4
The first half of the poem is perfect. The simple but effective imagism reminded me of William Carlos Williams. The second half, beginning with "unfolding its colours" (no apostrophe needed), was good as well, though a wee bit problematic. I think if I'd have written this, I would have put that aforesaid line at the end of the second stanza, then changed the ending thus:

"pliable

unlike those
it honours."

The comma after "pliable" isn't really needed, and neither is "open to change," and that penultimate couplet seems a tad rough around the edges. This is all just my opinion, of course. As I said, the first half is perfect, and on the whole this is a sweet, pointed, somewhat charming poem.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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#5
thanks for the feedback jack.
i'll think about what you say when i do an edit Wink

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