Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
![[Image: her%20dreaming%20of%20the%20dance.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/im17/her%20dreaming%20of%20the%20dance.jpg)
< her dreaming of the dance >
to dance
to dance the flurry of the stage again
to dance away the night
the darkness of the night
and of the future
that has come
her eyes
they're off again
the old girl sits
her bottle never far away
below her hand
beside the chair
it sits
it helps
with dreams
with dreaming of the dance
her journey to the crown
the crown
the flurry of the stage again
to dance away
the one who took the dance away
the one
who's never far away
her eyes
they're off again
the man
the hard way to the crown
her dream
her dreaming of the dance
her bottle
never far away
- - -
While criticism is not required, it is sincerely to be hoped for. (Off or On-topic remarks and clever abuse are appreciated as well.)
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 298
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2014
rayheinrich wrote:
_______________________
< her dreaming of the dance >
to dance joy
to dance the flurry of the stage again beauty
to dance away the night a dream
the darkness of the night slight frown
and of the future
that has come stumble
her eyes
they're off again crash
the old girl sits
her bottle never far away a clutch
below her hand
beside the chair
it sits
it helps
with dreams
with dreaming of the dance escape
her journey to the crown better than reality
the crown
the flurry of the stage again
to dance away
the one who took the dance away so.. this reality
the one
who's never far away
her eyes
they're off again
the man
the hard way to the crown distraction-now
her dream
her dreaming of the dance
her bottle
never far away just like…
___________________________________
you take the reader along, right down to the bitter conclusion and confusion.
I can add nothing to make this any better,
just allow myself to mumble along the lines
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
Lovely bump, thanks. A beauty, ray, and an incredible image. Thanks for posting it.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
(05-10-2017, 02:33 PM)vagabond Wrote: rayheinrich wrote:
___________________________________
you take the reader along, right down to the bitter conclusion and confusion.
I can add nothing to make this any better,
just allow myself to mumble along the lines
Your mumbling is interesting. It works as a second "echoed" poem that sits outside the frame of the first one.
The author's poem and the first reader's poem forming the second reader's poem.
Cool... I'm going to steal your idea.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 298
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2014
i never thought about what those fragments are, you did.
therefore it is your idea and you can´t steal from yourself. i am against patents anyway.
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
(05-11-2017, 05:35 AM)vagabond Wrote: i never thought about what those fragments are, you did.
therefore it is your idea and you can´t steal from yourself. i am against patents anyway.
Can't? I do it sometimes: I'll be reading an old poem of mine and
steal some lines for a new one. Or sometimes I sneak into the kitchen and eat
some ingredient I bought specifically for a meal I was going make later...
the last time it was almonds. Patents? Yeah, I feel the same way.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 345
Threads: 34
Joined: Feb 2017
beautiful poem.
there's always a better reason to love
