After the Interview

[amaril]

After the Interview


Snow is pure and indomitable.
For an hour it melts
the instant it touches the grass.
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,
stick first to the needles of pines.
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep.
But the pure snow falls and falls.
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass.
The road's noise of oceans
and the birds' chorus of bells
diminish, both, to the muffled
sound of nothing.
I pour some cold
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world.

[Todd]

Hi amaril, let me give you some comments on your poem.

After the Interview--I wonder about the title. This feels slice of life, a description of mood, or observation. During the Interview would probably relegate it more toward metaphor as it would juxtapose the snow against a fixed other setting.


Snow is pure and indomitable.--I think this compound modifier weakens your opening. Snow is pure, pure as the driven snow we've heard before. Snow is indomitable though gives an inevitability to its effect.
For an hour it melts
the instant it touches the grass.--This feels slightly confused to me "for an hour it melts or is it it melts the instance it touches the grass. I can grasp what you're saying but I had to stop and parse though it.
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,--multitudinous though not inaccurate feels a bit out of place with the other language choices.
stick first to the needles of pines.--needles of pines is pretty phrasing
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep.
But the pure snow falls and falls.--Pure again, better to cut. I like the repetition of falls
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass.--This is lovely.
The road's noise of oceans--I don't often associate oceans with roads. It doesn't necessarily lead me there but okay.
and the birds' chorus of bells--Like this.
diminish, both, to the muffled--like the break
sound of nothing.--This also is a standout line.
I pour some cold--again good break given the content.
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world.--The ending feels satisfying.

Enjoyed the read. I hope the feedback will be helpful to you.

Best,

Todd

[aschueler]

I tried not to read Todd's comments so  hope it's not repetitive:

After the Interview


Snow is pure and indomitable.     Hmmm....indomitable snowman? Kidding, but that's a lot to ask of snow.
For an hour it melts
the instant it touches the grass.     This is an awkward contradiction to have instantaneous melting that takes an hour, and distracts a lot
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,
stick first to the needles of pines.
Brown rocks, warm after                  Too many "warms" here
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep.              Winter is always sleep isn't it?
But the pure snow falls and falls.
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass.                         I liked this line
The road's noise of oceans
and the birds' chorus of bells
diminish, both, to the muffled
sound of nothing.                        I get what you are trying to do here and it comes very close
I pour some cold                              
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world.        The ending seems to be missing something but I can;t put my finger on it

Since this is titled "After the Interview", I presume something stressful or eventful has led to this spell.  It almost gets me there but not quite...but I like how close it comes.

[CRNDLSM]

After the Interview


Snow is pure and indomitable.
For an hour it melts
the instant it touches the grass.like unwinding from the interview
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,
stick first to the needles of pines. Pines vs needles of...
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep. I don't like winters sleep, a rock can resist the URGE to be buried like hibernation under snow
But the pure snow falls and falls.
The ground turns the color this is too ambiguous for me, glass can be many colors dusty or not
of a dusty glass.
The road's noise of oceans oceans of snow water? Loud by traffic
and the birds' chorus of bells
diminish, both, to the muffled
sound of nothing.I like this though and what you did with 'diminish, both'
I pour some cold
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world. The interview could have been of anything, but this ending gives me a tone that the narrator was dispirited about the interview, because they focus on anything around them besides the interview, like blocking it out not to focus on how it went, with an air of dread for having to wait for the results of the interview, vanishing

[Richard]

Hey amaril,
I purposely read everyone's feedback so I can try not to be too repetitive. I thoroughly enjoyed  the overall feeling behind this poem, and I also liked some of the images that you used. However, I think you might need to tweak some of this poem to make it more effective. I'll outline that more below.

After the Interview


Snow is pure and indomitable. -I feel like this line isn't needed. I know that snow often represents purity, so it seems redundant to me to say so.
For an hour it melts -I would change this to say something like, "Snow melts for an hour." I just think that image might catch the reader's eye more.
the instant it touches the grass.
The fair flakes, individual
motes of a multitudinous wave,
stick first to the needles of pines.
Brown rocks, warm after
a warm week, resist the urge
to return to winter's sleep. -I really enjoy the image of the rocks because I have a giant rock outside my house that does the same thing.
But the pure snow falls and falls. -Omit the "pure" or use a more interesting adjective
The ground turns the color
of a dusty glass. -These two lines are my favorite part of your poem. Please promise me that you won't ever change them.
The road's noise of oceans -I had to stop and think about this, but I think it works. I would love to see this line explored more in its own poem.
and the birds' chorus of bells
diminish, both, to the muffled
sound of nothing.
I pour some cold
water from the tap
then sit awhile by the window,
watching the vanishing world. -I like the last line about the vanishing world, but the rest of the ending just doesn't work for me. Why do you think the reader needs to know about the speaker pouring water?

Overall, I enjoyed your poem, and I would love to see where you take it from here.

Cheers,
Richard