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the owner’s manual says
change the oil every five thousand miles
high octane, unleaded fuel only
tire reads thirty-two pounds of pressure
check the treads every time you drive
doesn’t care anything about
leaky trunks
rainwater
my neglect
rusting
jack and iron
tire blew out on the interstate
tow trucks don’t come at three AM
the owner’s manual says a great many things
about preventive care and routine maintenance
but it will not say
how to love your car
Quote:EDIT: Changed line 4 from "keep tire pressure around thirty-two", removed description of the poem, changed title from "Owner's Manual"
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03-14-2017, 05:33 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-14-2017, 05:33 AM by Todd.)
Hi AttnAttack, welcome to the site!
First off when you give comments as to why you wrote the poem you build a subtext into the reading that the poem hasn't earned. You make it difficult to tell if the poem is actually working.
That said, I do have one big suggestion that I think would really help your poem. Your title is not doing enough work for you. You have Owner's manual throughout the poem, so it hardly helps you as a title. Since I know your subtext, what if you simply retitled the poem: Divorce
Now the poem would hold a layered meaning you'd be talking about a car and more than a car.
A few more comments below:
(03-14-2017, 04:15 AM)AttnAttack Wrote: I wrote this based on a real event that happened (my car still has a gallon of water in the trunk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) as well as about my divorce
the Owner’s manual says
change the oil every five thousand miles
high octane, unleaded fuel only
keep tire pressure around thirty-two--when you're breaking lines in a free verse poem think about what end words might emphasize your theme. I would try to rework the line so that it ended on "pressure" for example
check the treads every time you drive
doesn’t care anything about
leaky trunks
rainwater
my neglect
rusting
jack and iron
tire blew out on the interstate
tow trucks don’t come at three AM
the Owner’s manual says a great many things
about preventive care and routine maintenance
but it will not say
how to love your car--this is a nice ending especially with a title change
Just some thoughts for you.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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the owner’s manual says
change the oil every five thousand miles
high octane, unleaded fuel only
tire reads thirty-two pounds of pressure ----this may need rewording is this telling the actual read?
check the treads every time you drive ----this line surprised me
doesn’t care anything about -----I like how you personified the manual
leaky trunks
rainwater
my neglect
rusting
jack and iron ----gives clear indication the need of a tow truck
each word should also be plural, though, as trunk(s)
tire blew out on the interstate
tow trucks don’t come at three AM
the owner’s manual says a great many things
about preventive care and routine maintenance
but it will not say
how to love your car -----cute & clever
Hi AttnAttack,
I don't know if it was intentional, but I had a feeling the narrator was inebriated. I like the indications of lost love, especially using high octane, as my mind raced to a flashy sports car, or something once special, now old and in need of repair, but maintaining it is wearing the narrator down, though the cadence of intoxication indicates perhaps it wasn't maintained properly or neglected? Did the narrator grab the wrong manual, surely the iron and jack should have been there...made for an interesting read. I understood where you were going with the title, too, but maybe change it to help the poem's struggle to achieve the recognition it deserves? Thank you for the read. It actually blessed me and reminded me of something I must do regarding safety. I hope you are well. Best wishes to you!
there's always a better reason to love
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I really like "Maintaining" as the title of this piece. I like that it suggests proactivity and ongoing effort, but then exposes via the poem that following 'best practices' prescriptions for showing care isn't enough. I feel like it sets up well the poem's focus on the importance of intangible/more intuitive elements of caring for something (a car or a relationship) in truly maintaining it.
I also like the lack of punctuation and capitalization. I feel like it conveys the narrator's state of being untethered, wanting to be grounded by a connection between their intuition and the *official instructions* but remaining somewhat unbounded and all over the place, searching
I agree with a previous post that "tire reads thirty two pounds of pressure" could be re-worded to specify if this is an instruction rather than the current state of the car.
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Well I'm curious, how do you suggest we love our cars? The end seems a little blunt, and it makes such a valid point that I feel like you shouldn't leave us wanting more. Give us the details!
I also feel like a simple colon at the end of line one can enhance the context greatly. It could be a window into the body of your work, allowing us to jump in.
"doesn't care anything about" is strangely worded. I see you may be using simplistic or casual language, which is great considering the casual feeling one should have in one's own car. However, sometimes you may not realize your are confusing the passenger (reader).
I think on the subject of neglect, love is often shrouded with neglect from time to time. It's a good leeway into more personal subject matter. Why did you neglect this car you love? How does your car feel? How do you feel? Are you sitting inside your car, or have you stepped out into the night to take a moment away from it? I feel like you're leaving me wanting so much more here. Spotlights your ability to pull me in- now take me on a ride!
