Walkabout - Edit

[Wjames]

Edit 1:

In the pet store, her eyes
matched the puppy’s.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette.

My boots were damp from the previous night’s rain
and a fog hugged the worms on the sidewalk.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

First Draft:
In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat.

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

[rollingbrianjones]

This poem is pretty minimal, thus I struggle a bit providing serious word for word/line for line criticism. 
Struggling further as I really love the images you so easily portray, and wouldn't want to suggest changing their portrayal!
Yet overall felt I wanted more of a summarised feeling or forced effect after reading the poem in its entirety.
Great images, largely well written, hints at further meaning- but I wanted a bit more! Don't want to sound critical though, I still enjoyed it for the images alone.  

Some thoughts below, some boringly echoing the sentiment above and some attempting to provoke thought for change/revision.

In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat. 
Can this opening^^^ be stronger? 
"In the pet store *comma*"... can that be revised? 
Maybe a verb for the action of her eyes, rather than a meek "In the". 

Not examples I would use, as it's your piece and I suggest only to spark thought and as I make the point with more clarity than I could explain-: "Scanning the pet store"/"Skimming the pet store" - then perhaps, as you use enjambment throughout a v.short piece, no comma in the first line but one used later? As in: "[verb] the pet store // her eyes were like a puppies, // expecting a treat".  


It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.

This stanza^^^ I definitely found to be the weakest- in terms of imagery, wording and what it gives the reader in terms of contribution towards the overall/complete read.
Yeah, rain, wet, etc is a romantic/tragically romantic, cliche so it adds to the piece in that respect- very obviously. 
In this respect, obvious is certainly effective! But perhaps a challenge is to retain the obvious message and strength of the notion, but write it a little better/less commonly? Your other images in the poem are so strongly communicated I don't feel you need to jump to rainy imagery, but as you do [use this image], you may as well have a go at doing it beautifully (in terms of language used).

Again I suggest to spark revision not because I think the suggestion is any better- but I think you could do more with the "It was", the "and the" and the "from"? Maybe that might add more poignancy for the reader. 
[b]Without full knowledge of context thus I'm merely suggesting: "Our last November, // treading ground soaked // after last night's rain"[/b]
I'm all for poetry as an outlet, as a method of expression others can relate to. But if you want others to read and appreciate beyond an "I can relate to this", I think you should aim for the strongest choices of word through open minded revision. 
I assume you are at least in part considering this as you have posted in 'serious critique'.
Without full knowledge of context, hence why this could be a misguided suggestion: "Our last November, // Beneath our feet wet// scarred by last night's rain"
Sorry a weak and quickly thrown down suggestion but I hope it at least makes my point!  


Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

Love the image and simplicity ^ Do you need "and"? Do you think a full stop after "Williams" then a new sentence starting with "She..." is worth considering? 

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

Again I love the image. Would like more info as a reader imagining the simple but suggestive action of the piece.
Less "when we got to", consider deeper more artistic phrasing/words.

Had a go at a lengthy-ish critique as you chose this section to post in. But in all honesty, I enjoyed it and the poem does the job as is- maybe the ambiguity even helps. But hope that gives you some considerations for any revision.

RBJ

[Magpie]

Wjames, you've got some good images here although I'm left wanting some more substance and meaning to wrap the whole thing up. I agree with RBJ that it's hard to critique this in the manner that the serious forum requires, I've tried my best to leave some thoughts below.

In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat. — A intriguing opening stanza, I like how we start in a pet store. Girls with puppy dog eyes are a cliche but that cliche is partially avoided by the pet store reference. I think the cliche could be totally avoided if you were to use a metaphor instead of a simile. There would be an ambiguity that could keep the reader guessing at first, it would require a slight rewrite of the stanza — just a thought

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain. — This is the weakest stanza and seems out of place with the other stanzas. "the ground was wet with rain" is on the verge of being redundant and I'm not so sure that the rain was from the night before changes this. Also I feel that there is a problem with tense here. The rest of the poem is looking back but to say "last nights rain" is in the present. "The ground was wet from the previous night's rain" is what I feel you are trying to say here.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change. — I like this stanza the best, the image is good. I don't feel as though the fourth line is necessary, I'm trying to see a way that you are playing with the double meaning of 'change' but I'm not getting it. Also is 'and' needed in line three, it feels awkward; if you were to remove it then shuffling the lines may help it to read better...

perhaps something like

Outside a coffee house
she gave a cigarette
to a busker... etc

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves. — A nice thought and a good stanza on it's own, however in the context of the poem I'm left wondering whether I care or not about her thought. That's not to say that I don't think it can work as a last stanza, I just feel as though there needs to be something else in the poem that helps me to connect with this line. I think it's possible. Also as a minor point, do you need 'their' in the last line.

I really like some of the images and I think that they could work but there needs to be something else in between that helps the reader connect with the characters and images. At the moment it feels slightly cryptic and somewhat inconsequential. I'm looking forward to see what you may do with this poem.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

[CRNDLSM]

In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppiesI like this opening twist, puppies are a treat so the look goes both ways, attention  is like a treat to puppies.
before it’s given a treat.

It was November, I understand this as setting, and appreciate that it's not the intro.  It seems out of place as the only part not you're not observing her, but almost seems necessary to explain the last stanza
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.night's

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.she seems happy on a 'date' doing things that are pleasurable to her, giving change to a buskers is a small gesture of the generosity and love she feels first shown to us by the puppies 

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves. So leafless trees remind me of age, losing hair, growing.  This is like she's saying she appreciates the company she's with, appreciates the little things, even things that seem broken or dismayed.  And amongst all the setting, place to place, this is what the narrators observing, 

[mrweiner]

In the pet store, her eyes  The comma here breaks my engagement off the top. Maybe something like "Her pet store eyes."
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat.

Unless I'm somehow misreading, I really feel like the plural "puppies" should be the possessive "puppy's." To expand on @Ambrosial Revelations comment on the cliche of puppy dog eyes, this could also be sidestepped by keeping "puppies" and changing the rest of the context, as in something like:

In the pet store, her eyes 
were like puppies
before they're given treats.

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.

This feels like the weakest stanza in context, although it's fine on its own. This is the only stanza that does not concern itself with "her". Why is that? Could be stronger if something happened here instead if it just acting as a description of the area.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

Great imagery, her. The fourth line stanza here breaks the feel of the poem for me a bit. Maybe drop the last line, and use something like "and she tipped him a cigarette"

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

This is a really nice insight into "her" mind and I like it because the anecdote is relatable for me, but again to reference @ambrosial's thoughts: I'm not sure if I feel enough connection to her to know why this is notable. Maybe another stanza that gives some insight into her having worthwhile observation, or why what she says is meaningful to you.

[RiverNotch]

In the pet store, her eyes 
were like a puppies puppy’s
before it’s given a treat.

It was November, comma may be unnecessary
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain. night’s

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams, comma maybe unnecessary, or perhaps should be after “Outside” instead
and she gave him a cigarette or perhaps you could make the form a bit stricter, such that you replace the comma with, say, an em dash, then remove the next line
in lieu of change.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.


The whole thing’s a scene. I feel it, so I guess it works.

[QDeathstar]

In the pet store, her eyes nice line break
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat.

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.i think you have an issue with tense. "from rain the night before" but, honestly it needs to be a bit more interesting. I also think of the guns and roses "cold november rain" which seems like a strange allusion in this peice.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves. Sexy, the last stanza is by far the best and is what made me want to respond. Trees look better undressed.

[Wjames]

I've made an edit here, all your crits were very helpful.

I wanted the November stanza to provide atmosphere, but I think it did that in a very single-minded way. I've changed it to add some real content that (hopefully) also provides the same atmosphere. I also changed the first stanza to a metaphor instead of a simile.

I'm also not sure of the order of the 2nd and 3rd stanzas - I might want the worm stanza ahead of the busker one to provide that atmosphere earlier (and sort of layer it in in the 2nd and final stanzas), but I don't want the worm thing to make it seem like I'm calling the busker or people worms or something. Some comments on that would be helpful.

[RiverNotch]

Edit 1:

a little more compression, perhaps

In the pet store, her eyes
matched the puppy’s. the change here gives it an extra punch. nice.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams, instead of comma, maybe period + and's removal.
and she gave him a cigarette. 

My boots were damp from the previous night’s rain would prefer "the last night's rain"
and a fog hugged the worms on the sidewalk. perhaps remove "a". the two images don't really mesh, so this might be better separated, even distanced -- it's a bit of a strong movement, from boots on the earth to a fog that, sure, hugged the earth, but can only be doing so obscuring sky as well.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

i do prefer the November stanza over the new "fog" one. sure, was emptier, but i think to make it that much more detailed distracts, and the atmosphere it provided is necessary -- November implied for me much more than some old song. in fact, considering current events, much more, too, than the end of autumn, or the season of Saints and thanksgiving....a different kind of end, a betrayal of the Saints and thanksgiving. ah, but whatever.

First Draft:
In the pet store, her eyes
were like a puppies
before it’s given a treat.

It was November,
and the ground was wet
from last nights rain.

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette
in lieu of change.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

[mrweiner]

Edit 1:

In the pet store, her eyes 
matched the puppy’s. Nice reworking of this stanza.

Outside a coffee house Could possibly change "a" to "the" to mirror the other stanzas. Might also make it feel like a more specific memory.
a busker played Hank Williams, Also thinking that dropping the comma and "and" could help tighten this up, but I think it works great as it is, as well.
and she gave him a cigarette.

My boots were damp from the previous night’s rain
and a fog hugged the worms on the sidewalk.

You might be able to combine your initial stanza November and this new one, although you'd ditch the worms. Something like:

November fog hugged my boots,
still damp from last night's rain.

In this case, you could also shift it to the second stanza to set the scene without turning your busker into a worman. That being said, it's kind of nice to have the line "outside a coffee house" prior to setting the outside scene, as it probably makes more sense for it to be foggy outside than foggy in the pet store. 

You could also even change "my boots" to "our boots", or include her in another way, since I'm noticing that this is the only stanza where she doesn't appear. 

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

[Donald Q.]

Edit 1:

In the pet store, her eyes
matched the puppy’s. I get the image, but I think you still haven't quite found the right phrasing. Not sure 'matched' is quite right

Outside a coffee house
a busker played Hank Williams,
and she gave him a cigarette.

My boots were damp from the previous night’s rain
and a fog hugged the worms on the sidewalk.

When we got to the park,
she said some trees look better
without their leaves.

It is interesting how removed the first person 'narrator' is from your poem. I guess the narrator is observing, but the fact that all the actions are those of the female companion makes me wonder if there is more to be said here. As it is the first person has almost no presence in the poem, unless you are trying to make the relationship between the two feel in some way troubled I would maybe slip in something for the main character to do? At the moment I am concerned about their relationship, though perhaps I am just being paranoid about the picture you are painting. I hope this makes some sort of sense. Oh also your poem is interesting, and I am unsure that the current title does it justice.