The 120 Days

[RiverNotch]

The 120 Days


1
Getting hard to parse through people nowadays –
quite a surprise, to see
how alike all girls’ asses are.

Not teeth, either – seems
they get them braces before boyfriends, as if,
to their stock, the subtleties count.

Hair and eyes, perhaps? How hard their hair sticks,
how wet their eyes get – for I’ve learned
it’s not the air that really gets me,
it’s the moans, the groans – then the crescendo
of screams, sobs –

2
Know what? This time we’ll make the rules simple.
Regardless of how swayed you seem,
you will die – for in these modern days,
who isn’t a convert already?

Oh come on – don’t cry, not yet, not yet. Our sex
still lies hidden, unready beneath the sheets.
Besides, if you were really worth saving,
you’d enjoy all this – twice we libertines
have lived and died, each time
the fires of hell
succumbing to the succulent
smell of the roast.

3
You know, one of the whores – excuse me,
Sunday school teachers – tells us
God also loved the smell, when he was nothing
but a child – turned it into his consolation,
after drowning us in one of his tantrums.
I suppose that’s what we’re trying to capture here,
the arc of the rainbow
formed by pools of drying spunk –

one more subtlety to count. Tell us,
Renata, what exactly did you do
when we married you to Sergio?

Shut up. I didn’t really ask you anything.
That was obvious. One more demerit.
Inanna would not enjoy this.

4
Stop shivering. It’s not as if
one hundred and twenty days
were not time enough to prepare.
And those nails we stuffed into your dog bowl
really turned your teeth to shit.

Stop looking at that brand. Sergio deserved it,
as he was the one with the sword. You shall get
a far subtler knife – instead of steel,
maybe a candle. And maybe
we’d stuff it up your ass
once you’re dead, let the putrefying flesh
absorb the wax.

[CRNDLSM]

After searching '120 days sergio' and reading a paragraph description of the movie, I wonder what kind of feedback you want.  I appreciate controversial work, and this is a case where I would rather know about it from someone else's experiences.  I've already seen The Passion and Pink Flamingos I really don't want to see A Serbian Film ever or Saw IV through X.  So what are you conveying? The same horror of the original or your own twist, or your reaction to the story...

[RiverNotch]

After searching '120 days sergio' and reading a paragraph description of the movie, I wonder what kind of feedback you want.  I appreciate controversial work, and this is a case where I would rather know about it from someone else's experiences.  I've already seen The Passion and Pink Flamingos I really don't want to see A Serbian Film ever or Saw IV through X.  So what are you conveying? The same horror of the original or your own twist, or your reaction to the story...

This was written for last year's NaPM, so I don't think I had any specific goals in mind when I wrote this, other than to craft a good piece. I guess in this case, "good" means "vile", albeit coherent, aesthetically pleasing vileness -- make of that what you will.

As for "someone else's experiences", what do you mean? That I compose something from a different point of view, or that I not have been the one to write this? I'm sure there are better variations on the theme out there -- de Sade, of course -- or maybe you mean you would rather know about how I treat controversial work in general? For the last case....I don't know. Writing this, I didn't think of controversy, only of fulfilling the prompt right; editing this, all I want is something good*; and reading pieces like this, I don't think I consciously treat something as controversial or not, unless it deals with something more topical like politics or the environment. Anyway, thanks for the consideration!

* - sort of. This has passed through one or two minor rounds of editing from its composition, and aside from punctuation/capitalization, the only real change I know of is "Innana" substituting "Anubis", to better tie it with other pieces that I've written. I like to think that at some point I can collect all this to make a book, but you don't really need to consider that.

[CRNDLSM]

What I mean is, I would have to have been tricked into watching A Serbian Film, but thankfully a friend who did see it told me all about it, so I can be knowledgeable about the film without having to endure it.  

First time through your poem I didn't understand it, sounds like a guy just talking shit to the world while reinforcing his own righteous role within it with extra spunk. I didnt know what any of the numbers meant either.
Not terrible.  Not having back story I think you just made it all up, hard to critique.

With the little information I have now on a Google search, it's still hard to critique, because I have no desire to watch the movie or read the book, 120 minutes representing 120 days of torture, so fact checking, shared experiences, i can't help.

So, the only reason I did the search, was because I figured it was too specific to just be made up, and I wanted to critique, I appreciate knowing about the 120 days movie now, since in the 70s they pushed the borders for torture entertainment, and I'd never heard of it before now.  I also appreciate that knowing about it, I don't have to endure the act of watching it. Although it's probably graphically weaker than modern day horror.  Seems like the movie 'Sleepers' was a cross between '120 days of Sodom' and 'Count of Monte Cristo'

Could it be more appealing to the uninformed audience? Maybe, does it have to be? Not necessarily,

[RiverNotch]

it's graphically weaker, somewhat -- all the gore is concentrated on the last quarter, though the rest do have lots of sex and coprophagia -- but as far as i know most horror films of this sort don't set themselves in an era when such depravity was exceeded (World War 2), with the presentation somewhat cinema verite. it's also probably more intelligent, as i think pasolini had a clearer message for what he wanted to say throughout the film, and it's peppered with references to other works of art; in fact, i think pasolini himself was an accomplished poet, and i suppose that greatly informed his work, not only this but his other, far more accessible films.
as for the numbers, if i remember right the book was divided into roughly four parts: the simple passions, which lack penetration; the complex passions, which involve penetration; the criminal passions, which involve far sketchier circumstances, stopping short of murder; and the murderous passions. the film, if i remember right, sort of follows this scheme, with the first quarter being the four libertines choosing their victims and establishing the rules, the second quarter involving the first host of rapes, the third quarter involving episodes of mass blasphemy and coprophagia, and the fourth quarter being the gruesome murder of most of the victims. i suppose i just expanded the first and eliminated the coprophagia (i don't think i could ever capture how disgusting that episode was -- i couldn't eat chocolate cake for days after that), but the intent to follow is still there.
again, thanks for the critique!

[CRNDLSM]

the film, if i remember right, sort of follows this scheme, with the first quarter being the four libertines choosing their victims and establishing the rules, the second quarter involving the first host of rapes, the third quarter involving episodes of mass blasphemy and coprophagia, and the fourth quarter being the gruesome murder of most of the victims. i suppose i just expanded the first and eliminated the coprophagia (i don't think i could ever capture how disgusting that episode was -- i couldn't eat chocolate cake for days after that), but the intent to follow is still there.
[/quote]

Sounds to me like you should focus part 3 on the cake, like you wrote the poem thinking of the most vile thing you could, then left out the most vile part.

Or if tying it to your other poems is more important, then reduce the elements of the original story further, maybe so it's unsearchable, or obviously relevant through a simple search.

You got it I'll stop commenting now, thanks for sharing!