Coughing, Chills, Shakes and Fever

[Erthona]

Coughing, Chills, Shakes and Fever
 
Coughing, chills, shakes and fever,
take some aspirin, then to bed;
curl up tight a human spheroid,
sleep so deep you’d think I'm dead.
 
Fever, coughing, chills and shakes,
my ribs hurt, each breath I take,
head expanding, pulsing, pounding,
oh how does my body ache,
 
Shakes and fever, coughing, chills,
what makes me feel so very ill,
little buggies farm inside me,
plant their seedlings, plow the field.
 
Chills and shakes, fever, coughing,
surely I will die tonight,
am I cursed, or am I blessed,
if I see the morning light?
 
 
erthona
 
©1997-2017
note: This is written in accentual verse, with four accents per line, not in formal verse: just to save someone the time of critiquing the meter and finding it wanting.

[ellajam]

ha, even in accentual I said every instead of each in L6 .

I liked the philosophical turn it took at the end.

[just mercedes]

This works well, for me. Your final question is a tough one to answer. I've been so sick I thought I wanted to die, because at least the agony would stop. But of course once it passed, life was a gift again. The rotation of words in the first line sort of dictated where the rhymes would fall - nicely done.

[RiverNotch]

Coughing, Chills, Shakes and Fever
 
Coughing, chills, shakes and fever --
take some aspirin, then to bed.
Curl up tight: a human spheroid,
sleep so deep you’d think I'm dead.
 
Fever, coughing, chills and shakes --
my ribs hurt -- each breath I take -- each move I make, each bond I break, each step I take
head expanding, pulsing, pounding --
oh how does my body ache! so yeah, i really like my em dashes. but in this case i think to abuse them is more justified -- highlights the pain, and the spaces between words one so often makes when in such pain. plus, it's not like the commas here aren't equally abused.
 
Shakes and fever, coughing, chills --
what makes me feel so very ill?
Little buggies farm inside me,
plant their seedlings, plow the field. these two lines just made me scream like a little girl inside. "little buggies farm inside me" -- so cute!
 
Chills and shakes, fever, coughing --
surely I will die tonight! also an abuse of the exclamation mark. but also in this case, i think the abuse is justified -- the sentiments here feel informally-overblown enough to really merit it.
Am I cursed, or am I blessed, I'm not sure if the dichotomy here is right -- or perhaps I'm bothered just because of the wrong tense. Surely not "am", but "would"! A (terrible) suggestion: "Would I be cursed, would I be blessed/ if I see the morning light?" No, no, that doesn't feel right. Maybe just focus on the "am I cursed" bit of the question, since to answer the question with a 'no' already implies "blessed".
if I see the morning light?
 
 
erthona

My nits mostly concern punctuation, so again, they're prolly ignoreable. 

[Erthona]

RiverNotch,

Yeah at times I tend to run roughshod over punctuation, generally has to do with the level of dyslexia. You can tell I didn't put sufficient work into this as I did not even go to the trouble to get proper em dashes. Funny you said what you did about the lines

"little buggies farm inside me,
plant their seedlings, plow the field."

This was actually close to what I told my daughter to get her to take her medicine when she was a little girl, so good instincts there.

Thanks, also to el and JM,

dale