think of all the baby plants that sprout.

[canofworms]

Think of all the baby plants that sprout
From seeds soft soil slumber.
Their lone limb lists and leans. 
An awkward and unpracticed reach to the sun, the rain. 
While roots wrap round fast to mother's breast 
with primate tendril toes. 

[Keith]

Hi Can of
Just a couple of pet hates for me to start, capitalised lines and using the first line as your title, don't really work and detract for me. I like the image as it grows, firmly planting its toes, I think in such a short piece you can take time to open up some of the lines make the image clearer and help the reader take a break from the well placed alliteration. some notes below.

Think of all the baby plants that sproutchoose as title or first line but not both
From seeds soft soil slumber. this doesn't really make sense you need some fill words to help the reader.
Their lone limb lists and leans.  a nice image but I'm L'ed out here just a touch too much
An awkward and unpracticed reach to the sun, the rain. 
While roots wrap round fast to mother's breast  the soil, nice image and twist
with primate tendril toes.  Nice close bringing out the nurture nature side of the poem

A enjoyable poem and topic, I would space out some of the sonics as they become over powering without a break, but all said you have a neat little poem here that wont take much fixing up. Best Keith

Ooops just spotted this is in Misc so I've probably over cooked the broth. sorry if this was not the kind of feedback you were looking for, but you can always ignore me, I have thick skin good luck with your poem which ever path you choose.

[canofworms]

Thanks its all good.

How about this.

Think of all the baby plants that sprout
from seeds' slumbering in soil,
the earth's womb.

Their lone limb reaches. An awkward listing grab at food .
the sun, the rain.
While roots wrap round fast to mother's breast
with primate tendril toes.
A sprout, pallid, weak and brittle, aspiring to greatness opens and unfolds, doubles and redoubles.
Fed by the rich pantry of death and decay absorbed by roots sucking earth's marrow.
That single weak stalk doubles and unfolds it's first leaf to catch the air and light

[Lizzie]

Hello.  Keith is right that the alliteration needs to be broken up. May I offer a sample re-write? Some people like that kind of thing, some people chafe at it. I find it's easier to show my suggestions sometimes than to state them. So, maybe something like this:

Think of all the baby plants sprouting
after softly slumbering in the soil,
their lone limb listing and leaning --
an awkward, unpracticed reach
for the sun, the rain --
while its roots wrap fast
round its mother's breast
with primal, tendril toes.

Instead of my silly double dash, use full em dashes.

I dropped primate, because that means monkeys and apes to me.

But, overall, I think it's beautiful.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Lizzie

[canofworms]

Hello.  Keith is right that the alliteration needs to be broken up. May I offer a sample re-write? Some people like that kind of thing, some people chafe at it. I find it's easier to show my suggestions sometimes than to state them. So, maybe something like this:

Think of all the baby plants sprouting
after softly slumbering in the soil,
their lone limb listing and leaning --
an awkward, unpracticed reach
for the sun, the rain --
while its roots wrap fast
round its mother's breast
with primal, tendril toes.

Instead of my silly double dash, use full em dashes.

I dropped primate, because that means monkeys and apes to me.

But, overall, I think it's beautiful.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Lizzie

Not at all. 
thank you.   

You know people are also primates. 

Would you like to see the photo that inspired this.?
I took it on January 18th and it was the first green I had seen in a while. 

I can't upload it and it's on my FB page. But I used it as my avatar.  Tiny... 

I pm'd it to you.