American Express Parking Lot

[Brownlie]

Every day I pass a dust-becoming
Prophylactic,
grounding into asphalt like a dead leaf.
Spears of weeds break the sidewalk, 
and the automated teller collects greasy swaths.
Nobody stays there.

Leaving the office after the boss had gruffly dismissed me,
I placed two fingers above my head like horns,
charged a middle aged man with glasses,
turned to an ambling, contented crowd
and howled cockeyed that I would cut the hart horns off their heads.
It tore me that they were there, but maybe I could make them leave.

[dukealien]

Every day I pass a dust-becoming
Prophylactic,
grounding into asphalt like a dead leaf.
Spears of weeds break the sidewalk, 
and the automated teller collects greasy swaths.
Nobody stays there.

Leaving the office after the boss had gruffly dismissed me,
I placed two fingers above my head like horns,
charged a middle aged man with glasses,
turned to an ambling, contented crowd
and howled cockeyed that I would cut the hart horns off their heads.
It tore me that they were there, but maybe I could make them leave.

This seems jumbled like an Impressionist painting (or scumbled, as the artists say) in detail, but the overall shape and meaning seem very clear.  Reminds me somewhat of the Beatles' "A Day in the Life" - tracking with closeups that don't individually seem to connect or make sense, but taken together describe a sort of simultaneous mania and depression.  (Here the upshot is envious repelling instead of yearning "I'd love to turn you on," but still, it reminds me.)

Attention-getting inexplicables:  "Prophylactic" capitalized.  Why?  Was there originally, or is this meant to trigger, a brand name ("Trojan," for example)?  Or is it simply (or complexly) Important?  Same with the eccentric use of "grounding" - can see the proximate meaning (moldering into the blacktop) but also the electrical sense of that spark of life (contents of the French letter) lost to the universal neutral.  LIkewise mysterious, "hart horns" - triggers "hartshorn," smelling salts/baking ingredient once made from literal hart horns... a pungent, reviving, ammoniacal smell?

Less inexplicable, but still nice:  "charged a ... man with glasses," the obvious physical mock-assault but also charging as in bringing charges against/citing.  And finally (but not exhausting them), "gruffly dismissed"  - perfectly ambivalent between being angrily given the sack and an almost playful "Get out of my office, Brownie - you're acting crazy."

A very involving read.  Thanks for posting it!

[Brownlie]

Every day I pass a dust-becoming
Prophylactic,
grounding into asphalt like a dead leaf.
Spears of weeds break the sidewalk, 
and the automated teller collects greasy swaths.
Nobody stays there.

Leaving the office after the boss had gruffly dismissed me,
I placed two fingers above my head like horns,
charged a middle aged man with glasses,
turned to an ambling, contented crowd
and howled cockeyed that I would cut the hart horns off their heads.
It tore me that they were there, but maybe I could make them leave.

This seems jumbled like an Impressionist painting (or scumbled, as the artists say) in detail, but the overall shape and meaning seem very clear.  Reminds me somewhat of the Beatles' "A Day in the Life" - tracking with closeups that don't individually seem to connect or make sense, but taken together describe a sort of simultaneous mania and depression.  (Here the upshot is envious repelling instead of yearning "I'd love to turn you on," but still, it reminds me.)

Attention-getting inexplicables:  "Prophylactic" capitalized.  Why?  Was there originally, or is this meant to trigger, a brand name ("Trojan," for example)?  Or is it simply (or complexly) Important?  Same with the eccentric use of "grounding" - can see the proximate meaning (moldering into the blacktop) but also the electrical sense of that spark of life (contents of the French letter) lost to the universal neutral.  LIkewise mysterious, "hart horns" - triggers "hartshorn," smelling salts/baking ingredient once made from literal hart horns... a pungent, reviving, ammoniacal smell?

Less inexplicable, but still nice:  "charged a ... man with glasses," the obvious physical mock-assault but also charging as in bringing charges against/citing.  And finally (but not exhausting them), "gruffly dismissed"  - perfectly ambivalent between being angrily given the sack and an almost playful "Get out of my office, Brownie - you're acting crazy."

A very involving read.  Thanks for posting it!

Thanks for commenting. Was going for a hypothetical outburst from a "beta male," which is a trash term used a lot on the internet. I'll make sure to comment/critique your stuff when I see it.

[Erthona]

Kind of reminded me of J. Alfred, or maybe the Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

"Do I dare to eat a peach?"

More the emasculation of the alpha male. We play games timidly (or in our imagination) that we use to play for real. Despite your stated intent I like it well enough.

Best,

dale

[RiverNotch]

Every day I pass a dust-becoming
Prophylactic,
grounding into asphalt like a dead leaf. I imagine a panacean turd, dropped in the middle of the street, then ground up under the heel of the speaker.
Spears of weeds break the sidewalk, 
and the automated teller collects greasy swaths. I have no idea what actually happens at an American Express Parking Lot. Is this like a parking lot in front of...what...an atm? Ugh, this first stanza's experience feels like something that I both know very well and not know a single bit -- and that's not really a bad thing, since I bet it'd disappear once I know what American Express is supposed to be (it's a credit card company, right? so, like, a bank, but not a bank?), or once I get a job.
Nobody stays there.

Leaving the office after the boss had gruffly dismissed me,
I placed two fingers above my head like horns,
charged a middle aged man with glasses,
turned to an ambling, contented crowd
and howled cockeyed that I would cut the hart horns off their heads. I laughed at this stanza, laughed the way I laugh whenever I slip down some stairs, or piss with a bit of pain. The images work, and I think at this point I could connect at a more literal level with the narrative.
It tore me that they were there, but maybe I could make them leave.
But anyway, lovely work.