Solitaire

[Wjames]

I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone.

I trampled the corpses and walked back inside
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.

[Sparkydashforth]

I must say I do like those first two lines on S1, brilliant.
The rest is too vague to match the opening lines, and somewhat of a let down.
If it were mine I would stick to the micro details,
which often speak louder than dramatic oratorical statements.

I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone.

I trampled the corpses and walked back inside
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.

[RiverNotch]

I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone.

I trampled the corpses and walked back inside
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.

i've never been with a slut before, but the thought's still something with which i can relate. the connection between daisies, annals, and corpses is a goldmine -- the movement to the more universal is basically the whole thing of this poem, and it really works (though somehow placate doesn't really feel like the right word...in fact that whole line doesn't seem to adjust metrically in some of my faster readings). lovely work!

[Lizzie]

I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts -- Yaaaaaasssssss. Great line.
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone. -- I can infer aloneness from the Playboys. How was the speaker with sluts when alone? Doesn't jibe.


I trampled the corpses and walked back inside -- I like corpses, but maybe make it different than the first line. What other beautiful things were trampled? Restating the previous stanza in a blander manner doesn't work.
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.

[Achebe]

Since you're not looking for crit I'll only say that the last line bothers me. It's trying too hard to be profound.

[ryanjr]

I poisoned the daisies with ashes and butts
while plumbing the annals of Playboys and sluts
I’d been with when I was alone.

I trampled the corpses and walked back inside
to turn on the tv and placate my mind
with voices that were not my own.

At first I thought placate didn't work because there was no guilt or regret, but it is that word that makes the poem regretful. However, its like you paint the character as a bad person who just ignores his/her own thoughts and is only alive for sensory input and the last line reveals them as human not "machine". It is a really interesting poem.

[vagabond]

the feeling of loneliness and depression is  strong. i like the meter and rhyme.

 i could read a double meaning into "trampling the corpses":
-those of the flowers as a metaphor to potential but unrealized tender relationships/ friendships.
-or the corpses of the sluts and playboys that are no substitute for the former. and it doesnt matter if the sluts are real or not since one can be very alone when together with other people.

despite the loneliness being self-imposed it is still intolerable without distraction (TV).
yes, i like that poem, much is said in few words.

(unfortunately i don´t know if daisy has a slang meaning besides the literal one.)