Posts: 129
Threads: 26
Joined: Nov 2016
I can see through the hedge
where the wind is barelegged
Clenched vestibules curl outward
into cavernous blossoms
Groundhogs carry sparrow bones
from exhumed burrows
Cavities have become clocks
around them
a cold
cold burning
Halloween will be late
the dead are still dying
Posts: 57
Threads: 9
Joined: Oct 2016
I really like this poem particularly how you have structured it line for line. You have created some powerful imagery which gives a great picture of late Autumn
(12-09-2016, 02:29 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: I can see through the hedge
where the wind is barelegged a great personification of the wind here
Clenched vestibules curl outward
into cavernous blossoms Quite a vivid image you here created here
Groundhogs carry sparrow bones
from exhumed burrows This stanza isn't as powerful or as memorable as the rest perhaps you could personify the groundhogs, say something more about the burrows or have a different word than just "carry"
Cavities have become clocks
around them
a cold
cold burning I'm not sure what your trying to say here: How have cavities become like clocks? how does this relate to Autumn?
Halloween will be late
the dead are still dying Good closing line
Poetry is the unexpected utterance of the soul
Mark Nepo