Here Again

[Coquette16]

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning;
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,
of possibilities,
of melting and bending
faith’s pillar

All, for what?
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish
searching in circles?

Back to where I began.
How am I here again?







**Thanks for reading/critiquing!**

[UselessBlueprint]

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers (I'd focus on the moment the fire restarts, rather than the present burning)

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning; (a weak analogy in my opinion)
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,
of possibilities,
of melting and bending (nothing coherent in this section)
faith’s pillar

All, for what? (These first three questions say very little)
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow (these next two, however, are pretty fair images)
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish (though they are oddly phrased)
searching in circles?

Back to where I began.
How am I here again? (This repetition is acceptable, thematically and by position)

I see progress. Still, it is hard to extract complete thoughts from. It almost lacks an attention span. All of the ideas fell under developed.

(Long day, can't offer much more critique at the moment. Sorry.)

[Jo Frumple]

Overall, I really like it! Interesting that you have this circular despair going on (at least that's what I got, maybe I'm off) but at the same time you have an "unexpected bolt of lightning" and something "electrified" which I wouldn't expect if one is going through a mental state where one has been before, seemingly numerous times. Also I get the idea from the third stanza of this endless kind of well of questions, then you give the reader a sampling of some of these before ending with the beginning, which I like.

Hope this helps!

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning;................Yes, you might want to consider editing this and try to shorten it a bit. Perhaps
                                                                          eliminate one or both of the 'as's. Otherwise I like these lines.
Electrifying .................................................................I like this.
what has gone to the grave

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,........................Really like it.
of possibilities,...........................What if you took out both "of"s and maybe that 'and'? "Possibilities melting, bending," and added an
                                                   adjective for 'pillar'? As this poem seems to be about confusion and potential despair, it may fit better to describe the
                                                         pillar of faith as somehow weakening or crumbling. I think that would bring stronger images to mind as well.
of melting and bending
faith’s pillar

All, for what?
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?............................''all, for what'' kind of breaks the rhythm a smidge but not too much, however, when you have this little line 
                                            following so soon it rather broke things up too much for me. Consider adding some more words to 
                                            lengthen this line.
For weeping as a willow
reaches downward
to meet the earth?......................Really like these few lines about the weeping willow.
For floundering as a fish
searching in circles?

Back to where I began.
How am I here again?







**Thanks for reading/critiquing!**

[HaleINthewind]

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers  I think this is a good image (although I wonder about embers being cold and ashen as they are usually what is starting a fire. Not what is left over from an old fire. ) Maybe that was the point?

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning;  I agree this line does not add anything.
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave   Are the last two lines highlighting the idea that something that was once finished or dead is back or electrifyed back into life? If so this may be saying what you have already said in your first stanza with fire in "cold ashen embers" Maybe bring something new here

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,   As a reader this is confusing. Not at first. The first two lines make since.
of possibilities,
of melting and bending
faith’s pillar  

All, for what?
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish Like a fish?
searching in circles?

Back to where I began.
How am I here again? I enjoy your ending it is a nice way to wrap it all up and highlights the round and round downward spiral that the above stated emotions tends to create.







**Thanks for reading/critiquing!**

Hey there, thanks for the read. You seem to have a good start here. You have some images that are stronger than others. Such as the metaphor in s1. Also S4 the fish and the willow. I would double check the willow thing. As it reads now it is saying the speaker is weeping at the same time a willow is reaching downward. Maybe that is what you were going for. I wonder if maybe a stronger image can be derived from those lines.
I think a great way to attack would be go back and read for clarity and strengthen your images, Get rid of things that dont bring in anything new. Also maybe it would be helpfull to keep a common poem long metaphor? You have a lot of different images that dont relate to each other directly - fish fire trees pillar lightening. Maybe pick one and go?

I hope something in here is helpfull to you. Thank you !

[Emmykay]

we hope to get a little more in the feedback forums/mod

This is almost scary good. It struck a real cord with me. I gasped when I read it because it just felt so real.

[Mark Cecil]

Lots of great imagery creating here that sticks in the brain

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers  I like the image that heat or warmth here symbolises life and activity which is further emphasised in the next stanza

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning;
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave This line about the grave confuses me a bit but also intrigues - does it refer to the things you have let go but come back as a bolt of lightning?

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,
of possibilities,
of melting and bending
faith’s pillar Perhaps my favourite stanza of the whole poem a lot of naturalistic imagery to a very human problem

All, for what?
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish
searching in circles? Love the image of willow and fish to very strong images

Back to where I began.
How am I here again? Strong ending







**Thanks for reading/critiquing!**

[VINTAGEM]

The metaphors and similes used in this poem are great.The first stanza is beautifully written' ashen embers' is a contradiction that is well written.
The imagery in the second stanza however lost me totally I could not make sense of what it has anything to do with faith.
The closing of the poem is nice as it explains the consequence to the first stanza's except I feel the questions could have been poetically put for instance" For what?" sounds so informal and slang. It has the making of a good poem

[Coquette16]

Mark,
The reactions and critiques to my poem below had such varied responses that I found it difficult to edit. 

I was wondering if you could take a peek at the edited version below...it is edited quite a bit, but hopefully doesn't lose it's imagery for the sake of cohesion.

Thanks!
Coquette

HERE AGAIN
How am I here again?
Embers burn in
the coolness of my breast

This place unearthed
from my center;
Melt and bend
my pillar of faith
 
I am taken,
once again
to the grave
and I weep like a willow.
 
Tears extinguishing the embers,
I take root in the ashes--
again

Lots of great imagery creating here that sticks in the brain

How am I here again?
To the place where fire
burns from cold, ashen embers  I like the image that heat or warmth here symbolises life and activity which is further emphasised in the next stanza

As unexpected as a bolt of lightning;
Electrifying
what has gone to the grave This line about the grave confuses me a bit but also intrigues - does it refer to the things you have let go but come back as a bolt of lightning?

Unearthed from beneath
a current of questions,
of possibilities,
of melting and bending
faith’s pillar Perhaps my favourite stanza of the whole poem a lot of naturalistic imagery to a very human problem

All, for what?
For torture of the soul?
Self-pity?
For weeping as a willow
reaches downward
to meet the earth?
For floundering as a fish
searching in circles? Love the image of willow and fish to very strong images

Back to where I began.
How am I here again? Strong ending







**Thanks for reading/critiquing!**

[pbillyc]

This poem resonates. The existential dread that sneaks up at the worst/best moments.

It does seem a bit all over the place though. The message is strong throughout the poem although I felt quite lost while reading it.