Unraveling

[starlight]

Edit I: 

A simple word shatters:
a thousand lost connections,
the tightly twisted knots untangle.
 
The mumbled mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak in brash commotion
Drowning out sound notions
 
Three six five, just letters:
The meaning as fallible as the mind
That promised to hold on to it.

 ----
A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

[sintas patatas]

Hello, starlight.

I like how (to me) you showed how the mind can be frail, how tenuous memory is, how it can be there, then suddenly not. Because of aging or some other thing.

Here are my comments/suggestions/clarifications by line:

A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections How about scrapping the second "of"? = a million lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind How about adding "the" after of = mice of the mind. Also, untintelligible for me seems too long a word for this line. A shorter/simpler word may be better.
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion, Saying there's an overpowering commotion and showing us how are two different things.
Drowning out your own name This line shows what the "mice of the mind" can do, which I like. I only have a problem with not finding "your/you" anywhere else in the poem so it's a bit jarring.
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to This part is a bit confusing. Order? Line up in order?
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

All in all, the drama in this poem seems muted, which I guess goes with how things are "unraveling." But maybe dropping an oomph bomb wouldn't hurt

[abhishek]

Other than what Sintas said above, I also find the pattern a bit unstable. Let's say, for example, the use of different number of lines for every paragraph kind of messes with the flow.  
Also,

A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel  How about you replace the word 'million' with something similar in order to avoid repetition with  the 'million' mentioned in the second line.
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,  Also, I'd prefer a bit more compact word over 'overpowering'.
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind     
That promised to hold on to it

Generally speaking, I really liked how you portrayed the human mind as weak and feeble, and lacking in inspiration.

[Quixilated]

Hi Starlight, you have a lovely poem here.  I enjoyed the images you used to capture the chaos of a fractured mind, and the narrator's inability to comprehend that what has happened has happened.  I especially love the mice of mind scurrying so frantically that the narrator can't even think of a name.  I have a few suggestions below that you are welcome to consider if it helps.  

--Quix

A simple word shatters at the thought   any word or a specific word? for some reason I got hung up on this.
of a million of lost connections   using million twice in a row ... maybe find a different way to say one of them.
A million tightly twisted knots unravel some of your lines are capitalized at the beginning and some are not. Lowercase "a" here.
 
The unintelligible mice of mind I love this image.  Alternate phrasing idea, "mind-mice" but I like what you have too
Skitter scamper squeak  I don't think you need all three words, maybe pick one and merge it with the following line.
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name lowercase d
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to  "order" twice in the same line, consider replacing the second with "meant" or its equivalent
Three six five, just letters,  symbols? lowercase t
The meaning as fragile lowercase t
As the fallibility of the mind lowercase a
That promised to hold on to it lowercase a

[Jo Frumple]

OK. So first off- I like it! Overall, very good, nice rhythm, nice consonance. I enjoyed it! Here are a few comments and tweaks I'd consider.

Use of 'million'. Either it is unintentionally repetitive making it not quite as creative or it is intentional. I could see "a thousand lost connections" working well instead. That would also bring out some consonance because thousand would go well with thought. If the twice-use of "million'' is intentional however, perhaps you should have it used more than twice. Perhaps bring it back a couple more times throughout the poem?

I appreciate the consonance of "tightly twisted".

Ok, I can't quite explain why, but to my ears, "unravel" just doesn't seem to work here. ? Which is unfortunate because it is the name of the piece and it is a lovely word. Perhaps another strong 't' verb to go with tightly and twisted?

Wow. I really like that second paragraph. Very good. 'Skitter scamper squeak'- excellent! Carries the mood well!

The final paragraph is also very good. I would recommend adding 'just' to the 4th line. "The meaning just as fragile".

Also, did you ever consider making that last line "The promise to hold on to it"?

A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

[Mark Cecil]

Overall a great poem with good images that describes the messy state the mind can be in whether it is due to old age or illness.  I have a few suggestions below.

A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections I'd suggest as others have of using thousand instead of million here and below
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of the mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name I love this stanza
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to good rhyming of day and way really adds to the flow of the poem
Three six five, just letters, alternatively you could put "marks" instead of "letters" to really highlight the state the mind has decayed
The meaning as fragile Instead "The meaning fragile"
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it instead "once promised to hold on to it"

[Coquette16]

Starlight,

Overall, I really like the tone of the poem. It resonated with my current/passing emotional state---so, the reader connection has been made! Nice job!

Specifically, I noticed in line two that the word "of" seems unnecessary.
Does the thought shatter or the word? (Just a clarifying question for reflection.)

Perhaps choose another term to express the "million"...in fact, I think that the "tightly twisted knots unravel" is substantial enough to convey severity. 

I like the "mice of mind" metaphor...when imagined, mice are always scampering, squeaking, etc. The image may have more impact without the declaration of "in overpowering commotion"; just progress to the last line (love it!).

"...the way they're ordered to..." throws off the voice of the poem a bit, as does the last line of the poem: without the "to it" for a more definitive end, maybe?

Overall, I like the tone of the poem.

Nice work!

A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak 
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

[Sparkydashforth]

A simple word shatters at the thought (Interesting opening line)
of a million of lost connections  (I would cut 'of' in 'of lost'
A million tightly twisted knots unravel  {how about cutting 'a million'?)
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion, (I would cut this line, inferred already)
Drowning out your own name
 

Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
 
I find the last stanza to be too overwritten - why not use only the lines above?

An interesting and insightful work. Well done.

[starlight]

Thanks for the recommendations everyone! Got a little caught up with life so wasn't able to edit for a while, but I've tried to incorporate most of the suggestions. Please feel free to keep commenting! It's super appreciated

[Sparkydashforth]

Hi Starlight,

Edit I: 

A simple word shatters:  ............You start the poem with a conundrum, nothing wrong with that, but I feel some
preface to the "word" might add to the clarity here.  Why does the "simple word" shatter?
 a thousand lost connections, ................like this line  - it points to memory and false memory
the tightly twisted knots untangle.....................I would cut 'the"
 
The mumbled mice of mind ..........the alliteration feels forced to me.
Skitter scamper squeak in brash commotion.................nice sounds
Drowning out sound notions.............what is a "sound notion"? needs more clarity.
 
Three six five, just letters:................sorry but I don't get this - again I feel you need more explanation
The meaning as fallible as the mind
That promised to hold on to it............last line falls a little flat

Good write but I think you could expand on the theme and revise.


 ----
A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

[HaleINthewind]

Edit I: 

A simple word shatters:
a thousand lost connections, 
the tightly twisted knots untangle. I am not good at punctuation truly but something seems off here.
 
The mumbled mice of mind  Good alliteration here. It sounds very nice. I do wonder about the use of mumbled when they are also in brash commotion. Seems a bit contradictory maybe?
Skitter scamper squeak in brash commotion  Punctuation missed this stanza?
Drowning out sound notions 
 
Three six five, just letters:
The meaning as fallible as the mind
That promised to hold on to it.

 ----
A simple word shatters at the thought
of a million of lost connections
A million tightly twisted knots unravel
 
The unintelligible mice of mind
Skitter scamper squeak
in overpowering commotion,
Drowning out your own name
 
Waiting for the day when numbers
order the way they're ordered to
Three six five, just letters,
The meaning as fragile
As the fallibility of the mind
That promised to hold on to it

Hello, I read your edit first. Just with the few changes you added. Mainly removing the excess and repeats and pairing down really helped with the clarity and over all effect of your piece in my opinion.  You still have capitalization issues in you piece.  It is no longer proper to capitalize every line. There is a reason it was done and is no longer necessary. Others on this site could tell you why. If you want to keep the capital at every line  then cap s1 line 2 and 3.

I am not sure about the s1 punctuation and the mumbled. It may just be me .

Get some consistency in punctuation and caps and thats all Ive got.

Other wise I enjoyed this read. Especially the  last 2 stanzas