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![[Image: BumbleBee.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/im14/BumbleBee.jpg)
< all day at the dump >
loose and crazy these female dinosaurs
busy buttering hunk to hunk
loose only for a piece of rump
and give me some toast
let me watch the sun
as it touches off flowers like dynamite
like fireflies on nuclear power cycles
honest-to-god real lightning and thunder bugs
bumblebees big as mountains but turning on dimes
stay out of their way
who gave me this day?
it's plain
it's gray
it's got nothing to say
it shipped me live
next day express
and now i'm new jersey
and i should have been new york
and i should have been a nice house and a pretty garden
and not this beat-up cardboard box with a wet bottom
but my top's dry
begging
to be set on fire
- - -
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I didn't know you were back. High? Hi!
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Ray, this is f*****g amazing. My favorite bits:
(11-02-2016, 10:01 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:
< all day at the dump >
loose and crazy these female dinosaurs
busy buttering hunk to hunk
loose only for a piece of rump
and give me some toast
let me watch the sun
as it touches off flowers like dynamite -- such an unexpected comparison
like fireflies on nuclear power cycles
honest-to-god real lightning and thunder bugs
bumblebees big as mountains but turning on dimes -- big as mountains for bumblebees??? I love it. I love it even more because bumblers are my favorite bees.
stay out of their way -- what's great about this is that I don't know if you're referring to the females or to the bumblers, but it makes no never mind
who gave me this day? -- lovely existential questions fleshed out in this stanza, feeling natural and not over-wrought
it's plain
it's gray
it's got nothing to say
it shipped me live
next day express
and now i'm new jersey
and i should have been new york
and i should have been a nice house and a pretty garden -- love new jersey through this line -- my favorite bits
and not this beat-up cardboard box with a wet bottom
but my top's dry
begging
to be set on fire -- perfect ending
- - -
I don't think the picture adds anything, though. My mental images are much more interesting. 
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(11-03-2016, 03:12 AM)Erthona Wrote: I didn't know you were back. High? Hi!
dale Why yes, I am high back.
Hi to you too.
(11-03-2016, 04:15 AM)lizziep Wrote: stay out of their way -- what's great about this is that I don't know if you're referring to the females or to the bumblers Or the flowers, it might be the flowers.
(11-03-2016, 04:15 AM)lizziep Wrote: and now i'm new jersey
and i should have been new york
and i should have been a nice house and a pretty garden -- love new jersey through this line -- my favorite bits While new jersey isn't actually referenced positively here, I actually do like parts of it:
the northern shores, the hilly parts of north jersey, the pine barrens.
(11-03-2016, 04:15 AM)lizziep Wrote: I don't think the picture adds anything, though. My mental images are much more interesting. My poem, my mental images. 
But your mental images (at least those brought about by the poem, as I shrink in horror at some of your other ones) are welcome as well.
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I'm enjoying the change in energy from the top to the bottom, there's a transfer of energy between the busy reflex and the human discontent that seems less bitter for the realization that it can change with the day that makes each section better for interacting with the other. Interesting work.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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< all day at the dump >
loose and crazy these female dinosaurs dinosaur as in destined to become exstinct?
busy buttering hunk to hunk no clue
loose only for a piece of rump maybe a small clue, but no way to make that fit to the rest of the poem
and give me some toast real toast or the one you have to a glass of wine or something?
let me watch the sun as if expecting / fearing something or maybe it is another sun, a more dangerous one
as it touches off flowers like dynamite an explosion, but the flowers are not the explosives
like fireflies on nuclear power cycles why the cycles not plants?
honest-to-god real lightning and thunder bugs great line
bumblebees big as mountains but turning on dimes mutating insects? is there another meaning for dime than the money? so far I don´t get why they turn on dimes.
stay out of their way and out of the area
who gave me this day? disorientation, waking up after the blast?
it's plain
it's gray
it's got nothing to say
it shipped me live
next day express postapocalyptic
and now i'm new jersey
and i should have been new York this is one the many reasons I believe my whole interpretation is wrong
and i should have been a nice house and a pretty garden if whatever had not happened
and not this beat-up cardboard box with a wet bottom homeless
but my top's dry no clue
begging no clue
to be set on fire no fucking clue
i may be very far off, but this is what i think about when reading the poem
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(05-12-2017, 04:51 AM)vagabond Wrote: ... i may be very far off, but this is what i think about when reading the poem While I could provide a detailed explication (most of it has a logical basis and a linear narrative),
that was not the purpose of this poem. If it was, I would have written a short fiction or historical non-fiction piece.
In this poem, as in most of my poetry, you're supposed to create a meaning/story/feeling
that's all your own (I have one, but I consider it all my own and don't want to bias your creation).
Though I will say that you're trying to take it a bit too literally.
That said... there are a few idioms/aphorisms/references/sayings that you may not be acquainted with so...
let me watch the sun - an historical LSD drug reference
flowers are often portrayed as "bursting into bloom"
turning on dimes - "turning on a dime" means to make a sharp turn as a dime is the smallest U.S. coin
and now i'm new jersey and i should have been new york - typical class-oriented put-down. what's inferred
is that New York is upscale and New Jersey is lower class - it should really be Manhattan and Newark but
it's typically generalized to include the whole state (within New Jersey the northern part is upscale and
the southern is plebeian)
and I'll say this, even though I think saying it spoils my intent to have the reader make up their own
version of the poem as they read it: the root basis is the mental illness euphemistically called 'bipolar'
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< all day at the dump >
loose and crazy these female dinosaurs -I'm not sure this whole line fits
busy buttering hunk to hunk -buttering is cute
loose only for a piece of rump -they are all clara pellers?
and give me some toast -this is tragedy, honestly
let me watch the sun -good metaphor
as it touches off flowers like dynamite -beautiful description of explosive colors of flowers
like fireflies on nuclear power cycles -like is easy to use
honest-to-god real lightning and thunder bugs -I really like this line
bumblebees big as mountains but turning on dimes -human nature, perhaps accompanies suffering
stay out of their way -I like this
who gave me this day? -good change of rhythm w/expression
it's plain
it's gray
it's got nothing to say
it shipped me live
next day express
and now i'm new jersey
and i should have been new york
and i should have been a nice house and a pretty garden
and not this beat-up cardboard box with a wet bottom
but my top's dry -ALMOST lost me on these last three
begging
to be set on fire
Hi, rayheinrich- This poem spoken rolls nicely. It's dripping with something, not frustration or sarcasm...I'm not quite sure, maybe disappointment? I think there is much room for misinterpretation. I see it as a very thoughtful reminder, too. The very best wishes to you.
janine
there's always a better reason to love
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(05-12-2017, 07:49 AM)nibbed Wrote: < all day at the dump >
...
Hi, rayheinrich- This poem spoken rolls nicely. It's dripping with something, not frustration or sarcasm...I'm not quite sure, maybe disappointment? I think there is much room for misinterpretation. I see it as a very thoughtful reminder, too. The very best wishes to you.
janine Thanks. Not misinterpretation, but interpretation. It's designed to encourage you to wander your mind.
... manic joy occasioned by the beauty of the world and the despair of a life lost...
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(05-12-2017, 08:09 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: (05-12-2017, 07:49 AM)nibbed Wrote: < all day at the dump >
...
Hi, rayheinrich- This poem spoken rolls nicely. It's dripping with something, not frustration or sarcasm...I'm not quite sure, maybe disappointment? I think there is much room for misinterpretation. I see it as a very thoughtful reminder, too. The very best wishes to you.
janine
Thanks. Not misinterpretation, but interpretation. It's designed to encourage you to wander your mind.
... manic joy occasioned by the beauty of the world and the despair of a life lost...
so the last 3 lines of the poem are somehow back to the manic side? i am sorry, i just keep trying...
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(05-12-2017, 08:15 AM)vagabond Wrote: (05-12-2017, 08:09 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: (05-12-2017, 07:49 AM)nibbed Wrote: < all day at the dump >
...
Hi, rayheinrich- This poem spoken rolls nicely. It's dripping with something, not frustration or sarcasm...I'm not quite sure, maybe disappointment? I think there is much room for misinterpretation. I see it as a very thoughtful reminder, too. The very best wishes to you.
janine
Thanks. Not misinterpretation, but interpretation. It's designed to encourage you to wander your mind.
... manic joy occasioned by the beauty of the world and the despair of a life lost...
so the last 3 lines of the poem are somehow back to the manic side? i am sorry, i just keep trying... That's OK, I'm in pathetic need of attention. It's either be nice to you guys or find
someone twice my size, piss them off, and masochistically enjoy my suffering.
Nice is better as I don't have to get out of this chair thereby upsetting the cat sleeping in my lap.
"somehow back to the manic side?"
more like waiting/begging/bragging for/about the next manic episode
Ray
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(05-12-2017, 07:09 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: (05-12-2017, 04:51 AM)vagabond Wrote: ... i may be very far off, but this is what i think about when reading the poem
While I could provide a detailed explication (most of it has a logical basis and a linear narrative),
that was not the purpose of this poem. If it was, I would have written a short fiction or historical non-fiction piece.
In this poem, as in most of my poetry, you're supposed to create a meaning/story/feeling
that's all your own (I have one, but I consider it all my own and don't want to bias your creation).
This is a lovely explanation of poetry. Sometimes I write one like that and I love it like a jewel, so much fun to see people focus on a facet while I know I've turned it every which way.
There is a difference between vagueness and a poem with its seeds firmly planted but the final product still wondered about. As you know.
Hi, Ray.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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(05-12-2017, 09:52 AM)ellajam Wrote: (05-12-2017, 07:09 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: (05-12-2017, 04:51 AM)vagabond Wrote: ... i may be very far off, but this is what i think about when reading the poem
While I could provide a detailed explication (most of it has a logical basis and a linear narrative),
that was not the purpose of this poem. If it was, I would have written a short fiction or historical non-fiction piece.
In this poem, as in most of my poetry, you're supposed to create a meaning/story/feeling
that's all your own (I have one, but I consider it all my own and don't want to bias your creation).
This is a lovely explanation of poetry. Sometimes I write one like that and I love it like a jewel, so much fun to see
people focus on a facet while I know I've turned it every which way.
There is a difference between vagueness and a poem with its seeds firmly planted but the final product still wondered about.
As you know.
Hi, Ray. YES!
Why in the f-ing world would you read poetry if you don't want to participate!
Swings on a play-ground and poems... it's more fun when you take turns.
And how could anyone read poetry and not participate?
Answer: They can't.
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sometimes you write a poem that belongs to everyone. they can indeed own it, if they read it a few times and make their own images. this poem works on a shitload of levels for me. no real feedback to offer, the turning on a dime while extremely cliched is the best phrase of the poem. it directs the reader and creates an excellent image of change on more than a couple of levels, as does the image rich sexing of bee and flower.
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