The Latest Halloween

[Erthona]

The Latest Halloween

Twilight time, the ghouls unleashed,
like dark Santas in reverse,
to each house they drag their bags,
saying lines so oft rehearsed.

'Trick-or-Treat' means give me candy,
with each assault upon the doors,
flying like a pack of witches,
greedy to collect still more.

Sugar coma, the mighty fall,
still no worse than I have seen,
just the signal that we're through,
with this latest Halloween!


Erthona

[kolemath]

The Latest Halloween

Twilight time, the ghouls unleashed,
like dark Santas in reverse, would a dark santa in reverse be a regular santa?
to each house they drag their bags,
saying lines so oft rehearsed. no main verb in this stanza

'Trick-or-Treat' means give me candy,
with each assault upon the doors,
flying like a pack of witches, no clear subject in this line; the stanza is hyper-comma-ized; i'd put a period after candy and insert a grammatical subject in for lines 2-4. 
greedy to collect still more.

Sugar coma, the mighty fall, no main verb for the subject 'sugar coma.'
still no worse than I have seen, abstraction, little to go on here
just the signal that we're through,
with this latest Halloween! doubling up on prepositions is clunky. you don't need the comma after 'through' or the 2nd preposition 'with.'


Erthona

thanks for posting so festively. overall a good read for this month

[Quixilated]

like dark Santas in reverse, would a dark santa in reverse be a regular santa?

I read that as the children are dressed in dark costumes (either physically or metaphorically) and they are taking instead of giving.

It's actually my favorite line.

[kolemath]

like dark Santas in reverse, would a dark santa in reverse be a regular santa?

I read that as the children are dressed in dark costumes (either physically or metaphorically) and they are taking instead of giving.  

It's actually my favorite line.  

nice reading, quix. there are now implications for santa on a leash, but perhaps the clause's kinky secrets should be saved for december 

[Erthona]

Thanks for the read and comments guys.

dale

[Brownlie]

I guess that pretty much sums it up. A large amount of candy in the middle of the week (a lot of leg work for like 4 bucks worth of crappy chocolate too), but the whole thing is pretty fun for many kids I think.

 Would they be flying like witches? Or would a metaphor be better. If they're dressed as witches, aren't they witches in some sense?

[Erthona]

Brownlie,

It's always been my favorite holiday. Unfortunately my kids are to old for that now, but it was great fun while it lasted.

dale

---

kolemath,

The "dark Santas in reverse" is explain in the following lines. The reverse is that they come to take not to give. The noun-verb for the stanza is "they drag". You are right about too many commas, a well placed colon would help.

S2 L2 should be implied that (the children are) "flying like a pack of witches", but you are correct about the punctuation. I shall do corrections before the next Halloween.

S3 L1 "fall" is the verb, although it probably needs different punctuation to make that clear.

S3 L2 Refers to S3 L1, L1 being symbolic speech. In other words the speakers is saying he has seen other sugar crashes after other Halloweens and this one is not worse than those.

If one removed the "with" this is how it would read:

"just the signal that we're through,
this latest Halloween!

"with" lets the reader know it is this particular Halloween, not just Halloween in general.

Thanks for the comments,


dale

[kolemath]

kolemath,

The "dark Santas in reverse" is explain in the following lines. The reverse is that they come to take not to give. The noun-verb for the stanza is "they drag". You are right about too many commas, a well placed colon would help. you're right, i missed the sub/verb buried under all the preceding phrases; i'm not sure you need a colon. on dark santas in reverse, it's not quite a double negative, (but something like it) in which two, uh negatives?, create a single, uh affirmative? santas darkly in reverse is closer to the semantics you're going for

S2 L2 should be implied that (the children are) "flying like a pack of witches", but you are correct about the punctuation. I shall do corrections before the next Halloween. to imply the subject of stanza one to stanza two is what i've read you call poor grammar in some of your other posts. just thought it worth point out that you're writing something you critique in others

S3 L1 "fall" is the verb, although it probably needs different punctuation to make that clear. 
i'm not sure punctuation will make 'fall' a verb, especially as it's preceded by an adjective. oh wait, i read 'mighty' as an adjective, not a noun; i suppose fall is a verb. present perfect verb would clear things up: 'have fallen'

S3 L2 Refers to S3 L1, L1 being symbolic speech. In other words the speakers is saying he has seen other sugar crashes after other Halloweens and this one is not worse than those.
sugar crash is good; i understood S3L2, but it's still weak

If one removed the "with" this is how it would read:

"just the signal that we're through,
this latest Halloween!

"with" lets the reader know it is this particular Halloween, not just Halloween in general.
i disagree. 'with' doesn't carry the semantic value you're assigning to it. 'with' implies a kind of relationship, sure, but not a specific time period. your revision reads much better in terms of rhythm and conciseness. as i said though, drop the comma. i suppose there's an argument that 'through' is functioning more like a subject complement than a preposition, but that's a matter for grammar books. for poetry, 'through with this latest' is quite clunky

Thanks for the comments,
likewise

dale

[Erthona]

OK, I concede, it is better without the "with".

dale