And if the father of my image knew
that even in his Teiresian age
he should produce a son, would he have moved
to this vast city gold and purple built
for tattered coats on sticks? Where we hot youths
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
under virtue's banner, having to climb
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine
for a love deprived of the blood-red warmth of wine
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory.
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant!
1453
And if the father of my flesh and image knew
that even in his Teiresian age
he should produce a son, would he have moved
to this vast city gold and purple built
for tattered coats on sticks? Where we hot youths
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
under virtue's banner, having to climb
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine
for love deprived of sweets and blood-red wine
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory.
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant!
1453
And if the father of my flesh and image knew
that even in his Teiresian age
he should produce a son, would he have moved
to this vast city gold and purple made
for tattered coats on sticks? Where all the young
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
according to virtue's banner, having to climb
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine
for a love deprived of sweets and blood-red wine
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory.
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant!
1453
And if the father of my flesh and image knew
that even in his old Teiresian age
he should beget a son, would he have moved
to this vast city gold and purple made
for tattered coats on sticks? Where all the young
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
according to virtue's banner, having to climb
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine
for a love deprived of the blood-red warmth of wine
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory.
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant!
And if the father of my flesh and image knew
that even in his old Teiresian age interesting implications for the Greek myth. Old throws off the rhythm a but and doesn't add much meaning to my readi
he should beget a son, would he have moved Bible language used by Yeats?
to this vast city gold and purple made
for tattered coats on sticks? Where all the young great image, falls over easily
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
according to virtue's banner, having to climb don't quite get virtue's banner, it seems contrary to the virtue of staying in one's country
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine second time this image has shown up in your poetry ...well of what I've read
for a love deprived of the blood-red warmth of wine why can't an immigrant get drunk?
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance good image for diversity
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory. And culture loss
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan why not? Isn't this about nationalism?
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant! Great line
It took some study but was worth the read. Overall quite good
And if the father of my flesh and image knew
that even in his old Teiresian age
he should beget a son, would he have moved
to this vast city gold and purple made
for tattered coats on sticks? Where all the young
suffer, removed from liberty and pride
according to virtue's banner, having to climb
the golden shower tree or trumpet vine
for a love deprived of the blood-red warmth of wine
and mixed with a crazy salad: a muse's dance
turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory.
Offer me no Cathleen ni Houlihan
nor lusty dancer of the Sheban court,
I'd rather die than live an immigrant!
I liked the Byzantium inversion of no country for young men, that was clever, but the rest was rather closed, especially after "vine". It's dense sans beauty. Nope.
Thanks for the feedback! Responses:
I read "old Teiresian" as "old-tie-rees-yan", but it seems the standard for Teiresias is "tie-ree-see-as", instead, so I've tried and cut "old", as you suggested, though to me it reads kinda 50/50.
At the moment, I couldn't think of anything to fit the meter, but now I've thought of a better (and simpler, lol) one, than "beget".
I didn't compose this with politics in mind, so the "immigrant" thing, at least as I intended, isn't a comment on anything -- "virtue's banner" is those standards of virtue as defined by the imperial folks of Byzantium, and the idea of the whole "love" statement is that the love one can get in the city is all ideal, all "turned touchless, tasteless, by allegory", a response to "Once out of nature I shall never take / My bodily form for any natural thing."
And for the 'closed' parts, essentially it's all allusion. "Crazy salad", the idea behind "muse's dance", both come from Michael Robartes and the Dancer; "Cathleen ni Houlihan", "lusty dancer of the Sheban court", both are Yeat's muses (to be descriptive, the first is Maud, the second is George) in their idealized forms, forms that again are "touchless, tasteless". The speaker doesn't like being a lone young piece of flesh in that house of old spirits. I've tried and returned the line leading into such density to its shorter form, on the hope that the blow is softened, though maybe a slightly more thorough revision is needed, considering "lusty dancer" and "muse's dance" essentially talk of the same thing. I'll see.
But reading this politically is a darn interesting suggestion....hmm....I'm struggling. Anyway, thanks for the feedback; small edit posted above.
Another small edit, to make the structure more formal -- it should now read as axaxabbbbcxcxc, with most of the rhymes evidently imperfect.
I keep getting bothered by the meter, and I realize now that I prefer the original version of L9; thus, yet another edit.
