Fade

[Wjames]

I tried to picture Christmastime
with snow and nuts and fire,
from grandma knitting patterned lines
to door knocks from the choir.

It’s awful tough to visualize,
I pray because the sun
sprays red upon my fastened eyes
and makes my senses run.

[kolemath]

going blind?

I tried to picture Christmastime
with snow and nuts and fire,
from grandma knitting patterned lines
to door knocks from the choir. quaint verse

It’s awful tough to visualize, grammar says period here; you say what you please
I pray because the sun
sprays red upon my fastened eyes fastened eyes is great
and makes my senses run. senses run is good too; so the speaker is too overwhelmed with present sensation to recall memories

why pray? why christmas? any memory could be inserted into S1, so i'm not sure how a memory of christmas is supposed to influence the interpretation of S2.

thanks for posting

[CRNDLSM]

I like this because Christmas time is supposed to be two things. Holly jolly all the pop songs in the first stanza. But 'son' for 'sun' kinda shatters that on the flips idea. But who believes mythology either way...?

[RiverNotch]

Right, sun/son -- sun sprays red light, son sprays red blood. I'd remove the comma from the second stanza, though, as I don't think it's needed, following this sense. And perhaps present tense in the first sentence? The title, too, I'm not too sure of, if only because it's not Christmas-y enough, and I'm not sure this is close to the usual fade-Christmas association of "Iiiii'llll be hoooome for Christmaaaas".

[Flánnan]

This turns the typical idea on its head. Christmas is regarded as the happiest time of the year, your poem brings in a different perspective. I like it!

[Wjames]

Thanks for reading, I might keep working on this one, but I don't think the idea is any good (I don't think I expressed it clearly either)