Second Hand
#1
I picked up her habits
like candy wrappers on the ground,
frowning from a sense of obligation
and disgust.

I didn't throw them out
when she left.

Now I'm rotting with the filth,
and the stench is worse than a skunk
in heat.
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#2
(10-01-2016, 11:12 PM)Wjames Wrote:  I picked up her habits
like candy wrappers on the ground, interesting images, gluttony? 
frowning from a sense of obligation
and disgust. obligation and disgust from what? to the habits? these words are abstract and not as strong as the candy wrapper line

I didn't throw them out
when she left. good lines/images of not letting 

Now I'm rotting with the filth, filth from what? candy wrappers? are they that filthy?
and the stench is worse than a skunk
in heat. good image but without understanding what is filthy..

thanks for the read
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#3
Thanks for your thoughts Kole.

The filth and such are the habits, which I could explain but I wanted to keep it all within the garbage metaphor/simile.

One of them is smoking, which could maybe be gleaned from the title.
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#4
(10-01-2016, 11:12 PM)Wjames Wrote:  I picked up her habits
like candy wrappers on the ground,
frowning from a sense of obligation
and disgust.

I didn't throw them out
when she left.

Now I'm rotting with the filth,
and the stench is worse than a skunk
in heat.

Nice build up. Absolutely disgusting, such silly lost loves (also littering -- and I think I'm a little obsessive compulsive about both, which is a bonus). Lovely work.
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#5
(10-01-2016, 11:26 PM)Wjames Wrote:  Thanks for your thoughts Kole.

The filth and such are the habits, which I could explain but I wanted to keep it all within the garbage metaphor/simile.

One of them is smoking, which could maybe be gleaned from the title.

fair enough. obligation and disgust might be a garbage bag tied a bit tighter  Thumbsup
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