Posts: 952
Threads: 225
Joined: Aug 2016
The sun was shut out by the weather
Been a long time since wed been together
But after a bottle of rum
what should have been fun
turned into a painful endeavor
the foreplay began on the couch
removing clothes all round the house
something stuck in her hair
she tripped on a chair
and headbutted me in the mouth
undressing the rest is a mess
fooling around id never have guessed
that shed been allergic
to my laundry detergent
til her nose ran all over my chest
they say you make perfect with practice
but sometimes your efforts disastrous
drunk and impatient
my bedframe was ancient
we broke it when we both hit the mattress
tired after all that transpired
a trip to the fridge reinspired
when giving a lick
she was suddenly sick
the whipped cream had already expired
making our way to the spoon
removing her fruit of the loom
it wasnt so cute
when she let out a toot
and the smell over whelmed her perfume
pretty early for this dirty birdy
the clock read only 9:30
but the look on her face
said it wasnt a race
as i rolled over pre-maturely
making breakfast in the kitchen
over tea she happens to mention
now dont be alarmed
and she said this with charm
but tomorrow youll prolly be itchin
at the doctors i got inspected
he said apply this as directed
of course instead
i ignored what he said
and now everythings infected
you could say i was slightly upset
since i set out to ruin her rep
but i can just see her cringe
as i dish out revenge
and post the video up on the internet
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
(09-10-2016, 05:22 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: The sun was shut out by the weather --counting 9 syllables here. Do you want 8 - with an iamb and two anapests?
Been a long time since wed been together -- counting 10 syllables here. Additionally this line starts with a stressed syllable while the other started with unstressed. I think at least in some limerick, every line usually starts swith an unstressed syllable.
But after a bottle of rum
what should have been fun
turned into a painful endeavor - Do you mean to have five lines for this?
the foreplay began on the couch
removing clothes all round the house
something stuck in her hair
she tripped on a chair
and headbutted me in the mouth -- Good subject matter for limerick.
undressing the rest is a mess
fooling around id never have guessed
that shed been allergic
to my laundry detergent
til her nose ran all over my chest --detergent bit sounds lewd and absurd. i think that may be a good combo in a limerick.
they say you make perfect with practice
but sometimes your efforts disastrous
drunk and impatient
my bedframe was ancient
we broke it when we both hit the mattress
tired after all that transpired
a trip to the fridge reinspired
when giving a lick
she was suddenly sick
the whipped cream had already expired
making our way to the spoon
removing her fruit of the loom
it wasnt so cute
when she let out a toot
and the smell over whelmed her perfume
pretty early for this dirty birdy
the clock read only 9:30
but the look on her face
said it wasnt a race
as i rolled over pre-maturely
making breakfast in the kitchen
over tea she happens to mention
now dont be alarmed
and she said this with charm
but tomorrow youll prolly be itchin
at the doctors i got inspected
he said apply this as directed
of course instead
i ignored what he said
and now everythings infected
you could say i was slightly upset
since i set out to ruin her rep
but i can just see her cringe
as i dish out revenge
and post the video up on the internet
I'm not sure if you are just having fun or want to edit. Editing seems like it would be a matter of form. Thanks for posting.
Posts: 952
Threads: 225
Joined: Aug 2016
I really like the pig pen, feeling my way around the forums.
this one was just for fun, like a challenge in story telling.
i think edits are fine, but id prefer adding to the story than subtracting though
Thanks for reading!
(09-10-2016, 08:43 PM)Brownlie Wrote: (09-10-2016, 05:22 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: The sun was shut out by the weather --counting 9 syllables here. Do you want 8 - with an iamb and two anapests?
Been a long time since wed been together -- counting 10 syllables here. Additionally this line starts with a stressed syllable while the other started with unstressed. I think at least in some limerick, every line usually starts swith an unstressed syllable.
But after a bottle of rum
what should have been fun
turned into a painful endeavor - Do you mean to have five lines for this?
the foreplay began on the couch
removing clothes all round the house
something stuck in her hair
she tripped on a chair
and headbutted me in the mouth -- Good subject matter for limerick.
undressing the rest is a mess
fooling around id never have guessed
that shed been allergic
to my laundry detergent
til her nose ran all over my chest --detergent bit sounds lewd and absurd. i think that may be a good combo in a limerick.
they say you make perfect with practice
but sometimes your efforts disastrous
drunk and impatient
my bedframe was ancient
we broke it when we both hit the mattress
tired after all that transpired
a trip to the fridge reinspired
when giving a lick
she was suddenly sick
the whipped cream had already expired
making our way to the spoon
removing her fruit of the loom
it wasnt so cute
when she let out a toot
and the smell over whelmed her perfume
pretty early for this dirty birdy
the clock read only 9:30
but the look on her face
said it wasnt a race
as i rolled over pre-maturely
making breakfast in the kitchen
over tea she happens to mention
now dont be alarmed
and she said this with charm
but tomorrow youll prolly be itchin
at the doctors i got inspected
he said apply this as directed
of course instead
i ignored what he said
and now everythings infected
you could say i was slightly upset
since i set out to ruin her rep
but i can just see her cringe
as i dish out revenge
and post the video up on the internet
I'm not sure if you are just having fun or want to edit. Editing seems like it would be a matter of form. Thanks for posting.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
[quote='CRNDLSM' pid='216200' dateline='1473510434']
I really like the pig pen, feeling my way around the forums.
this one was just for fun, like a challenge in story telling.
i think edits are fine, but id prefer adding to the story than subtracting though
Thanks for reading!
Good luck. Developing the story seems like the hardest part. That requires creating content.
