Write Myself

[Alic Elliot]

If I could write myself into a book
I'd do so carefully
Blanketing my cover in blue thread
And placing myself on a clean shelf

Let me escape into fantastical worlds
Where lions talk and witches are slain
Where cats appear one stripe at a time
Where "Happily Ever After" is a thing

If I could bring joy to a bored child
Who'd get enthralled in my pages
Reading past bedtime
By the light of the stars

I'd place a price tag on my back
Title myself “The Escapee"
And send myself to stores
To be read and enjoyed

I'd be an adventurer
Who saves the day,
With help of friends,
Who's story never really ends

I'd save those I've lost
Prevent loved ones' pain
Erase my insecurities
And illustrate my days 

I dive into others' worlds
Devouring them with my eyes
But to create one, and be in it
Would be my greatest achievement

Original

If I could write myself into a book
I would do it in a heartbeat
I'd blanket my cardboard cover in blue thread
And place myself on newly clean shelves

Let me escape into fantastical worlds
Where lions talk and witches are slain
Where cats appear one stripe at a time
Where I could have a happy ending

If I could abandon this world
For a life on a shelf
In libraries, bookstores
Bookshelves in homes

I'd write myself into clean, white pages
Black ink telling the world of me
The Sans-serif font describing my world
Wrapped in a jacket of flimsy cardstock

Slap a price tag on my back
Hold me together with glue
Put a nice title on my spine
And my name of course

I am the author, after all
Reducing myself to words on a page
Or on a screen, for some
And even in an audio file

To write myself into a book
And leave this cruel world behind
Would be a gift, really
To control my world

I could save those I've lost
Prevent loved ones' pain
Erase my insecurities
And illustrate my days 

I escape into others' worlds
Devouring them with my eyes
But to create one, and be in it
That would be absolutely perfect

[rowens]

This poem is lacking something. The theme carries, obviously. It seems flimsy though. If you could add some texture, some richness of thought or sound.

[Lizzie]

Hi Alic! I have a couple of thoughts for you below. Overall, I think that the idea of being able to leave this 'plane of existence' behind and enter the world of books will play very well with the introverted readers of poetry out there, which is probably about 99% of readers in general.

If I could write myself into a book
I would do it in a heartbeat -- 'in a heartbeat' is a cliche
I'd blanket my cardboard cover in blue thread
And place myself on newly clean shelves -- I'd just say 'new clean shelves'

Let me escape into fantastical worlds
Where lions talk and witches are slain
Where cats appear one stripe at a time -- I like 'one stripe at a time'
Where I could have a happy ending -- I'd say something more specific about what the happy ending would look like for you. By itself, this line isn't evocative.

If I could abandon this world
For a life on a shelf -- these lines just recapitulate the content of the previous stanza and can be cut.
In libraries, bookstores
Bookshelves in homes

I'd write myself into clean, white pages
Black ink telling the world of me -- this line feels clunky and awkward. I actually don't think you need the line since you talk about the letters in the next line.
The Sans-serif font describing my world
Wrapped in a jacket of flimsy cardstock

Slap a price tag on my back
Hold me together with glue
Put a nice title on my spine -- I think you could do better with a descriptor than 'nice.'
And my name of course

I am the author, after all
Reducing myself to words on a page
Or on a screen, for some
And even in an audio file -- these three lines don't do anything for the poem in my opinion. It's just recapitulation the writing yourself into a story theme, just a little differently. I think this can be cut. I think you risk belaboring the point.

To write myself into a book
And leave this cruel world behind -- 'leave this cruel world' is so cliche. Unfortunately, it's incredibly true, which is why people say it. But, you've got to rephrase this in your own words.
Would be a gift, really -- this sentiment is implied
To control my world -- I like this concept and how it ties in with what follows.

I could save those I've lost
Prevent loved ones' pain
Erase my insecurities
And illustrate my days 

I escape into others' worlds
Devouring them with my eyes
But to create one, and be in it
That would be absolutely perfect

Overall, I think that you could cut this poem down by half and it would be much stronger. You have a lot of lines that just restate what's already been said or implied. I'd go through and make sure that every word is necessary and pulling its weight. Like Todd says, the secret of poetry is cruelty. I take this to mean that sometimes we need to make cuts that hurt and prune things back to the essentials.

I think you also have an inconsistency going on in that sometimes you talk about the speaker being the one writing themselves into a story, and at other times it there's more of an asking of an outside party to allow or do this. Where you say, 'let me escape', I don't know who or what you're addressing.
But, that might be another good element to explore, whatever forces are conspiring to prevent this from happening (aside from the obvious 'that's not how reality works' thing). Maybe some more fanciful forces, if you will.

Ok, that's all for now. Good luck with the piece. Good to see you still posting and editing -- I look forward to seeing more of your work!

lizziep

[RiverNotch]

If I could write myself into a book
I would do it in a heartbeat You could compress.
I'd blanket my cardboard cover in blue thread
And place myself on newly clean shelves You are one book. Why in shelves, not a shelf?

Let me escape into fantastical worlds
Where lions talk and witches are slain
Where cats appear one stripe at a time
Where I could have a happy ending You know, some people achieve this by taking a pistol.... but generally, the joy of life is understood to be its endlessness. That is why the "happily ever after" is cherished, not merely the "happy ending".

If I could abandon this world
For a life on a shelf
In libraries, bookstores
Bookshelves in homes Redundant stanza.

I'd write myself into clean, white pages
Black ink telling the world of me The "world of you" is not the same as a "fantastical world", unless the speaker is already in a book.
The Sans-serif font describing my world Sans-serif? For print?
Wrapped in a jacket of flimsy cardstock The second time you cover yourself, first in cardboard, now in cardstock. Again, redundant.

Slap a price tag on my back You know, some people sell themselves by putting on too much makeup....
Hold me together with glue
Put a nice title on my spine It would be far more interesting if, in lieu of "nice ---", was an actual title.
And my name of course

I am the author, after all 
Reducing myself to words on a page First two lines need expounding, and require trimming of the poem's very top. The idea of assuming total control and the idea of reducing life's complexities into pure language is very different from the ideas of being allowed escape and of fantasy worlds (just because something is weird and fantastical, does not mean it's not complex -- aside from the general weirdness of real life, my favorite example of this is Adventure Time)
Or on a screen, for some
And even in an audio file Last two lines are filler.

To write myself into a book
And leave this cruel world behind Again, redundant. We very much understand that you want this, that all of this would be a gift.
Would be a gift, really
To control my world Again, redundant, and without development. To be the author of one's life is the same as to be the controller of one's world.

I could save those I've lost
Prevent loved ones' pain Bland. And the build up is too unspecific enough to rectify this, I think. And somehow, the thought of wanting to get the power to change fate, to remove past losses and prevent past pains, has become cliche for me. Or at least it's your mode of presentation. So again, bland.
Erase my insecurities
And illustrate my days 

I escape into others' worlds
Devouring them with my eyes
But to create one, and be in it
That would be absolutely perfect Again, redundant. We already know you want this, that all of this would be perfect to you. Show us how -- show us why (as in, what exactly is making you recoil from the world?) -- and show us with vividness. And I think, too, with meter, if you can do it, since the piece feels like something that demands it.

[Alic Elliot]

Edit 1:

If I could write myself into a book
I'd do so carefully
Blanketing my cover in blue thread
And placing myself on a clean shelf

Let me escape into fantastical worlds
Where lions talk and witches are slain
Where cats appear one stripe at a time
Where "Happily Ever After" is a thing

If I could bring joy to a bored child
Who'd get enthralled in my pages
Reading past bedtime
By the light of the stars

I'd place a price tag on my back
Title myself “The Escapee"
And send myself to stores
To be read and enjoyed

I'd be an adventurer
Who saves the day,
With help of friends,
Who's story never really ends

I'd save those I've lost
Prevent loved ones' pain
Erase my insecurities
And illustrate my days 

I dive into others' worlds
Devouring them with my eyes
But to create one, and be in it
Would be my greatest achievement