Fish pond at midnight
#1
Frog sits on stone
Chanting for the others homage
Till moon disappears
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply
#2
Frog sits on stone
Chanting for the others homage
Till moon disappears

One of the things that haiku eschew is telling the reader what to think, feel or imagine. L2 is the author's interpretation of what the frog is doing. Best to say what you see and leave what you think, feel or imagine out of the word picture.

a few examples less authorial intrusion.

on a stone
the croaking frog
moonset

moonset
the croaking frog
on a stone

the croaking frog
on a stone
moonset
Reply
#3
(07-22-2016, 02:40 AM)justlikeyou Wrote:  Frog sits on stone
Chanting for the others homage
Till moon disappears

One of the things that haiku eschew is telling the reader what to think, feel or imagine. L2 is the author's interpretation of what the frog is doing. Best to say what you see and leave what you think, feel or imagine out of the word picture.

a few examples less authorial intrusion.

on a stone
the croaking frog
moonset

moonset
the croaking frog
on a stone

the croaking frog
on a stone
moonset

The examples you've shared don't appear to follow the untraditional hauki 5-7-5 scheme, making it much more criptic....nevertheless, thanks for reading and commenting.


Luna
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply
#4
(07-24-2016, 12:33 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote:  
(07-22-2016, 02:40 AM)justlikeyou Wrote:  Frog sits on stone
Chanting for the others homage
Till moon disappears

One of the things that haiku eschew is telling the reader what to think, feel or imagine. L2 is the author's interpretation of what the frog is doing. Best to say what you see and leave what you think, feel or imagine out of the word picture.

a few examples less authorial intrusion.

on a stone
the croaking frog
moonset

moonset
the croaking frog
on a stone

the croaking frog
on a stone
moonset

The examples you've shared don't appear to follow the untraditional hauki 5-7-5 scheme, making it much more criptic....nevertheless, thanks for reading and commenting.


Luna

Hi Luna

You are correct. My haiku examples do not follow a 5-7-5 pattern. Very few these days do. The below link will take you to a few examples of modern haiku from the current issue of Frogpond, a published journal put out by the prestigious Haiku Society of America. There are many back issues of Frogpond found on the website as well if you wanted to see further examples.

HSA Frogpond Issue 39-1

Rick
Reply
#5
Quote:Hi Luna

You are correct. My haiku examples do not follow a 5-7-5 pattern. Very few these days do. The below link will take you to a few examples of modern haiku from the current issue of Frogpond, a published journal put out by the prestigious Haiku Society of America. There are many back issues of Frogpond found on the website as well if you wanted to see further examples.

HSA Frogpond Issue 39-1

Rick

Rick,

Thanks so much for posting the link. I've done a quick survey of the site content and found it interesting. I do apologize for not getting back to this sooner; much has been going on in my life.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Luna
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply
#6
(08-13-2016, 01:02 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote:  
Quote:Hi Luna

You are correct. My haiku examples do not follow a 5-7-5 pattern. Very few these days do. The below link will take you to a few examples of modern haiku from the current issue of Frogpond, a published journal put out by the prestigious Haiku Society of America. There are many back issues of Frogpond found on the website as well if you wanted to see further examples.

HSA Frogpond Issue 39-1

Rick

Rick,

Thanks so much for posting the link. I've done a quick survey of the site content and found it interesting. I do apologize for not getting back to this sooner; much has been going on in my life.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Luna

You are most welcome!
Reply
#7
Homage? That's weird -- as far as I know, they chant for sex, not power.
I'd reverse the actions, if I were you -- "sits" is such a boring action, while "croaks" seems to be the whole focus of the piece anyway. Say,

sitting on a stone,
the frog croaks
at the sinking moon

or something.
Reply
#8
frogs don't sit unless they're in a frog king cartoon Wink

shitting on a stone,
frog croaks
the moon stinks
Reply
#9
(08-16-2016, 12:09 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  Homage? That's weird -- as far as I know, they chant for sex, not power.
I'd reverse the actions, if I were you -- "sits" is such a boring action, while "croaks" seems to be the whole focus of the piece anyway. Say,

sitting on a stone,
the frog croaks
at the sinking moon

or something.

RiverNotch,

They do chat for sex and sometimes I think to aid their kin in swallowing the remaining half of dinner. Anyway, I wanted to veer away from "croak" because it's used in so much  in frog haiku. I do like the idea of a sinking moon.

Last night the full moon was beautiful.

Thanks for reading and commenting; your thoughts are appreciated.

Luna

(08-16-2016, 05:04 PM)billy Wrote:  frogs don't sit unless they're in a frog king cartoon Wink

shitting on a stone,
frog croaks
the moon stinks

Hysterical Hysterical Hysterical

Thanks for commenting Billy Smile
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply
#10
the frog croaks
sinking moon
-splash-
Reply
#11
-splurt-,you mean
  • the partially blind semi bald eagle
Bastard Elect
Reply
#12
(09-02-2016, 06:22 PM)eric_never Wrote:  frog king
croaking for sex
'til sunrise

Eric

do frogs have kings?

(09-03-2016, 09:20 AM)just mercedes Wrote:  the frog croaks
sinking moon
-splash-


moon
pond
splash
frog
gone

primitive

(09-03-2016, 08:45 PM)srijantje Wrote:  -splurt-,you mean

therefore
correction

Wink
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply
#13
(09-04-2016, 11:37 AM)eric_never Wrote:  Frog king? Just a big, tough frog!

then there must be a one
in my pond.
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!