No Super Hero

[ellajam]

I love the meat that knows its place:
the waft of bacon through the door,
come hither scent with just a trace
of underbelly, the settled score.


Late afternoon the smoking grill
sends signals through the leafed-out trees
with tales of those who've had their fill
amidst the songs of bumblebees.


But midnight stills the hearts of those
who crave no scrap of bone or fat,
who sniff the honey-suckled rose
alighting with the vampire bat.


Bring with you what will feed your beast,
a poem or burger at the least.

[UselessBlueprint]

Is there a particular name for this form? It's fourteen lines in a basic sonnet scheme, just tetrametric instead of pentametric. It feels much more musical than pentameter, so my natural inclination is always to write in tetrameter.

[ellajam]

I love tetrameter, comes the most naturally for me and is I enjoy its lightheartedness. It's in sonnet form, a sonnet, from what I hear it doesn't need to be IP, even though it often is. Fourteen lines with a rhyme scheme and volta so I guess it's a sonnet.

[Leanne]

Hell yes it's a sonnet. There's no hard and fast rule that demands IP, that's just something that Shakespeare bloke and his cronies decided on and then everyone jumped on his wiggy bandwagon, bloody English! Tetrameter's more rock 'n' roll.

I love everything about this poem except for two metric bumps, one of which I can forgive (S1 L3) because it doesn't interrupt the rhythm particularly. The second is the last line though, and ending with awkward meter is a bit of a disappointment for such an excellent turn. I really wish I could think of a single-syllable thing to chuck on a bbq other than steak, because maybe that's too much of a leap from burger, and have it read "A steak or poem at the least".

I will keep thinking, because this is far too cool to leave alone.

[Todd]

You could also maybe end on feast if you rework the last line a bit.

[ellajam]

Ha, it was a quickie, true on the last line and I don't even think it says what I want it to, I'll come up with something, thanks

Yep, Todd, just thought of feast too when I looked at it. Lots of easy possibilities if I figure out what the heck I'm saying.

[UselessBlueprint]

I guess I'll have to discard almost everything my poetry instructor taught me.

[Leanne]

Not discard, improve upon.

[Achebe]

who sniff the honey-suckled rose

is lovely on its own!
fun read. would love to parody, though. maybe later.

[ellajam]

who sniff the honey-suckled rose

is lovely on its own!
fun read. would love to parody, though. maybe later.

Be my guest.