cicade

[crow]

cicade (edit 1, shay, erthona)

the stones giggle,
you, with your ladle.

I've been 
starving in canes,
teehee,
in a land so barren even
I look good to the gods here.

I said it's so barren . . .
How barren is it?


I pray on a bead.
I think love, and the swarm gets antsy.
I whispered wheat, and they snicked me to pieces.
Thought wet and drown dreaming.

Now, not enough left to baptize,
you talked me into whistling glee
upon the drone and I 
am this delirious exile of the wicker wastes. 

But

you
let a droplet
wide of your beak
and shatter the sun.

--------------
cicade

you
offend the stones with your ladle 

pale underfed
living in canes
in a land so bare
I look good to the gods here

I pray on a bead
something leaks from your silo
would lime on my scabs be too much
the sound of wax and liquor tasting

decimates read loud
even think love and it's over 

you whisper wheat

not enough left to baptize
think wet and you'll drown me

they swear by the winter
to lord brown on a white coat 
blasphemes the drone

delirious exile of the wicker waste

where you
have let a droplet
wide of your beak
it shatters the sun

[Shay]

This has some elements to be great. But I'm not sure about your title choice, I assume you meant cicada? 

cicade


you
offend the stones with your ladle 

pale underfed
living in canes
in a land so bare
I look good to the gods here - "ladle" doesn't seem to fit in as natural as the overall composition of that line might suggest. A more detailed opening segment could've enhanced the readability of this a lot. I really like the descriptive tone here, though. 

I pray on a bead
something leaks from your silo
would lime on my scabs be too much
the sound of wax and liquor tasting - the transition from the first to your second line is rather confusing. Where does the silo appear from? I cannot see the connection in those two lines. Again, some more detail would've been good. I like the next line as it also consistently links to the "natural" elements you employ here. Liquor, on the other hand, causes a breach in that very naturalness - a separate line including the liquor tasting could make a difference here. 

decimates read loud
even think love and it's over - I believe you meant "decimation" rather than decimates (as it doesn't fit in its current form). This stanza isn't consistent  and confused me quite frankly. I can see the wider connection to the "love" and the previously mentioned "bead" part. But I cannot see what you are trying to evoke with the "read loud". It could belong to the previous stanza with the "sound of wax" connection. However, it's still very vague. 

you whisper wheat

not enough left to baptize
think wet and you'll drown me - I like that you're using some lit. elements. However, the "whisper wheat" is a, personally, odd depiction. I actually really like the break here through the "left to baptise" part, it's a very vivid description. I also like your consistency here with the "wet" inclusion. Yet, the image hereby is a common one - "think wet and you'll drown me". A connection to a wider pond, more details, could perhaps enhance the smoothness hereby while going past the common notion. 

they swear by the winter
to lord brown on a white coat 
blasphemes the drone - I like the contrasting patterns in this stanza. The "blasphemes the drone" is again slightly confusing with regard to your preceding depiction, but I can see a very abstract linkage to the "bead" bit. 

delirious exile of the wicker waste - The "delirious exile" phrasing is great. It would be great if you could clarify on the "wicker waste" part, as I am not too sure about that one. 
where you
have let a droplet
wide of your beak
it shatters the sun - This is my favourite stanza. Some very nice imagery with a concluding, strong depiction of the final "scene". 

[crow]

Shay,

If it's interesting to you, here's some hints, because your read was extraordinary. You caught lots of things and I'm wanting to reassure you they were intended. That is, where you're confused, I was inviting a deeper read. So:

No typo in the title. It's meant to be a verb. The poem analogizes a cicada's metamorphosis to a person's.

A ladle offends a dry place the way a car would offend a person on a small desert island. It's offensive because its utility depends on resources that aren't available. It marks "you" as an interloper.

The bead indicates scarcity. Not prayer beads; a single prayer bead. It's referenced again in the final stanza.

The silo is the interlopers storehouse of grain; the narrator just knows something good is in there. This anticipates the interloper whispering wheat; it's an answered prayer. Again, the tiny bit of water in S6 comes back in the final stanza.

Decimates is a noun.

The drone is a reference to cicadas.

The shattered sun is about a prism and about gutting the winter land of standalone meaning.

None of the above suggestions is mandatory or anything. Just because it can be read that way doesn't mean other constructions are in error. But you did such a fine job . . . just wanted to respond

[Erthona]

cicade


you
offend the stones with your ladle (I understand the idea you are attempting to convey as I read your comments, but it seems there must be a clearer way to say this. It causes a major pause in the reading which is disruptive to the poem. Inscrutability is not a tenet of poetry.)

pale underfed
living in canes
in a land so bare
I look good to the gods here  ("I" is the speaker, but who is "I"? It is a kindness to your reader to define these sorts of things. The images I get. Making your narrator an unknown undermines everything he says as there is no context for the reader to put the information in. )

I pray on a bead
something leaks from your silo
would lime on my scabs be too much
the sound of wax and liquor tasting  (complete sentences would be nice. These lines are generally just dependant clauses that carry little meaning for the reader. They read as vague reference to the topic, but in many instances they are completely unformed.  "would lime on my scabs be too much" begs the question, to much what? The other lines read much the same way)

decimates read loud   
even think love and it's over  (these two lines are clear and succinct, if one assumes knowledge on the part of the reader about grasshopper swarms)

you whisper wheat

not enough left to baptize
think wet and you'll drown me

they swear by the winter
to lord brown on a white coat
blasphemes the drone

delirious exile of the wicker waste

where you
have let a droplet
wide of your beak
it shatters the sun
_________________________________________________________________________
This seems more riddle than poem. A riddle confounds and a poem enlightens...or so it is to be hoped. Disregarding for the most part that this is a string of dependant clauses, it does little more, or so it seems, to use the swarm as a metaphor. As the narrator remains uncertain (the earth? a person?), there is no connection being made to the reader in terms of engaging the reader and causing the reader to care about what has been written. Poems are written for man, not locus. Why should I care about this poem?

Best,

dale

[next]

I think Shay and Erthona have pretty much covered any specifics I was going to bring up.

In general I'd like to say that, unlike Erthona, I'm not adverse to cryptic poems, providing
there's an underlying logic to them. For readers that are interested enough to take the time,
it's fun, even rewarding, to interpret them.

This definitely limits the number of readers, as many aren't interested in that type of poem.

But which audience and how large an audience to appeal to is a decision that's up to the writer.
If she/he wants to write poems about quantum mechanics or ones that mention obscure
Norse gods, I'm prepared to honour that decision.  Of course, it's always my decision whether
or not to be interested in the poem.

That said, the underlying logic in this poem is a bit strained (see Erthona's specific remarks).

And change the title to "cicada" (or hell, why not "think love and it's over"?)

Even though you have an internal meaning for "cicade", everyone that reads it will just think you
misspelled "cicada". 

A cryptic poem places a certain onus on the writer if he/she wants to be taken seriously,
the writer needs to assure the reader in some way that there IS a logic to the poem,
that it isn't just a random construct.

Two wonderful lines of yours:

"think love and it's over"    (yes, you should omit "even")

"think wet and you'll drown me"

[Erthona]

As it was mentioned, I thought I would respond. I am in no means against poems having depth, nor am I blind to the allusion in this poem that there could be a connection between the swarming of grasshoppers and romantic love, in the sense when the frenzy of passion wears off there is nothing left. There is a metaphorical connection between these two that could be made. It was in my opinion never made. Thus not a problem with depth, but a problem with connection or meaning. Evidently I did not clearly state what I had to say and I wished to clear that up.

best,

dale